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Reclaiming vacation

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HFSSC posted 7/6/2013 13:19 PM

Our "go-to" vacation spot has always been Florida. We honeymooned at Disney. We've been somewhere in Florida about every other year since we were M. I also had a lot of very happy childhood and college memories, particularly in Orlando.

Enter the A. Our last 2 Florida trips were tainted. The last trip, particularly was awful. Our trip in October 2010 was a fishing trip through a wish organization similar to Make A Wish. I have since found out their EA had kicked off the week prior to that trip. When we returned home, I knew something was wrong. We ended up going out one evening and making out on a park bench. I remember feeling like he couldn't be with me unless he imagined I was someone else. I had no idea he already had someone in mind. Dday was less than 3 months later. The last trip was in August 2011. We had planned it for 2 years. We were prepaying so when we S prior to our false R we discussed splitting the week bet he ultimately told me to just take that week with the boys. When he moved back home, we weren't sure he'd be able together the week off. We discussed all sorts of options but ultimately he was able to get off work and we all went together. It was HORRIBLE. He was moody and miserable the whole week. He drank almost nonstop. Nothing made him happy. Three weeks after that trip was when false R blew up. When I got the phone records and discovered he had been talking and texting OW almost constantly on that trip I was livid. Any good memories I had managed to scrape out of that trip were ruined.

So here we are almost 2 years later. I had struggled with whether I even wanted to go back to Florida but circumstances prevailed making it clear that's where we were supposed to go. And we are on our way home now after an amazing, wonderful week. It's the best week I've ever spent with him and our boys. Even the 90 minute time share ordeal was okay because we were a team. We ARE a team. He was attentive and thoughtful and HAPPY this week. We spent too much money but oh well. He gave me back something very precious to me and I am so grateful.

OnAnIsland posted 7/6/2013 16:00 PM

HFSSC and JMSSC. That sounds great. I am glad you were able to reclaim vacation and enjoy those days with your boys.

sri624 posted 7/6/2013 16:48 PM

i am so glad that you shared this! we too love florida and had what i thought the best vacation over july 4th weekend last year in fort lauderdale. it was amazing. and then i learned when we got back after reviewing phone records that he had been in contact with the ow before during and when we got back from the "great" trip.

i was devastated. i learned i had been in false r the whole time. just like you...i was so hurt. and i never wanted to go back.

the 4th just passed and it was a trigger thinking about being in fort lauderdale this same time last year...and it was also our anniversary weekend, so it hurt even more. yes, he was talking to her even then.

i am glad you shared your story...to give me hope. maybe, if we make it...we can reclaim fort lauderdale back...and go again next year. i am glad you shared your story.

i did want to ask you...did you think of the false r stuff while you were there this time? or was the a out of your mind?

integritymatters posted 7/6/2013 17:13 PM

And we are on our way home now after an amazing, wonderful week. It's the best week I've ever spent with him and our boys. Even the 90 minute time share ordeal was okay because we were a team. We ARE a team. He was attentive and thoughtful and HAPPY this week. We spent too much money but oh well. He gave me back something very precious to me and I am so grateful.

HFSSC posted 7/6/2013 18:12 PM

Sri, I did think of it. I still think of the A or its aftermath every single day.

But this was good. Because every time the thoughts went through my head, I was able to truly see and appreciate the incredible changes that he has made. Even before the A, he did not really enjoy traveling, crowds, etc. He used to be very negative.

Now, he finds something good, fun, positive in everything. We went to the beach one day, just me and him. A storm blew up from nowhere and ran us (and everyone else) off the beach. We were in the parking garage and he pulled his phone out and stood in the corner, where the wind and rain were blowing in, and did a pretend "Storm Chaser" weather report.

When we got home this afternoon, I told him most of what I had written in this thread. And when I told him that he had given it back to me, he wept.

Don't force yourself to do Ft Lauderdale, but don't be afraid of it either. Allow your H to give it back to you.

catlover50 posted 7/7/2013 10:02 AM

Good for you!!

Skan posted 7/7/2013 14:26 PM

Hey! We went to Disneyworld on our honeymoon too!

I'm glad that you guys were able to reclaim such a special place for your family!

kansas1968 posted 7/7/2013 14:58 PM

It is wonderful when you can take something back. There are still things that I can't do (or see) without triggering big time. I am hopeing with time, I can take those things back too.

So, so, happy to read your post and to see that you guys overcame a big trigger.

Lowlow posted 7/8/2013 02:57 AM

Okay. So incredibly shitty to hear about your stories re-vacation, but just wanted to say that exactly the same thing happened to me last July. We went on an AMAZING trip to a warm spot in Europe. I had the time of my life! I gave him everything I possibly could.

I then learned that the entire time we were away, he was constantly emailing OW, telling her how much he wished it was her there, not me.

Now he wants to return so we can "reclaim" that vacation. he doesn't understand that it is forever tainted for me. I'm not sure I could ever relax and give so freely of myself like that ever again.

Your stories of your strength, courage and your success on your "return to the scene of the crime" have given me hope. I haven't had much hope since Dday nearly 5 months ago. i have been fearing/dreading our return to Europe (different country but same kind of trip and same time of year). I didnt realize this fear until after we booked. I'm still scared shitless, but now I have some hope. Thanks so very very much for sharing your experience, this has helped me tremendously! I hope the knowledge that you helped someone else with her deepest darkest fears is somehow comforting to you as you endure the shitstorm after the A.

HFSSC posted 7/8/2013 06:44 AM

Thanks so very very much for sharing your experience, this has helped me tremendously! I hope the knowledge that you helped someone else with her deepest darkest fears is somehow comforting to you as you endure the shitstorm after the A.

Lowlow, That's EXACTLY why I am here, and is the one thing that has the ability to keep me going when I have nothing else to grab onto. The fact that we can help someone else through this mess. I'm so glad this helped you.

At 5 months out, I couldn't have imagined facing this, and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have gone as well. But especially over the past year, there has been consistent, profound change in my H, and I have no doubt in his remorse or his integrity. That's something I never could have said 2 years ago.

WaryOptimist posted 7/8/2013 11:19 AM

For a landmark birthday of WH's I booked a dream getaway at a swanky resort he'd always wanted to visit. Had to re-book twice because he didn't come back from his summer romp in time to spend his actual bday with the family, but I just blindly postponed.

It was a once in a lifetime experience, but I knew he was emailing with OW the whole time from our room (I would go down to the business office and hack in to their shared email and follow all exchanges).
Oh, and he was absolutely not interested in sex, probably staying faithful to OW. It. Sucked.

When we see the resort on the news, or they have prestigious
golf tournaments there, he has to point it out to me, like how wonderful it was.

He's dying to go back, guess I have to let him know how I really feel....

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