Lilyflower08, welcome. I know that this is a site that you never wanted to have a reason to find, but I'm glad that you DID find us, for support. Listen, it's a weekend and there aren't a lot of people here on weekends, so please, don't feel like you're being ignored. People do check in frequently and more people will definitely be here on Monday.
In the meantime, please take a look in the upper left corner, at the yellow box, and click on The Healing Library. Read it. Read any post in this forum that has a bulls-eye next to it. There is some great information there for you, written by people who have been there and gone through hell. Information about what you can expect, what you should demand, and common pitfalls that the B (betrayed) person falls into.
Also, take care of yourself. You need to force yourself to eat whenever and whatever you can, stay hydrated (no booze), and try to get some exercise. If you feel like you're going crazy, your emotions are all over the place, you hate him and love him and hate him, and you are too stunned to make any decisions, understand that this is NORMAL behavior. We call it the rollercoaster. Expect to cycle through a great deal of emotions in a very short amount of time regularly.
Last, I hate to tell you this, but you're going to need to call your doctor on Monday (or any other doctor) and ask for a full STD/HIV test. He's going to have to do the same, and he needs to show you the printed results. You cannot take his word that he has done this and all is OK because, well, he's a liar. And liars lie. And even if he swears on the head of the most beloved person known to him that he used protection each and every time, he still needs to take the test. Because liars lie and, even if he used a condom, there are other ways to transmit disease. I am so very, very sorry to have to type this last paragraph to you.
Please do come back for support. We're all here for you. (((hugs)))
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012