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ohiocarrie535 posted 7/6/2013 22:58 PM

Our 22 year anniversary is next month. We are 4 months out from dday. I am dreading it. We are doing some well, connecting like we haven't for so long. I still have down periods, but we are getting better at riding these out. I really really want to have a special day that day. We came so close to losing each other, and I want to celebrate that we are saving our M. I'm scared I'll have a melt down though. Is there anything I can do to prevent it? He's being so supportive, and very remorseful. I want this day for both of us so much!

[This message edited by ohiocarrie535 at 10:59 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]

RedRaven6500 posted 7/7/2013 09:23 AM

My DDay was October 22, 2011. My 21th wedding anniversary was April 4, 2012. I really wanted to "try" to enjoy and celebrate this, partly because we had not been able to really do much for our 20th because of military commitments. I had such mixed feelings about this milestone anniversary. Especially when 7 years out of the 20 my fWH was cheating on me without my knowledge. So it hurt tremendously to think that our M was only a true M for 13 years. That's how I kept looking at it. I lost a third of my M to my fWH narcissistic and destructive ways. His horrible choices to have multiple EAs and PAs cheated me out of so many things. All of the money, time and intimate moments spent with someone other than his own W has preyed upon my strength, well being and security. My fWH went all out on this anniversary trying to make up for being such a shit for years when it came to our anniversaries/birthdays etc. He booked a trip for us to Hong Kong for a long weekend, and I had to set aside the whole "anniversary trip" and treat it more as a fun sight-seeing trip, just so I could handle it. I know he wanted more out of the trip, but I just wasn't ready. Just do what is best for you. If you can't handle the intimate portions of your anniversary, then don't; if you want to treat it more as a day of healing and a celebration of renewing your commitment to each other, than do. Just know, that you should never pretend or go with the flow because it is expected. I did that for while after DDay and began to resent myself and my fWH. I wish the best for you.

[This message edited by blking at 9:25 AM, July 7th (Sunday)]