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Going on vacation alone :(

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catlover50 posted 7/7/2013 09:58 AM

So, work has screwed up our vacation plans and my H won't be able to join me. He has been unable to find anyone to cover for him. I need to go because I will be meeting my brother and his family at our folk's house and I haven't seen him in years. Our daughter is already out there.

I have made this trip alone before. I am usually quite independent. This year my H was making a special effort to go. Now we are both bumming. He has been so loving, giving and supportive and he has been helping me in my healing. I'm feeling pretty vulnerable about being apart for the week.

I'm not worried about his behavior, but I am worried about triggers with him across the country, and not having him to hold me every night.

I know I need to be a big girl and I am going to try to work on mindfulness, etc but still I'm anxious.

Any tips?

jo2love posted 7/7/2013 19:36 PM


Can he fly out Friday after work (or take Friday as a personal day) so he would be there for a few days? Can he call/text with you throughout your vacation when triggers happen? Sending strength.

catlover50 posted 7/7/2013 19:43 PM

Thanks Jo.

He tried to change his flight. The fact is he is the only surgeon on call (his other surgeon left) and has tried for weeks to get someone in to cover. No luck.

And my folks live in the country with no cell coverage! I can reach him on the landline, but I haven't told them about his A, so....

We can email. And Skype at night.

I'll have to find new reserves of strength I'm afraid!

jo2love posted 7/7/2013 19:47 PM

You can lean on us. Post when you trigger.

catlover50 posted 7/7/2013 19:49 PM

Thanks so much!

sailorgirl posted 7/7/2013 21:28 PM

I'm sorry, catlover! It is hard to be surrounded by people who don't know, especially if your H can't be there.

I would say go easy on yourself, and since you won't be able to address triggers immediately, write them out in a journal and then put it aside until you can really talk with your H.

Maybe take some good books--page turners with no infidelity? Reading can be a good temporary escape . . .

catlover50 posted 7/8/2013 08:27 AM

Thanks sailorgirl. I'm going to one of my favorite places and can spend lots of time outside in nature's beauty. I intend to try to build my personal strength and serenity, yes journal, etc. Work on me, in other words.

Searchingforhope posted 7/8/2013 12:10 PM

Hi catlover..

I am going through this right now..but it's the other way around...My H is in another state visiting his mother, sister and brother-in-law for 1 week. I couldn't get the time off.

We have talked often throughout the day and that keeps me feeling good.

Also, I am doing things that I like to do...I stained my bathroom cabinets, visited my mother and sister for some girl time..and made plans to have dinner with a friend. Work takes up some time too.

I would make use of the landline and talk to him as frequently as you need to.

Also, soak up as much love as you can from your family. My family, as of recent, now knows about the A...H and I went through a rough patch..(see my updated profile) they have been hugely loving and have given me so much strength. I'm so grateful for them.

Is there any chance that you would share what you've been through with them?

I only did because of our most recent crisis, but I feel pretty relieved now having them there whenever I need to talk etc...

catlover50 posted 7/8/2013 13:00 PM

Thanks searching.

I did tell my folks after Dday 1 and they were disappointmed that I reconciled. If they knew the full extent I don't think they would support me and would likely never forgive my H.

Of course I have seen things in their M that makes me feel that they should not cast stones, but...whatever!

It sounds like you are doing great--good for you!

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