Ok - so here I go. I joined this forum two days ago, and I am only now working up the courage to enter a post.
It is DD +6 days. My H and I have been married for 22 years, high school sweethearts, two beautiful children (17 year old boy and 15 year old girl). We had what I thought was an amazing life. I married my best friend, he has stuck beside me thru thick and thin. He works out of town for a local engineering company - gone two weeks, home one week.
6 days ago I found text messages between him and a cell number (no contact name) that started with him saying "Hey hottest! How's your day going? I'm just going to get gas!" She replied her day was "going ok, but much better now! I get to chat with you" "Up for a phone call or just texting?" "Call!!!! If you can!"
Needless to say, I felt as though someone had pulled the ground out from under me. I was in our vehicle heading to the lake with him and our daughter so I had to keep it inside until I could speak to him alone. He at first wouldn't say who the texts were to, but eventually fessed up - a girl he used to work with, that I know very well. I was dumbfounded. He claims there is no "affair" - they are only "friends who text/contact each other" My intutuion of course tells me this is a huge lie.
At my urging he contacted the OW's husband (a friend/previous coworker of his as well). He apologized for "inappropriately calling his wife 'hotstuff' or 'hottest' in the past" The OW's H was amazingly fine. Even thanked my H for phoning him, said he knows how it on the job site, and no problem. I felt he just didn't really get it, and so I contacted him thru text, forwarding him the messages. I have heard nothing.
My husband has now gone back to work (for another two weeks). I have set up IC for tomorrow - a two hour session with a therapist. It was the first thing I did in the days following DD - I could hardly breath, was nauseous, but by some miracle was able to hold it together to go to work. Basically pulled myself up by the boot straps. Most of the time, I'd like to gouge his eyeballs out - he keeps telling me how sorry he is, that I am misunderstanding, and that he loves me so much. But to me, it's too little too late at this point.
I'd like to read the "180" but I don't see it anywhere, even when I click on the "healing library".
I have made sure not to initiate contact with my husband. He claimed that he would send the OW an email saying that he couldn't have any future contact with her. He was going to send it to me first to review, but I have yet to see it, and I don't feel I should have to keep harassing him to do it. In my mind, he should be doing back flips to make amends in any way he can.
I am hanging on (barely) thru the help of great friends and a wonderful (twin) sister. I am focused on my IC appt tomorrow (it can't get here soon enough!!!) and my two kids. They deserve none of the pain this is causing.
Any advice is so welcome! And again, if someone could let me know about the "180".