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Anyone Go Out By Themselves?

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Must Survive posted 7/6/2013 20:00 PM

It has been 19 months since D-day. I spend a lot of time with my family, go to some meetups (mostly kayaking), do bootcamp 3 times a week. And of course go kayaking, swimming etc. I only have 1 close friend (I dropped another one, due to her attitude regarding the A and my STBXH) My friend is busy with her family. The meetups I went to for single women felt very clicky, I did not enjoy.

My question is does anyone go out by themselves for a drink/dancing? Just really think once and a while it would be nice for a change of 4 walls.

But, what does it look like to be a single women (56) out at a bar?

I can only go to so many movies, read so many books. Just feeling a little stir crazy.

Kajem posted 7/6/2013 20:06 PM

I have a friends who own a tavern, husband and wife. I go there, the bartenders are single women around our age. A lot of our former friends pop in and out. They don't have room for dancing...well not inside anyway.

It's ok... but I would like to go out with a GF or 2 dancing and just have fun.

I need new friends... I am working on it.. but it takes time.

kernel posted 7/6/2013 20:45 PM

Must Survive - I hear you! Stir crazy perfectly describes how I feel sometimes. I have some good friends but they are all married or partnered so not really available to do stuff with me all that often. I live in a small town so no meet-ups. I haven't gone to bars here on my own yet, but I may start going for a drink now and then because someone I know is bar tending a couple of nights per week. In the big city, I would be too chicken on my own. Sometimes I wonder about a personals ad just looking for friends to hang out with!

tearsofjade posted 7/6/2013 20:54 PM

I am almost 50 and I do try to do things by myself. Went to bingo last nigh and won $140.00! I will go out to eat, haven't done the movies solo yet.

As for drinks and dancing, I have not, for me I would feel uncomfortable being a single female in a bar. I completely understand your situation since I am in it myself. Everyone seems busy with families etc.

Williesmom posted 7/6/2013 21:35 PM

I do go out by myself to the movies or to eat. I tend to avoid bars, just because I don't like the way that I feel when I'm there.

I spen a lot of time walking my dogs, or just window shopping if I want to get out of the house.

I think the big excursion tomorrow is going to be a facial and a pedi.

Sad in AZ posted 7/6/2013 23:07 PM

I go to restaurants by myself all the time, and if they're crowded, I'll eat at the bar. I don't go to bars per se, though, and I always bring a book to read--my Nook so I can see if it's dark in the place. I rarely talk to people

OnceInALifetime posted 7/6/2013 23:17 PM

I think going to a bar by myself would only exacerbate any loneliness that I feel. The odds of actually forming a connection at a bar seem low to non-existent to me, at age 47.

When I'm feeling lonely or bored, I exercise. Really helps in the short term, but doesn't solve the problem.

Which is why I'm on the hairy edge of signing up for dancing lessons.

fireproof posted 7/7/2013 00:18 AM

I enjoy a drink every now and then so during the afternoon/early evening 5-7 I discovered a few local places. I got to know the bartenders and there is live music on Fridays so they invited me back. It is an option. Overall I don't know if going to a dancing/ bar at night by yourself the safest thing.

Check out other meetups that have dancing and bands. I have been to a few wine meetups that are nice.

You could take a class in something you were always interested in and meet someone new that way.

I enjoy meetups because they span from sporting events to dinners to hiking. I go to dance places with women I met through meetup and other activities.

Have fun and try new things- it is interesting to learn how you respond to new situations.

missherlots posted 7/7/2013 16:43 PM

Most sundays, I go to a bar that it is big in dancing with music of the past. Nothing pop or rock. You know, the kind of bar for 50sh people like myself. I am latino, so for me dancing is part of my culture. Anyway, this place is crowed with mid aged people who likes to dance and have fun. Some get drunk and some like myself have a beer or two and water all the time. I always go back home by myself bc I choose to do so, and lots of ladies do the same thing. We go to have fun and dance. sometimes I don't dance and still enjoy the moment there.
Anyone can be clean or dirty anywhere, but your image will dictate how people behave around you.
So, have fun. We have one life and it is short, very short to waste in self-judging.

my two cents.

[This message edited by missherlots at 4:47 PM, July 7th (Sunday)]

tryingagain74 posted 7/7/2013 21:49 PM

Yes, but I'm more of an "enjoy a good book at the local coffeehouse" type of person, or I'll happily go see a movie by myself. I want to take a class in something this fall or start singing again, so I think that's the NB direction I'll be going in for now. It would be nice to meet new people in a setting where we all have a hobby in common. Did you ever think about taking a foreign language, an art class, cooking class, or dancing class?

hurtinky posted 7/7/2013 21:50 PM

I don't go out drinking and dancing ever, so I don't do it alone. I really really don't like bars...too noisy.

