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User Topic: Has this happened to you? "Your H is perfect"
LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey everyone, have you been told by a friend who does not know about the A that your H is perfect? I know, right.

We were out with our visiting company two night ago and my H is playing the guitar/singing with the band. My friend looks at me and says, "Do you know how lucky you are? Really. H is such a GOOD GUY!" Then later she told him he was "perfect". We both just laughed it off and he finished by saying how he lucky he was to have me.

Grant it. I know he is charming, kind and he is also playing the guitar. He was also being very attentive to me. This adds to his overall appeal. Her H was talking with some women he just met across the table from her.

Anyway, later in bed he told me that he knows that must hurt me to hear that and said "We both know the real story, LA. If people only knew."

Have you experienced this? I am totally fine today but when it happens I just smile and bite my tongue.

Tongue is going to look pretty chewed up at some point!

LA

[This message edited by LA44 at 11:10 AM, July 5th (Friday)]


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2584 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
painpaingoaway
♀ 27196
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. Happens all the time.

Once, just once, (and never again I might add), while in a rather bitter mood, I responded to one of those comments, with a deranged smile and a freakish, sing-songy rapid fire response of, "seriously? SERIOUSLY? So he has you fooled too?!!!!? Things are not always as they seem".

Well, I can tell you, that went over like a turd in the punch bowl.

This woman looked at me like I had slapped her, and recoiled in horror!

And I know, I KNOW, she still believes in her heart that he is awesome, and I am a lunatic.

So, lesson learned. Now, I just smile sweetly and agree.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 11:19 AM, July 5th (Friday)]


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Flatlined
♀ 27637
Member # 27637
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LA, perhaps my cynicism is misplaced but I just want to say BEWARE of a *friend* who thinks your H is "perfect". Be very AWARE.


Me BW
Him FWH [Dr.NewMan]
Married 23 y/4 children In R
DDay #1 7/20/09 DDay #2 7/28/09 (2 As,both with *PSEUDO*friends)

Had him first. Have him last. Just wish I could have had him ONLY.


Posts: 509 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: South
njgal480
♀ 24938
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This happens to me all the time.

Especially, since d-day when my FWH is really doing everything that he can to make amends to me.

Ironically, even friends that know about the LTA say this now because he really is being the perfect husband.

What I now know is that you should never be envious of anyone.
All that stuff on FB?

Don't believe it.

There is often another story of their life but they are not presenting that on FB.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3164 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
CatchyUsername
♀ 39415
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, get this too. Similarly last night someone said "Is WS always right?" and he normally would soak it up but he looked them squarely in the eye and said "no, sometimes I am very wrong, sometimes for months" and squeezed my hand.

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jun 2013
HurtButHoping12
♀ 34918
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YES. Even people who know about the affair, at one point blamed it on me because WH seems so perfect in public


BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do


Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
cdnmommy
♀ 30182
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All. The. Time.

Before the A, FWH was a great partner. Once we were in R, he has been a great partner. To the outside world, at least among the majority who doesn't know, I'm sure he seems perfect. Thing is, I never wanted perfect. I wanted real, committed, honest, and making a strong effort.

I think people who say this have no real concept of how unattainable "perfect" is, and why it is dangerous.

I think if the "perfect" WS can acknowledge this, that is very encouraging, LA!


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1766 | Registered: Nov 2010
anemie
♀ 37543
Member # 37543
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All the time. My family constantly reminds me how wonderful my WH is, my friends remind me and people we barely know say it. But I have started looking at it in the perspective, all of the cheating was before we were married, and he has made a great turnaround, I always say he was a horrible, awful, selfish asshole of a boyfriend but he has become a wonderful loving husband. Yes it still hurts to hear it sometimes but I have become more immune to it over time.


D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
sri624
♀ 33956
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, i get this too...people think he is so great, and so handsome.

even his family is like that..and many of them know what happend...they still think he is great.

but you know what? i am SO HAPPY that i now know the truth about him. i am glad i am not one of those people being duped anymore.

[This message edited by sri624 at 1:52 PM, July 5th (Friday)]


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1038 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
shatteredheart7
♀ 39734
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know exactly what your talking about. My in laws know the truth of what he did, but he is perfect and it is all my fault. They treat me like dirt under their feet. I also agree, beware of a friend who thinks he is perfect! I warned my H for yrs about the OW before the A started. I could tell by the way she talked to me about him and her body language when she talked to him that given the opportunity she would pounce. And I was right!


