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shatteredheart7 posted 7/6/2013 08:27 AM

There are days that I seriously wonder this question! At least about my oldest! He is driving me insane, and with all the other crap that I have to deal with I really don't need this now! I told him the other day that living with him is like living with his father again! I put up with that man for 10 yrs and I refuse to have a carbon copy of him living in my home, eating my food and stressing me out!
He is 21 yrs old. Joined the army national guard right out of HS. At his graduation from Basic he was chosen to make a speech on integrity. We were all so proud of him! He finally got home in late march 2012. He got a good job. Then he met a girl. Lost his job, found a new job that wasn't as good. They got engaged on Christmas Day and moved in together. In April she decided that wasn't what she wanted. Out of the blue he showed up on our doorstep about midnight one night. We told him he could stay here until he found another place to live. He spent the next 3 weeks "going to work" and fighting with her. Come to find out later, the night he showed up on our doorstep he had quit his job!Then a few days later he gets a registered letter in the mail from his commander about missing so many drills! If he doesn't give them a damn good reason why... he is out, dishonorable discharge! So my H sticks his neck out and gets him a job with a company that works in the chemical plant he works at. The only draw back, he is on call 24/7. Doesn't usually know until around 5am if he is working that day. Well, he has been doing pretty good with that. Other than the fact that I had to put a phone in my room so I can hear it ring because he doesn't hear it. Then I find out he is 2 months behind on his truck payment and they are wanting to come get the 4 wheeler that he financed because of non payment!He just turned 21 a couple weeks ago and since then he has started drinking. He also let the tags on his truck expire, so I have been having to take him to work and pick him up. He was suppose to work today. When he got off work yesterday they told him they had a couple big jobs today so he would most likely be called in this morning. Well, 4:26 this morning the phone rings. I get up and go in his room to wake him up and he isn't there. I search the whole house and he isn't here. His truck is in the driveway, but no sign of him. I have been calling and texting his cell phone since 4:30am and no answer, no reply. He kept his FB and twitter logged in last night and I have been all through them and haven't a clue where he is. I am beyond pissed off and I am dreading telling my H when he wakes up! When he does decide to show his face back here I know there is going to be a HUGE fight!!!!! I know I am going to end up putting him out... I just dread it!

I often wonder where I went wrong with him. His sisters are nothing like him! My oldest DD is 17, does very well in school (all AP and Advanced classes), plays tenor sax in marching and jazz band, does volunteer work, and is the youngest Assistant Manager at the restaurant she has worked at since she was 15 1/2. My youngest DD is 14, also a very good student, Very dedicated to her drumming. She practices it almost non stop. Other than being outspoken, maybe even mouthy at times, she never causes me any problem. So what did I do wrong with him????

Well its been 5 hours now, so guess I will try calling him again. I just hope he wakes up one day before its to late!!! I have given him the speech about all choices you make have consequences...but doubt that it has sunk in to his thick head!!!!

kernel posted 7/6/2013 11:11 AM

Honey, you didn't do anything wrong with him - he's making his own choices and they have nothing to do with you. Except that you keep rescuing him, and he probably figures you'll just keep on doing it. Perhaps if you stop being his safety net, he will have to get his shit together.

FWIW, I went through some truly awful times with my own son. He didn't straighten up until we (me, XH, grandparents, uncle) quit rescuing him. And yes, we put him out of the house. Hard, hard, hard but it was the right thing to do.

Hugs to you.

Kajem posted 7/6/2013 11:35 AM

((((((shatteredheart7))))))

shatteredheart7 posted 7/6/2013 14:19 PM

After 10 hours of me knowing he was gone, 11 1/2 hours of him actually being gone. Over 200 phone calls to him, about 100 text message, my husband spending an hour and half searching the woods, Calling all his friends, posting on his FB and Twitter asking for anyone that knew where he was, calling the police to see if he was in a holding cell and having the police on the phone getting ready to head to our house to fill out a missing person report. He FINALLY shows up! And is pissed off that I was yelling at him!!!!!
This is the first time he has done something like this. The Mom of his best friend just showed up here to see if there was any word from him yet. She about knocked this shit out of him.He is suppose to be going to their house tonight for a going away party for his friend and he works with her husband... she says he is going to beat the crap out of him, I told her to tell him to go ahead! My mom who lives an hour away is on her way here. She cancelled plans as soon as we called her.... Guess its time for an intervention. I have also told him that he has 30 days to get his shit together or he is out and for the remainder of the time he is living here if he so much as leaves to go to the gas station without telling me I will take a baseball bat to his knees so that I know he can't leave again... and he knows my temper and I mean it!

Dark Inertia posted 7/6/2013 15:12 PM

So where was he this whole time?

shatteredheart7 posted 7/6/2013 20:30 PM

I finally woke up. After everyone left I laid down on the bed and passed out. My husband made everyone chocolate chip pancakes, sausage and eggs then woke me up and made me come eat.

He says that a friend from where we use to live called and needed his help so that was where he was. Oh and he didn't have any phone service... do I believe him? NO! Do I think he is going to change? NO!

painpaingoaway posted 7/6/2013 20:59 PM

I'm sorry sh7.

Here's a little something to make you laugh:

shatteredheart7 posted 7/6/2013 21:04 PM

Lmao! Thanks Pain, I really did need that! Now I'm gonna go lay down again and let my husband, who has been my rock all day, pamper me with a massage!

jo2love posted 7/7/2013 13:48 PM

I am so glad he is ok. That must have been a whirlwind of emotions. I would have been a wreck.

shatteredheart7 posted 7/7/2013 20:07 PM

Thank you. I was a wreck! My husband was seriously thinking he was going to have to get a hold of my Dr for some Valium. I have never been that scared in my life! One good thing to come of all of this though, I seen yesterday just how much my husband loves me and my kids!

But I have to say, thanks to the great advice and stories I have read on here I dealt with him pretty well. I put my bitch boots on and when he got mad because I was yelling I got in his face and said "you have no right to be mad at me. What you did was your choice and it caused a lot of worry and pain to people who love you! So you will sit there and take all my anger, yelling and screaming until I feel better." It was late last night when I realized that what I said to him was stuff I learned from this site!

I'm so glad I accidentally ran across this place!