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What did you do for your first anti-versary?

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dameia posted 7/5/2013 18:32 PM

Our first anti-versary is on Sunday. I really don't know what to do for it. WH has been doing really well these past 6 months, finally owing his shit and all that. But I've still been really down these past few days. Vacillating between depression and rage, really.

I think we are going to take the kiddos to the movies. Do something fun for the family. If the weather is okay, maybe a family hike. I think it will be best to keep busy.

So what did you do for your first anti-versary? Any suggestions or tips?

HardenMyHeart posted 7/5/2013 18:44 PM

So what did you do for your first anti-versary?

For us it turned out to be a normal day and not unpleasant at all. My wife and I went out and had coffee. We discussed the affair and reflected back on how much progress we have made over the course of a year. We also discussed where we would like the marriage to go moving forward.

Congrats to you and your WH on reaching this huge milestone.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 6:47 PM, July 5th (Friday)]

Althea posted 7/5/2013 19:54 PM

I too am coming up on this most special of days, and really like HardenMyHeart's approach. Like you, our first 6 months were not great, but the last 6 months have been. I think it could be nice to reflect back on how far we have come in the last year and where we want to go from here.

Congratulations dameia on coming so far, and I hope it continues!

dameia posted 7/5/2013 20:27 PM

Thank you HardenMyHeart. Perhaps we will be able to carve out some alone time to reflect on how far we've come and where we're going.

Hopeful10, congratulations to you for making it this far as well!. The R path is not for the faint of heart. I hope your second year of R is peaceful and less challenging than the first.

AFrayedKnot posted 7/5/2013 20:34 PM

For us dday is Black Friday. We planned a trip to visit family we had never spent thanksgiving with. Dday we left the kids with family and spent he day together. We didn't want to be directly with family or kids in case things went south. It ended up being a lot of reflection and a really positive emotional day.

OldCow18 posted 7/5/2013 21:10 PM

Our 10 year anniversary is 7/25, which only puts us at about 6.5 weeks post d-day. I've already blacked it out on the calendar and it will be a bad day for me. I will not celebrate it. I have no idea how he thinks it's going to go, but I am in no state of mind to acknowledge the day after what he's done.

His loss too, prior to finding out I had thought to arrange a few days down the shore for us in August. Oh well.

Knowing posted 7/5/2013 21:38 PM

4 days after DDay it was my fWH's birthday. I still loved him, and didnt begrudge his birth so we celebrated. That was also the day of his clean date celebration. I gave a speech about his recovery and gave him his cake. I was grateful through all this he hadn't picked up a drink, it would have made it that much harder to recover from his A.

Our wedding anniversary was less than 2 months after DDay. We had a nice date alone together. We talked a lot.

Celebrating our anti-versary in September may only be complicated by his work schedule but we will likely mark the day with a date and a look back at the year.

Ladyogilvy posted 7/6/2013 14:55 PM

There was no specific DD for me. It was a slow awareness and checking of facts. In hind sight, Christmas was the first and most obvious clue things were not right. WH had made up a completely unbelievable story of where he was going that day and went even though I objected on the grounds that it was an absurd excuse for not spending the day with his wife and children. When he did get home, he was mean and drunk. He hid in his home office after starting an argument with the children over the TV over the Christmas special they'd been looking forward to seeing. I refused to spend the next Christmas at home. We went to Washington D.C. and Williamsburg VA for the holiday. He was still struggling with sobriety and still acting remorseless. The following Christmas (last year) he gave me a big fat check to use to make Christmas at home for the kids memorable. That was the other thing about Christmas during his A... He spent thousands on his OW when we were supposedly too broke to do much for the kids. Our 16th anniversary was 3 days after Christmas and he got me nothing for Christmas or our anniversary except for drunk and mean. So... That is my big trigger time even though he didn't admit the A for a couple of more months... I knew, I just didn't have any proof or any reason to accuse him when I always thought his biggest strength was loyalty. Surprisingly, being able to buy extra ornaments, lights and presents last year did make Christmas better, despite the triggers. Money can't buy you happiness but music, good food, pretty lights, bright colors and happy kids help.

OnAnIsland posted 7/6/2013 16:06 PM

A Christmas d day here. We decided to do something entirely different for Christmas and went to a magical city with our kids for the holidays. It was unlike any Christmas we have ever had. It helped. We also talked about how to make the day different and what kind of supports and comforts might be helpful. Good luck. Try to think of some things you might want to do. It was magical to spend Christmas that way with my kids. My WH was not feeling well (he seems to manifest stress physically), and it was good for me to have the time with my boys. And I took some time for my self to read a book, and think a bit.

You are not at the same place you were last year. you aren't even the same person you were last year. What do you need from your WH? Where is your R now? Where do you want to be next year?

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