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Athena1979 posted 7/6/2013 06:48 AM

This is the third time I have caught my husband using prostitutes. But just the caught part...

When I investigate, it has been multiple times over the past months.

The first time I kicked him out, I wrote a letter.

The second time, I talked to him face to face.

This time....I don't if I can talk to him face to face.

I kind of want email him on his phone moments before I disconnect his service.

What do you think is the best way to tell the WS to hit the road?

Any pros cons to letter versus face to face?

Btw...this is my house I bought before marriage so I can't leave. And he's working on a porno with one of his prostitutes but has others from backpage he will use in between becoming a 'movie star'.

I just don't think I can stand having him look me in the eyes and straight up lie to me...more!

I'm going to get legal advice and a counselor thus week- to get my head on straight. That was my mistake the last 2 times. I wasn't prepared for the emotion.

I want to get this done by next week.

Please help with suggestions!

Thank you...thank you....thank you!

Take2 posted 7/6/2013 08:16 AM

Why bother to confront at this point - Hefty bag his stuff, change the locks, have him served - (not necessarily in that order). That should say it all.

realitybites posted 7/6/2013 08:23 AM

Totally agree with Take2. Get prepared first with an attorney but even then just hefty bag his stuff out of the house and change the locks. The shock value alone is priceless.

You don't need to give him notice. He has been told long enough. Now just make plans for how you want to go on with your life.

Athena1979 posted 7/6/2013 09:00 AM

I was thinking of having my brothers come over in the morning with him at work.

And get all if his furniture and things out of my house and in the yard.

(We live in small town with neighbors we all know. Not likely things would be stolen)

And let him know anything left in my yard by the next day would be sold.

I'm all for not having to say anything to him.

SBB posted 7/6/2013 09:05 AM

If left handed I recommend the left foot. If right handed I recommend the right foot.

But... I don't condone violence so what Take2 said.

((Athena1979))

solus sto posted 7/6/2013 09:20 AM

I think having your brothers help is a great idea.

When "asking" my husband to leave the second time (days after he moved back I had another d-day), I just told him to get out. He took what he could carry in one carload. That might be an alternative, too. A simple, "Get out. You have an hour to get what you need from this house."

Legal? I dunno. No one's challenged me.

I'm really sorry for your pain. My husband used prostitutes, too. It adds a unique level of ick to the situation. Millions of hugs to you.

phillygirl posted 7/6/2013 15:47 PM

I wouldn't put his stuff on the lawn. Too much potential liability.

I would pay first month's rent on a storage unit, put all his crap in there, and then have one of my brothers give him the key. I would take pics of all of the stuff and have a list of all of the stuff. That way he can't accuse you of anything.

Then he has thirty days to do whatever he wants to get his stuff.

Nature_Girl posted 7/6/2013 16:05 PM

I went for Shock 'n Awe. Hefty bagged his shit, changed the locks and had a process server waiting for him when he got home. I took back control!

Housefulloflove posted 7/6/2013 17:22 PM

I read your previous post about Mr. Porn Star and I would get an emergency locksmith to get the locks changed immediately, put his shit on the lawn and don't answer the door for him. If he is out of the house right now, do it now while you are still angry enough to act on it! If he's home, the minute he steps out the door make it his LAST time stepping out of that door because he won't be coming back in.

I went for the face-to-face approach and we both owned the house so it wasn't as simple as changing the locks when he went to work. He could legally break back in. It was 2am on a weekday morning and I suddenly knew I couldn't handle looking at that cheaters rotten face one more second (oh, and he had started contacting OW in my face which helped greatly in getting to that point!)

So I literally followed his dumb ass around the house saying "Get out! You have to go now! You can't stay another day or even another night! You gotta go because..and because...and because.." etc. etc.

Despite how dumb he is he managed to grasp that my voice was going to be the soundtrack of his life until he packed his shit and hit the road. I didn't care where he went and actually suggested that he give OW a call to see if he could stay with her!

His relationship with her was largely built on his delusion so he didn't even bother to call her to stay there, probably because he knew she would say no and encourage him to try to stay with me like she had been for weeks at that point! Idiot. OW made it clear from the beginning that she didn't want his foul ass and was just in it for *fun* but his stupidity mixed with arrogance made him assume it had to be something more.

As soon as he started packing I laid down and was out like a light from emotional exhaustion. I wasn't sleeping or eating for over a month at that point and my mind, body and soul knew that *FINALLY* I could rest because that malignant asshole was gone!

The sooner he is out, the better. A man with no empathy or remorse is like living with a vampire. Every minute he is around you he will suck the life out of you.

Athena1979 posted 7/6/2013 18:56 PM

Wow - houseoflove!

I love the idea of just following him around, until he leaves.

Anything I can do to annoy him, will reap satisfaction for me!

I have the locks ready to be installed.

I was concerned about liability of stuff on the lawn. No matter he deserves having broken stuff, I'm sure a judge would think otherwise.

Side note:
I was looking at my husbands phone this morning and checking browser history.
In between sexmagazine.com was "6 ways to handle your difficult wife" and "how to treat severe depression".

Another side note:
Anyway, anyone see that picture of the house with a bunch of stuff in the yard, wig a sign that says "divorce sale. Everything goes. Cheap."
And there's a policeman there. It's m mental picture of what could happen if I did that to his stuff.

I appreciate the advice.

Does anyone have any advice from experience, as well?

What happened when you kicked a WS out?

How did you do it?

What would you have done differently?

[This message edited by Athena1979 at 7:01 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]