This is the kind of thing I can really only comment on from the relative anonymity of the internet. I found out about my WW's affair because I went snooping around her computer... and despite my better judgment, I've periodically come back to do the same. Since we're living together still, she sometimes leaves her laptop active and unsecured, and I succumb to temptation and take a peek. I've chided myself multiple times for doing it, not only because of the ethics of it, but because I never learn anything good, and it just frustrates me and hurts me more. I'll certainly be happy when she's out of the house and the option is no longer open to me, but...
Today, I learned something encouraging from reading some of her journaling. She and the OM are not getting back together. She wanted to. He doesn't. Thank god for small favors.
I'm not exactly sure why. Unsurprisingly, the relationship doesn't seem to have meant as much to him as it did to her. He is saying it was a mistake (No shit), and so on. I suppose I ought to award him points (though this in no way brings him back from the deficit he had going in) for this. With a lonely, desperate, newly-separated woman looking to throw herself at him... I personally expected him to jump at the opportunity. She seems to be resigning herself to the fact that it's over. Frankly, I don't care why he ended it, whether he decided to grow a conscience, or whether he just preferred less complicated conquests. I'm just glad that it's over.
So why is this good news? Well, I'm not even remotely expecting her to come back to me after this (I'm not even sure if I would take her if she did). It's not even that I'm glad to see her getting a taste of her own medicine. Frankly, knowing that she's heartbroken over this just... I doesn't elicit sympathy, but it does make me feel all the more sad for this whole situation. She's done terrible things to me and to our family, but she's also done terrible things to herself. Now we're all sad and heartbroken. Great...
What makes this good news is the fact that I was really worried that this guy would somehow end up being a feature in our family's life, that she would seek him out as a long-term partner and my daughter would end up being exposed to him. I felt like I could learn to live with anything related to this divorce except that. I was not prepared to allow this man anywhere near my daughter. And now it looks like I don't have to worry about that (let's all cross our fingers).
There is still the lingering question of what kind of relationships my daughter will be exposed to through my WW in the future. I worry that my WW will never work through the issues that led to this disaster and will end up repeating it, rupturing our daughter's family life again. I worry that she won't be able to hold onto a man of quality. After all, I probably wouldn't marry someone if I knew that she cheated on her first husband. And if she keeps it a secret, is it just a ticking time bomb?
I suppose what I should want is for her to be able to build a stable family life for herself after this. I don't want this for her, but I want it for our daughter. Her family life is already going to be messed up by the simple fact of the divorce. I don't want it to be messed up further on her mother's side. All of this, of course, is out of my control, but at least there's one less thing to lose sleep over at night.
[This message edited by dbellanon at 10:26 PM, July 5th (Friday)]