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The Vow - Does that kind of devotion exist?

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kernel posted 7/6/2013 23:32 PM

I recently watched this movie for the first time and it really struck a chord with me. It's the utter devotion and love that is depicted that really gets to me. I was talking about it to a friend of mine and I mentioned how I would really love to have someone care that much about me. She talked about how rare that kind of devotion is, which kind of surprised me since she is married. Obviously, she doesn't feel like she has that in her marriage, which is just so sad. I actually feel like I was that devoted to my X, seriously. (not in an unhealthy, smothering way ) It's a big factor in how long it has taken me to heal. I'm just now coming out of the hibernating (my friend calls it cocooning) stage, almost 4 years after X abandoned me and our marriage, 3 years after the divorce was final.

Anyway, what do you think about that? I know in my head that it exists since the movie is loosely based on a true story, and because I was that devoted, and because I know my parents were. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance about it, you know? That it's out there and there's hope for all of us to find that kind of love. With so much infidelity and divorce around, it's hard to think that way. (It's late, I'm tired, I'm sappy )

[This message edited by kernel at 11:34 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]

persevere posted 7/7/2013 02:40 AM

For me I guess it all comes down to actions versus words. XWH always seemed to be the most devoted husband ever - up to the day he walked out the door....

Yes I guess I will have some trust issues as I proceed lol...

cmego posted 7/7/2013 09:07 AM

No, I think it is a movie. The "real life" story isn't that...sweet. You can google their names and read about it.

If that kind of devotion really exists, I've never seen it....

hurtinky posted 7/7/2013 11:20 AM

I've seen it once. My first set of ex-in-laws. They were utterly devoted to each other. But they were very private people. They didn't parade their devotion around for everyone to witness. It was a very private and quiet love affair. If you didn't watch closely, you could miss it. It's more obvious now that FIL has passed on. MIL misses him like crazy.

So, they make me believe in true love and devotion, faithfulness and loyalty.
Whenever I am tempted to adopt a jaded and cynical view of love, I remember them.

InnerLight posted 7/7/2013 12:13 PM

I was devoted to x. I had it so I think someone else can have it. Maybe one day I will experience this mutually. Sure it exists.

inhishands55 posted 7/7/2013 22:51 PM

My grandparents were like that..Back in their day, they married for live...

Most people today marry and figure if it doesn't work out they can divorce...It takes two to work on a marriage, not just one..

I worked with a couple who had an arranged marriage, their parents and their faith arranged marriage..They have been married over 45 years..

I don't know if arranged marriages last longer, but that one did...

Maybe I should have had an arranged marriage...

Kajem posted 7/7/2013 22:56 PM

I've been lucky to see it several times with grandparents, aunts/uncles.. and even cousins.

It exists... but I think it is built over years of trials and tribulations.

fallingquickly posted 7/7/2013 23:05 PM

I thought WH and I had it. I was so wrong.

Maybe it exists. I don't believe I'll ever trust someone else enough to find it for myself.

roughroadahead posted 7/7/2013 23:40 PM

Where is the line between devotion and co-dependence?

Broken hearted61 posted 7/8/2013 07:48 AM

What RoughRoadAhead said. Made me stop and think about it. Thanks!

jennie160 posted 7/8/2013 09:22 AM

Where is the line between devotion and co-dependence?

This was my thought exactly. I think it's more important to be devoted to yourself than to anyone else. I would much rather have a partner whose values and morals align with my own, who is healthy and capable of loving and taking care of themself.

My grandparents have been married for over 50 years and my parents for over 30 year, but I don't envy them. Just because they have been married that long doesn't mean that they are still happy together.

trumanshow posted 7/8/2013 10:09 AM

XWH always seemed to be the most devoted husband ever - up to the day he walked out the door....

yep-for 25 years

I'm too old to believe in fairy tales

Crescita posted 7/8/2013 10:55 AM

I don't know about this movie, or fairy-tales, but I do think two people with similar values, big picture thinking and kind hearts can make it through anything life throws at them.

lonelylost posted 7/8/2013 11:57 AM

Oh God, I hope that love really does exist. I've only seen it from my grandparents who were married 60 years.

No other couples in my life (relatives, family, neighbors, my own) ever demonstrated that kind of love.

I wonder if it's a generational thing.

little turtle posted 7/8/2013 17:05 PM

I think it does exist.

torn2bits posted 7/8/2013 17:27 PM

I have seen it and it does exist. My sisters have both been married for over 30 years. There were bumps in the road, including infidelity, but they are still getting to know each other (as my sister says).

I was that devoted to my husband and when others came to me and said "torn, he talks about you all the time". Its real.

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