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hobbeskat posted 7/6/2013 19:04 PM

I asked my WH at work if he wanted to see a show next week along with some other stuff- he didn't explicitly say he couldn't do that evening, and had not told me of any plans, so I went ahead and booked tickets.

Turns out he's going to a meeting about his football club (he's not a player, he's a very passionate and involved supporter). He didn't even *offer* not to go to it. It's an important meeting, so he's going. So now I have to find someone else to go with me to the show. I was hoping to make a date night out of it because he's only off for a few days next week and my sister is going to be here on some of them so we won't get much time together.

I wish he'd just even offered not to go and I'd have still told him to. But no, no offer, just saying he didn't actually say he was free that night.

I'm really trying not to be an asshole about it but I can't help it. I'm just so super sensitive right now, I don't feel important.

End rant!

[This message edited by hobbeskat at 7:05 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]

painpaingoaway posted 7/6/2013 20:52 PM

Looks like he missed a prime opportunity to show you that YOU are no.1.

I'm so sorry. I would be livid!

fourever posted 7/6/2013 21:05 PM

Hobbeskat,
To me, it sounds as if he blew you off. However, you cannot just assume he gets that he hurt you by going to this meeting.
I know it's a catch 22. On one hand, he wrote you a beautiful note recently, but did he show you by actions that he truly feels that way? You know what I mean?

Did you step up and tell him how much this hurt your feelings, and how you feel tonight? If not, how would he have reacted to you had you pointed it out?

I don't mean to scold you. I want you to look at the situation and see if perhaps this is a miscommunication on both parts.
Yes, he should be more in-tune, but it takes a LONG time for them to get it. A LONG TIME. It does not come naturally usually. Mine gets it, but still F's up sometimes.

It takes a really long time to not be sensitive. I still flip a cookie very often if I don't like his tone. Give yourself a break.
Do sit down and tell him how you feel, exactly how you feel, and what would help you through this right now.
I used to hold my tongue, suffer in silence, and let things go. We know what happened.
Now, I let nothing go. If it bothers me I say it. He does too. Most of the time it's an understanding talk about how we feel, sometimes it's an angry snap. But crap, we're married!! And he's lucky we are! Actually, we are both lucky, but it's work every day.
((hobbeskat))

Pass posted 7/7/2013 07:25 AM

I'm really trying not to be an asshole about it but I can't help it. I'm just so super sensitive right now, I don't feel important.

Be an asshole. His most important job now is to make you feel important!

confused615 posted 7/7/2013 08:09 AM

Your dday was a little less than 5 months ago.

He shouldn't be going anywhere other than work and out with you..not right now when you need to feel safe..when you need to be his first priority.

I think it fucking sucks that you mentioned wanting to see a show,have a date night with him...and he didn't tell you he had any other plans..so either he did at the time and chose not to tell you...or he made these plans after he knew you wanted to do something together.

You don't feel important because he is choosing to spend time with his football buddies..instead of rebuilding the marriage..and the heart of the woman he destroyed.

You need to tell him this is not ok. That he needs to back off of his clubs and hobbies..for the time being...and make you his top priority..and work on rebuilding the relationship between the two of you...you don't have to be an asshole about it...but you don't have to stay quiet when he is hurting you either. Speak up!

hobbeskat posted 7/7/2013 10:06 AM

I only booked the show yesterday, asking him via email if it was okay, and he didn't address the question so I assumed it was and booked it and then he told me he had plans. Was crossed wires there.

I did say I was annoyed as I didn't feel important and he said this has been on the cards for 6 months. But he didn't tell me.

I'm going with a friend now instead. He's sleeping off his night shift and I'm still annoyed but can't discuss it. Its too late now anyway as I've asked my friend.

[This message edited by hobbeskat at 10:15 AM, July 7th (Sunday)]

hobbeskat posted 7/7/2013 16:30 PM

Didn't go massively well as I woke him up for work and basically shouted at him. Whoops.