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tesla posted 7/5/2013 14:59 PM

Ex-shat is half an hour late for visitation pick up. This is unusual for him...typically he is 10-20 minutes early or will even text to pick Teslet up in the morning.

If this has happened to others have you texted your ex to see what was up? How did you word it? I need to go dig out my parenting guidelines and find out at what point he forfeits his time...

Nature_Girl posted 7/5/2013 15:08 PM

You could phrase it that you were wondering how many more minutes you should tell Teslet before Daddy arrives.

TrustNoOne posted 7/5/2013 15:13 PM

Not sure about the parenting plan, but professionally - someone has 7 minutes to log-in to a concall or appear in a conference room for a meeting before I say "I'm outta here" and move on to higher priority issues.

I'd be just as unforgiving with an Ex-shat.

My time is valuable. Do not waste it. Even though you don't respect me, I respect me - so fuck you.

tesla posted 7/5/2013 15:17 PM

Here is what the parenting guidelines say for my state:

Both parents have a duty to communicate any time the exchange is delayed. When no communication is initiated by the delaying parent, and pick up or return of a child does not occur within a reasonable time, the time and conditions of the exchange may be rescheduled at a time and place convenient to the parent not responsible for the delay.

I should also point out that I have a google calendar showing visitation and all other important Teslet events. It sends out an email reminder about an hour before the event is to start. So I know he has an email sitting in his email account (unless he opted out of them for himself).

I have a very strong urge to track him down and find out if he is coming. But that's not my job and he has all the information at his disposal to figure out what the fuck is going on.

peridot posted 7/5/2013 15:24 PM

I wouldn't contact him. It's his place to call you to say he's either late or not coming. If he doesn't contact you at all and later wants to make up the visitation I wouldn't do it. It's his fault he didn't show up and he hasn't contacted you.

When my XH was 30 minutes or more late, he didn't take the kids and I didn't make up the time unless there was an emergency(that got verified) or someone died.

Amazonia posted 7/5/2013 15:30 PM

Do you have plans?

Nature_Girl posted 7/5/2013 15:32 PM

In my state the leeway time is 15 minutes.

tesla posted 7/5/2013 15:36 PM

Ama - no, just planning on doing online course work and house projects this weekend.

NG - I'm a little disappointed that my states guidelines don't have a more rigid rule in place. But the courts in my area are very big on the coparenting thing.

Sad in AZ posted 7/5/2013 15:42 PM

Didn't Teslet want to spend more time with his visiting aunt this weekend? Could that aunt pick him up for a ride somewhere. If ex-shat shows up, "Gee; we didn't think you were coming. Teslet's gone visiting. See you next time."

devistatedmom posted 7/5/2013 16:37 PM

So did he show up or call?

tesla posted 7/5/2013 16:55 PM

Has not called or showed up yet.

Yeah, Teslet did want to do something with his the process of contingency plans.

I bet ex-shat got his weekends mixed up.

[This message edited by tesla at 5:06 PM, July 5th (Friday)]

SBB posted 7/5/2013 18:23 PM

I bet ex-shat got his weekends mixed up.

Because of their recent holiday? Did you post something about him mentioning that he thought the weekends were swapping?

I wouldn't contact him. Time is up.

Actually - *I* have/would contact the sad clown when he is 15 mins late. Our handovers are rarely in person - they are all via DC/school so its not something that comes up often.

If I had a EOW in place I think I would prompt him X instances - like a three strikes and he's out kinda thing. More so that I wouldn't want my girls to be let down nor would I want to have to deal with the drama of him wanting to swap my next weekend to make up for it.

tesla posted 7/5/2013 19:33 PM

I ended up texting the guy *only* because Teslet asked me to...he wanted to know if dad was coming.

And yep, he got his weekends mixed up Asked to switch. Which actually worked out in my favor because there was something I wanted to do on one of my weekends in August which I wouldn't have if I had Teslet that weekend...

I did tell the fool that I would reflect the change on the google calendar. Think he'll pick up on the hint?

[This message edited by tesla at 7:35 PM, July 5th (Friday)]

nowiknow23 posted 7/5/2013 19:40 PM

How is testlet handing the change in plans?

SBB posted 7/5/2013 19:56 PM

Think he'll pick up on the hint?

Let me just check my magic 8 Ball.

I hope he apologises to Teslet.


tesla posted 7/5/2013 20:41 PM

nik - he's conflicted. He's happy that he gets to do something special with his aunt and cousin tomorrow. But he likes to stick with a plan...he knew dad was coming, so when I told him dad wasn't coming because he was working he got pretty upset. Not temper tantrum upset. Disappointed and hurt upset.
It's a mark against ex-shat and Teslet will be sensitive to this from now on...I can see it.
I framed my text to him as "Teslet was wondering how much longer you were going to be." I wish that cowardly piece of shit would call his son up and explain to him why daddy wasn't where he was supposed to be...but as always, that is left to me.


ETA: ex-shat occupies a fairly loft pedestal in Teslet's mind. That pedestal got worn and chipped away a bit tonight. I hate watching Teslet deal with this shit.

[This message edited by tesla at 8:43 PM, July 5th (Friday)]

peridot posted 7/5/2013 21:12 PM

As much as it probably would have hurt Teslet, I would have told him the truth...daddy got the weekends mixed up and didn't realize it was his weekend...instead of telling him daddy was at work.

When my XH had visitation with the kids he usually screwed around with the holiday visitation. I used to have to prepare the kids(they were still young) that we had to go to the meeting place but daddy probably wouldn't show up. After a while they started expecting him to not show up.

Keep him busy this weekend and maybe it'll take his mind off him not being with his dad.

nowiknow23 posted 7/5/2013 21:13 PM


wannabenormal posted 7/5/2013 21:18 PM

I flat out ask - where are you?

It's not rude, I'm wondering.

tesla posted 7/5/2013 21:23 PM

his response was that he thought this was my weekend so he signed up for double shifts this weekend. *shrug* deep down that asshole knows he's a piece of shit and won't be able to keep his shit together enough to hack it every other weekend. it's just a question as to how long before the fucker goes off the deep end.

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