But, I go out to dinner and to the movies alone all the time. It doesn't bother me at all.

At first, I stuck to times that were not popular with other people, such as an early dinner and a day time movie. Now, I can do these things alone anytime. Although, since I work nights and I'm off a lot during the week, I do tend to do things at off times anyways.

My IC told me once that a person isn't truly whole until they completely and totally embrace being alone. That includes doing things for yourself, by yourself. For me, it's been empowering to get on with my life and not put off doing things just because I'm single. In the end, I think it will be the thing that my children and friends and family will remember the most fondly about me...that I just got on with it.

[This message edited by hurtinky at 9:51 PM, July 7th (Sunday)]

Got2GO posted 7/7/2013 22:06 PM

I go out and do so many things by myself that it is actually very hard for me to do anything with someone else! And this is male or female. I was just invited to a five day cruise. I backed out because I just couldn't imaging having to deal with someone that long. I think that I must need help. Ever since getting rid of my ex just the thought of going to the movies with someone gives me the heebie geebies! I rather go alone. I am my best company.

Hopeful Lady posted 7/8/2013 12:14 PM

I would go to a lounge alone (which does have a bar) but where the focus is on music, not drinking. I would not go alone to a bar that just had drinking and I would not stay at a place where getting drunk is cool. I would make sure never to get drunk if Im out alone too. This is for safety. In short I feel okay going to a bar if I feel safe at that place and I always think of safety first if I'm alone, even when leaving stay alert, look around, make sure no one is following. I would never tell anyone that I'm alone in such places.

[This message edited by Hopeful Lady at 10:45 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

FaithFool posted 7/8/2013 12:22 PM

I go out and do so many things by myself that it is actually very hard for me to do anything with someone else!

This ^^^^

I think some of us hit a 'reset' button that sends us back to childhood. I spent a lot of time on my own as a kid and enjoyed it a lot.

Just got back from a social weekend and it was a lot of fun, being so out of the ordinary for me, but I also enjoyed retiring to my hotel room alone afterwards.

I couldn't handle being stuck on a boat for five days!

torn2bits posted 7/8/2013 12:27 PM

I go most everywhere alone these days, bars, restaurants and week long vacations. I do love to talk and meet new people so I always find someone to dance with.

Actually, when other women in groups find out I am there alone, they always invite me to join them.

I rarely let anyone know I am there alone, especially at a bar. I just say...my girlfriend is meeting me, she went to the bathroom, but she's not back yet, she met someone and is on the other side of the bar talking to them, etc. Safety first.

Its actually curbed the lonliness because I meet and talk with new people.

I would say go for it if you are thinking about it!

Helen of Troy posted 7/8/2013 13:35 PM

I did for awhile, not so much anymore.
Coffee shops with laptop, or sitting at a counter where you can watch tv so it's not awkward. The movies are great, no one cares, it's dark.
I did this during time of my deep healing.
Also got massages at massage schools (cheaper) when I had skin hunger (not sexual feelings but longing to be touched) For the sexual feelings, got a good BOB.
Exercise alone is always great too, just do your own thing. No one cares.
Hope this helps you.

Amazonia posted 7/8/2013 13:47 PM

I go to the movies alone. I love it. It's actually hard for me to go to the movies with people now ... the last movie date I went on, I kept having to shush him.

I also have trouble concentrating at home, so I got into the habit last semester of studying at a sports bar near my house. I go if it's not busy, sit at the end of the bar, and read textbooks. The bartenders are really friendly and understanding that I drink more water than beer, but they keep both glasses full, and I tip extremely well.

It's hard for me to justify the expense of eating out alone, so I don't do that much, but I do enjoy it too.

idkam posted 7/8/2013 14:08 PM

I' m 40ish and i love going to the movies, restaurants and have going out by myself... I got to know the bartender and owner of the bar... Its no biggie to me so i say go for t...

torn2bits posted 7/8/2013 17:19 PM

I go most everywhere alone these days, bars, restaurants and week long vacations. I do love to talk and meet new people so I always find someone to dance with.

Actually, when other women in groups find out I am there alone, they always invite me to join them.

I rarely let anyone know I am there alone, especially at a bar. I just say...my girlfriend is meeting me, she went to the bathroom, but she's not back yet, she met someone and is on the other side of the bar talking to them, etc. Safety first.

Its actually curbed the lonliness because I meet and talk with new people.

I would say go for it if you are thinking about it!

Must Survive posted 7/8/2013 17:49 PM

Thanks for all the responses. I do a lot by myself now. Although I have never gone to a movie by myself.

OIAL; very brave to think about dancing.

Still looking to find my "inner hobby". I have lost some joy for the ones I use to have do to the past 18 months.

I may try going out alone. We will see.

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