and it floored me. If it had been written to OW#4, I would have been sad but not devastated again. After all, she was his "true lurve". But this one was written to OW#3, who was supposed to be a ONS. It professed his love of 2 yrs to her. Apparently, it was very one-sided in that after they had sex several times during his business trip to her city, he said "I love you" but she didn't reciprocate.
The letter was written 6 months after their week of sex - which, by the way, he told me was a drunken one-time "accident". According to the letter it was planned, at least by him. The letter goes into detail about his admiration for her body, her laugh, etc
He talks about how everyday after their week, he woke up thinking he was one more day closer to being with her. It ends with him saying "I Love You, Full Name of OW#3. Get ready to add another name soon!" He wanted to marry her?!
I found the letter in his Google Drive trash. He deleted it last year when he was with OW#4. It hadn't been modified since 2009.
When I asked him about it yesterday, he said that she was crazy and that he doesn't remember writing anything like that to her. He said that he doesn't remember feeling that way about her. He doesn't even remember having sex more than once with her. He's convinced himself that the drunken night version he told me was all it was. He said that when He ended their friendship that he wanted to put the whole thing in a neat little box and put it in the back of the attic, never to be opened again. He sat there and laughed at his own stupidity when I quoted the letter to him.
I asked him why he didn't divorce me then - he didn't have an answer. I asked him why he's with me now - he said that when we were apart that he realized how much he took me for granted, how much he loved me. Said his life was not whole without me. He said that what he understands now is that nothing was/is more important than me. He understands that it took 7 years for him to go thru whatever this was - MLC, rebellion, stupidity, etc. - but he's on the other side and he has his eye on the prize - me. He says that he never wanted/wants to hurt me like that again. That he plans to spend the rest of his life showing me how much he loves me.
So what do I do now? I know that Waywards "forget" a lot of the shameful things they did as a way to cope. But what am I supposed to do when I find out new info on old relationships? I feel like if I don't check on him, he'll revert back. But when I do check, I typically find old stuff that hurts me too. To his defense, I have not found anything new - since before we started dating again in November.
Everytime though, I feel my heart get just a little bit colder towards him. Apparently, I was the only one living a happy life in our marriage all those years. And it hurts me to know that he thought so little of me that he said "I Love You" to 2 different women and wanted to give at least one his name - MY name!
So, how do I move forward? Stuff it away into a neat little box and sit my box beside his in the attic? Suggestions?