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My son has not heard from his Dad or really spent any time with him since the day he was busted for his secret apartment and moved out (Dec. 17th). No phone calls, visits etc. If WH came over for some reason, he ignored DS. Last weekend, WH called and said he wanted a relationship with his son, admitted that he was partially to blame for their non-existent connection and ORDERED me to have him ready at 9am this morning for him to take DS out. DS and I discussed this and my son is adament he will not go anywhere alone with WH.

I told WH he needed to talk to his DS about this earlier this week. WH responded that he did not need to talk to DS, he is a child (12 years old) and will do wat he is told.. DS is very angry at his Dad and this caused alot of upheaval. DS has had nightmares, walked and talked in his sleep ( he is normally a very happy, easy going kid), I took him to see a therapist cause he was so upset about how to deal with his father's upcoming visit. Therapist told me that it was my duty to discuss this with WH, not my son's. That is hard cause WH blames me..anyway after all this, DS does tell his father he will not leave the house with him, but he can visit him at home. WH calls and says he is NOT coming, spews 30 minutes of verbal abuse and hangs up. This morning, WH calls at 9:45 like nothing happened and apologizes that he is going to be late, says he is coming over at 12 to see DS. He gets here at 12:45, spends 15 minutes w/ DS playing a video game and then leaves w/ DD, who strokes his ego. When he returned, he told DS goodbye and just left.

I don't want to jump in and be mama bear, but I don't see any benefit for my son from a relationship with his Dad. I do not want my son to have to ride this coaster.

I apologize that this is all over the place...I just don't know wat to do. I think I am trying to protect my son from future hurt, but am worried that I am letting my issues w/ WH affect my judgement as to his relationship w/ my son....I don't want to hurt my son. He does not trust his father. Does anyone have experience with this issue?

I think your instinct is accurate. I think the dynamic you've described is destructive for your DS's emotional development. In many states 12 is old enough to have input on visitation.

Do you have visitation orders signed by a judge? If so, it may be time to amend them. If not, it may be time to craft them with the assistance of a lawyer & input from your son & the counselor. You don't want to do this on your own, as you've experienced you're going to get dragged into a cesspool of hostility & blame.

I think you should be a mama bear. That's what your son needs right now. Try posting in Divorce/Separation about this--i think you will get lots of good advice!

I think as long as he is going to continue to ignore him...and only come by to basically pick up DD...then he can stay away. An absent parent is better than an abusive parent.

Your DD is 18..am I correct? Can she drive? If so,then she can start meeting her dad somewhere else,so your WH doesn't have to come to the house at all.

Your DS has a right to his feelings. If he doesn't want to go,he shouldn't.

I think it sounds like your WH is pissed at him because he knows what your WH has done..and he is punishing him for it.