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Am I over reacting?

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TrulySad posted 7/5/2013 14:03 PM

It seems like every other day I find new things out that are questionable. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just looking for anything now.

My WBF's brother wrote something in a text to him, that was a red flag. He accused my WBF of driving a wedge between himself and his best friend, over a woman. I thought I knew my WBF's past, thought he was being open about everything. That was the agreement, if I was going to continue. When I pushed for an explanation, I was told... five years ago my WBF (we were NOT together) was in another relationship. Towards the end of it, his gf met a woman at a party, and made out. They continued to do this at other get togethers. My WBF was turned on by it, but was angry that it wasn't in front of him. He proceeded to push the two women for a threesome, which he says they refused. One night, a bunch of people stayed over at one house, and the three of them ended up sleeping in the same bed. He ended up kissing this other woman goodnight, and spooning her for a bit while they slept. Shortly after, he and his then gf broke up. Down the road, this other woman went on to meet, and marry my WBF's best friend. He never told him he had kissed his wife, wanted a threesome with her, fought for it actually, and slept holding her. Maybe the woman said something, but it was never discussed. I never knew any of this, and have just seen the friendship my WBF has with her, as a brother/sister one.

NOW, I see things so different. He had always talked about how sweet she was, adorable, and that she was perfect for his friend. Also, they would text from time to time... in a way that I now view as flirty, not the original way I saw as just teasing between good friends. They've stayed in MY house, while I never knew their past... and there was a night that she was driving through town (they live out of state), and my WBF and her wanted to meet up "for a hug". I was going to go along, but when it got too late, the whole meeting was cancelled.

So yesterday, on July 4th, after a party we held for family and friends, my WBF and I are in bed, and he says he didn't want to upset me earlier, but his friend's wife sent him a text. It was very simple. It read "Happy 4th of July! Miss You!". So, me being upset and reading into everything, was pissed and haven't stopped thinking about it.

Am I over reacting? Does it seem to you all, that I'm missing a bigger puzzle piece? That maybe more happened years ago? And should I even be upset over this? I want to tell him that he can't have anything to do with this woman. But how, when it's his best friend's wife? And at the same time... do I keep pushing for more of the story? I wasn't with him at the time, but if these two have a history, I have a right to know, and how dare he bring her into MY home.

I'm sorry if this seems confusing. My days are nothing but confusing lately... and I feel myself giving up, over and over again.

[This message edited by TrulySad at 2:07 PM, July 5th (Friday)]

mysticpenguin posted 7/5/2013 16:03 PM

My gut & common sense says that rarely does a man see a woman he wants to have sex with in a bed, and kiss her, JUST kiss her, and then spoon her.

Why risk the relationship with his then-GF just for a kiss & spooning?!?! Most men seem to enjoy spooning *only* with committed partners.

Seems sketchy to me. They were together alone in bed all night and nothing happened? Even though the desire was there on his part?

From the potential OW's angle... if I was in her position, and my friend's BF wanted to have a threesome involving me and I was not interested in the BF at all, I would stay far far farrrrrr away because that is creepy as all get out. I certainly wouldn't ever meet up with him just for a hug.

I also don't know anyone who ever has met up just for a hug, personally. Kinda sounds like they were planning to hook up and you said you were coming and when it seemed like you would definitely come, they decided to call it all off because "it got too late."

That's just my 2 cents.


TrulySad posted 7/5/2013 16:47 PM

Thank you Mystic for responding. I can't tell you how much it helps just to get someone else's perspective.

I should stress he was in bed with both his gf and this other woman. The girlfriend had been the one with the physical contact with this ow. And that night he claims he kissed this woman and spooned her, all while his gf was beside him. Ughhhh.

And I completely agree that it's very creepy/sleezy, him wanting a threesome with her. I'd be exactly how you said, and want nothing to do with him, as a friend.

The night he was trying to meet up with her for a "hug".. I was supposed to go with, all along. I put my foot down when it got later and later. I left it up to him to go alone. He seemed to stress over it, then texted her and said it was too late. Now I'm seeing it as maybe two people who have feelings or maybe desire for each other, but don't acknowledge it, because they each have a significant other. I don't want to find out down the road that this was the case.

All these things add up to some major doubt on my end. And I wanted to make sure I'm not just over sensitive to things.

I really do appreciate your input!

burnt_toast posted 7/6/2013 12:58 PM

Meeting a female friend for a hug, in that context and given that history, is off boundaries. You are entitled to state your limits and ask for transparencey.

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