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Happy 2nd Antiversary to me

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HurtButHoping12 posted 7/5/2013 22:10 PM

It doesn't feel any easier than last year. A few hours shy of 2 years ago, at 2:30am on July 6th, I finally listened to my screaming gut and snooped in my WH's phone. I found the text messages... the talking about me, the "I love you"'s. I still remember every moment of it with crystal clarity, like it was yesterday :(

Tomorrow is going to be hard All I can do is try to keep busy, keep the mind movies at bay and get through the day.

Leigh1983 posted 7/5/2013 23:16 PM

I'm sorry to hear you are 2 years on and still feeling the pain. We are about months into R and I was hoping it would get better with time.....Does it seem we can try to forgive but never forget?

Leigh1983 posted 7/5/2013 23:22 PM

6 months that was

Althea posted 7/6/2013 07:11 AM

(((HurtButHoping)))

I'm coming up on our first antiversary and am struggling with the same flashbacks - seeing the phone and emails, confronting WH, him lying to my face, packing our kids up and leaving. It is all so sad.

It seems like things are compounded for you because your WH isn't doing a whole lot to make you feel secure in staying in your marriage. Good luck today.

jo2love posted 7/6/2013 08:50 AM

(((HurtButHoping12)))

I'm so sorry you are struggling. Please be gentle with yourself today. Lean on us. Sending you strength and support to help you through today.

dameia posted 7/6/2013 09:01 AM

(((HurtButHoping12)))

My first antiversary is tomorrow, so you are not alone. Sending peace and good thoughts your way!

HurtButHoping12 posted 7/6/2013 09:51 AM

Today is just awful. I haven't even gotten out of bed yet. FWH thinks that if he posts a few things on SI and mopes around that it makes it all better. Well, it doesn't. In fact, it makes me angry and irritates because he doesn't deserve to mope around and feel sorry for himself today. The only reason today isn't just a normal day because of the messed up things he has one. I feel on the verge of tears but also numb at the same time. I barely slept last night despite taking a sleep aid - had bad dreams all night. I just want the day to be over.

jo2love posted 7/6/2013 15:46 PM

Just checking in with more hugs for you.
Have you talked to him about how you feel and what you need from him today? Some people need specifics while others naturally know what the other person needs as a source of comfort.

OnAnIsland posted 7/6/2013 15:51 PM

Thinking of you. Did the day get any better? Maybe do something kind for yourself today. What could you do to take care of yourself? Thinking of you.

Lucky posted 7/6/2013 15:55 PM

(((HurtButHoping12)))

I'm so sorry you are in so much pain today. Maybe talk to him and let him know if there is something he can do to help you. Antiversary's are hard it brings back so much emotion and pain.

Be kind to yourself today try and go and do something that will cheer you up.

I'm so sorry.

sri624 posted 7/6/2013 16:51 PM

i am so sorry this is happening to you....i do understand. i am coming up on my antiversary in a few days as well...the discovery of false r.

try to hang in there....if you are mad, then that is okay...if you are sad, so be it....do what you need to do to heal and feel better. hugs to you.

HurtButHoping12 posted 7/6/2013 18:08 PM

Well, I had a good cry in the shower, then tried to stay busy all day. Played with the kids and the dog, worked in the garden. WH didn't really do much except avoid me and say sorry a few times. I'm just really sick of spelling everything out for him - there comes a time when you need to figure it out for yourself.

He took this week off of work because of DD and we had some good days, but this was not one of them. He didn't do one thing to try to be extra special or nice. I don't know why I keep hopibg he will get it and do stuff like that... he never does. I should be used to it by now.

Oh well, I made a nice dinner more for myself than anything, and I'm counting the minutes until its bed time for the kids. Maybe I will go for a swim. I'm very glad this day is drawing to a close. At the rate we are going, who knows if I will even have to worry about dealing with an Antiversary, next year

Memphis posted 7/15/2013 09:48 AM

My friend, I am truly sorry. After a 40 year relationship with my 1st H, I left because of his infidelity. I was only aware of 2 times. I am newly remarried, and new promises made. One week before our first anniversary he cheated on me which is just beyond me. I am looking for closure but don't know what it looks like. We promised each other a better second year . . . we will see. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was told that there is forgiving but not forgetting, and if there is no closure it is nothing more than sweeping it under the rug which will eventually fester your feet. So, I an searching for closure, and I hope the same for you my friend.

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