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Middle of the night sitting here sobbing

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PrincessPeach06 posted 7/6/2013 23:24 PM

WS and I were talking tonight and he said in nearly 16 years of marriage I am the only person he trusts and its only been since the A that he had realized this.

I was quiet and when we got into bed he said he knew something was bothering me and I finally said " you are the first person in my life I cant trust". He rolled over and said that hurt and refused to talk.

I refuse to let him see me cry and am PISSED so I'm sitting in the hallway as my oldest son is downstairs. Screw this, it's his own fault!!!!!! Ugh!!!! I hope he sleeps like a baby - not!

Lyonesse posted 7/6/2013 23:46 PM

(((PrincessP)))

shiloe posted 7/7/2013 00:10 AM

He rolled over and said that hurt and refused to talk.

I am sorry. So that hurt him hugh??!

It was alright for him to hurt you though??, what he did goes way beyond hurt. It's funny how they forget that. He should have apologized to you instead of saying that you hurt him.

He just does not get it.
He has proved himself a liar and a cheat, of course you can't trust him. Once again, its "blame-shift" time. I am sorry you are going through this.

He needs to own what he did, and step up to giving you what you need to heal.

confused615 posted 7/7/2013 06:13 AM

The fact that you can't trust him is based on HIS actions..I see you have had TWO ddays..he didn't learn anything the first time,and he subjected you to another dday..and it sounds like he hasn't learned anything from this last time either.

It hurts *him* that you can't trust him??

Im betting it hurts YOU a whole helluva lot more.

jjsr posted 7/7/2013 13:00 PM

Yes he hurt you, that's true but if you really want to R, you will have to learn not to beat him over the head with it all the time. Much harder to do then say, believe me. I am almost two yrs out and I still open my mouth. I am learning not to beat him up but I am not perfect

PrincessPeach06 posted 7/7/2013 13:40 PM

Things were better today. He woke me up asking me to go for a walk and apologized and said he was upset and crying and needed time. He said he knew it but to hear me say it is what was hard.

I put all my anger and sadness into my journal instead of bringing it all on him but when something is eating at me he doesn't rest until he knows what it is. :/

hopefullromantic posted 7/8/2013 14:03 PM

Yes he hurt you, that's true but if you really want to R, you will have to learn not to beat him over the head with it all the time

Yes, you are right, jjsr, but Princess is still very early in R and her emotions are still very raw. Her H, and yours need to learn to take it like a man (at least for a while) if they want to R.

naivegirl posted 7/8/2013 14:15 PM

Agree with last poster. It is normal for you to feel and say these things at this stage. He needs to do a better job of helping you to work through those feelings.

sri624 posted 7/8/2013 14:48 PM

i am sorry that you are hurting. but you know what? you have every right to be completely devastated by what he has done. and if that means that you need to talk to him every single time you are hurting, the SO BE IT. yes, he does need to take it like a man...and take responsibility for all the damage and hurt that his selfish actions has caused you. there are no shortcuts, no easy fixes to r...it sucks, and it is hard...but i will tell you this....NOT talking to him about how you feel will only make things worse in the long run. it is called rugsweeping when we do this...and that is a fact.

when you dont talk about it, or only journal it, or only talk to you ic about it, or try not to rock the boat, upset him, or think that talking about it will put the r at risk...is all bad news. each one of the "talks" you have can be gut wrenching..but that only brings the 2 of you closer to healing. yes, he is uncomfortable, ashamed, and embarrassed...and he may even be crying too...but he should be, you know? you feel all the same things he feels magnified by 100. and that is the truth.

personally, i feel that it is about the cheater manning up...and taking it. because in the end, this is about him doing everything he can to help you heal right now.

you are a few months out from him cheating on you again....there is no way in the world you are not going want to bring this up all the time....no way.

if you want to go there...go there...and dont be afraid of him leaving you. you are not putting your r at risk. if he bails, or doesnt want to talk about it because it makes HIM upset...then you never were in r in the first place.

hugs to you...and be strong...

crazyblindsided posted 7/8/2013 17:54 PM

he knew something was bothering me and I finally said " you are the first person in my life I cant trust".

Yeah they don't get this part until later, when they don't have it anymore

When my WH asks why I need the GPS on his iphone I tell him it is because I cannot trust him at all at the moment. He knows why.

RidingHealingRd posted 7/8/2013 18:24 PM

I put all my anger and sadness into my journal instead of bringing it all on him

You should direct the anger where it belongs, at your WH. Are you truly able to release and move past the anger that you have for your WH by keeping it from him and journaling about it?

For me I needed to blast my WH for what he did. There was never any brain to mouth editing for me. If I felt it I said it. I never once cared about how it made my WH feel....It was NOT about him. I was true to myself.

I firmly believe that this enabled me to process the hurt and move forward. I pretty much said and did whatever my heart/mind felt at the time...suppress nothing.

Today, 2.5+yr we are in a much better place. The bad days are far and few between and I feel *normal* again.

He rolled over and said that hurt and refused to talk.

What's wrong with him? This is your 2nd dday ((Princess)) ~ Seriously, why should you trust him? He is delusional if he can't/won't grasp that truth.

He needs to put HIS feelings aside and make YOU his #1 priority. Always.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 6:26 PM, July 8th (Monday)]

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