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Daisy312
♀ 36813
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Omg! I get that a lot! Especially now because he is trying so hard to be supportive, attentive, loving, etc... His mom thinks he s just amazing bc when she's over he's cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids. Sometimes I just want to scream!

Posts: 283 | Registered: Sep 2012
jjsr
♀ 34353
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep I get this. What a great Sargeant Major in the Army he is, what a great guy. A couple people who know, when they were told, couldn't believe he did what he did. Neither could I honestly.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1659 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Sal1995
♂ 39099
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've gotten similar comments about my WW, who often seems to be a superwoman - good wife, mother, cook, PTA volunteer / fundraiser, active in our church, assistant in my office, etc. She was also an unfaithful wife for 10 months beginning in April 2012, but not many know about that.

I'm guessing your husband, like my wife, really IS a good person in so many ways. Your bio indicates that he's a keeper and you are working hard at R. Same for me. So I guess in many ways we are to be envied for having a marriage that is worth fighting for, even under the worst of circumstances.

But perfect? Uhh, no. Far from it. That's a word that shouldn't be used to describe human beings, anyway.


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1485 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Stillhurt123
♀ 35216
Member # 35216
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, my FWH really is pretty amazing NOW...we recently moved to a new place, so they never saw the lazy, party animal, non attentive H that was there before...

Now they see a man who holds his wife's hand. Who playes ball hockey in the street with the kids, who picks the kids up from school every night and cooks dinner. All things that are new since we started true R.

Usually when the women say, you're so lucky, your H does X...I look at them and say, luck had nothing to do with it, it took us a lot of work to get here. Usually that go to line really makes us all feel better


Married for 10 yrs, together 15
Me, BW - 37
Him, fWH- 40
3 kids
D-Day; Dec 13, 2011, TT and lies and lies and lies and lies
Back in R

Posts: 403 | Registered: Apr 2012
starmoonchild
♀ 39117
Member # 39117
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG yes, almost exactly the same words from a good friend...and yes, my tongue was hurting that night! Never believe what you see. He is perfect to so many, and once was to me too...but never again.

Posts: 83 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
ms521
♀ 12008
Member # 12008
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes. ALL the time. In fact, I recently revealed to a close girlfriend that I actually (contrary to how it might appear) do have a fairly solid "jealous" streak when it comes to WH. She was stunned that I was the "jealous type," and went on to gush that WH and I are a "perfect couple!" What's more, she's seen "the way" he looks at me and anyone "with eyes" just knows WH would NEVER ever cheat on me...

I almost choked on my wine!


Madhatters.
Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)

I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)


Posts: 429 | Registered: Sep 2006
thecosmogirl
♀ 39707
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad I'm not alone!!
Tons of people think he is the best thing since sliced bread.
Although someone told him he was a lucky guy to have me this morning and he said "Yes I am!!! VERY lucky!"


Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore...or does it...

Being very, very careful

D-day 14 June 2013


I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!


Posts: 169 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone who fawns over another person and describes that person as 'perfect' is missing more than a few screws. Seriously, ignore them.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20433 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
guiltfilled11
♂ 35713
Member # 35713
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As the FWH I don't even like hearing that. But we have heard it. Don't get me wrong, it helps me validate that I've made changes and I am improving on myself because I never would have heard it before. But, it acts almost as a trigger for me because I run all the things through my head about how NOT perfect I actually am. Not to mention how I know it makes her feel.


Me - WH - 30 (Stupid selfish husband)
BS - 27
3 Amazing Children
D-day - 7/6/11
R begins - 8/29/11

Posts: 21 | Registered: May 2012 | From: guiltfilled11
watchtheskyy
♀ 34197
Member # 34197
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with flat lined on this....I no longer trust anyone who thinks my WH is a "great guy" or "perfect" and I'd really question someone who pointed it twice. MOW in my case was a friend though and that's how it all started, she saw a good guy who seemed a step above what she had at home. Unfortunately appearances don't make a strong marriage. When I hear it now, I feel like a jerk for the things that run through my head but usually smile and agree.

I responded to one of those comments, with a deranged smile and a freakish, sing-songy rapid fire response of, "seriously? SERIOUSLY? So he has you fooled too?!!!!? Things are not always as they seem".

Oh my gosh, Pain! This made me laugh! It only takes one time of getting it wrong doesn't it?!


The first step to living the life you want is leaving the life you don't want.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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