Here is a thought I had of late...it is a new to me thought. It came to me after a recent MC session.
If a man drinks and verbally abuses his wife, causing emotional trauma to her...but they wanted to work on their marriage the counselor would not start therapy with the thought
Okay, he drinks and has caused you emotional harm dear, and that is not constructive to a healthy marriage...but what are you doing to make him drink in the first place? Are you willing to stop doing that so that he can stop drinking? If yes, then this marriage can survive. If no, it is time for you to apologize and leave.
I get the distinct feeling this is how some therapist come at infidelity...and think mine has a slight turn this way as well.
The tones from mine have had the yes, what your wife did was not healthy and destructive to intimacy within your marriage, but you did things that were destructive too...things that left her with unmet needs.
It seems that I am more willing to list and find that which is broken in me and confess them to my wife then she is to do the same for me....enter my faulty coping skills and fear of abandonment.
I just cant think of another form of abuse where the abused partner is expected to take so much of the responsibility for the abuse to have started in the first place. Would a wife of a husband who sexually assaults her be told....If you just had more sex with him he would not have to take it from you so violently?
Anyone KWIM? It is shocking to read what I post here...and that is my point. Why is this not considered the trauma that it is...either by society or some professional councelors? Is it because it is so prevalent in todays society that it is so accepted?
God be with me.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:07 AM, July 7th (Sunday)]