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Newest Member: bflyhigh (61471)

User Topic: I had to pick the scab!
♀ 34197
Member # 34197
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and I have been arguing for the past several days. And when it gets this way I always spiral downward. Truth is, we've never been good since the A...only just slightly better than DDay at best. Anyway, I knew WH had written to MOW on fb but always claimed he couldn't remember what he said...well, I found it...

as every day passes I learn the definition of true love: regret nothing, own every mistake, let every dream be of her, and every time you lose yourself in a moment let each breath be harder than the last...

I will take this guitar and write you a song that will make the whole world stop and listen and when they sing along the rhythm of their vocal chords will mirror the beat of my heart

I know these aren't things he posted to me, I never liked them or commented on them because it seemed so out of sync with the downward slope our marriage was suddenly racing down.

When I read things like this I get sick to my stomach and makes me feel time and again that I should have left. I feel like it was a deal breaker but I stayed because I was pregnant DDay 1, and our daughter was only a week old on DDay 2. Plus, I was scared to let go, I do still love him...some parts of him, but the things two people should say when they're in love, and the way they all just makes me sick feeling. Like I'm trying to be like her. Madhatter here so I understand screwing up. I just dont understand letting go of everything the way he did though, there was absolutely no attempt to minimize the hurt. Nothing was off limits, even joking about her bring the mother of our kids. If there was anything he could do to make it worse and worse, they did it...even feeling sorry for her "having and abortion" (it was a lie) while Iwas the one actually pregnant with his kid. He sure didn't feel sorry for me.

I apologize for the self-induced pity part. I'm in the height of A season and feeling so incredibly sad and hopeless. Dday was 2 years ago this August, someone please tell me this is normal and that it should get better.

The first step to living the life you want is leaving the life you don't want.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 34353
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our dd's are at the same time. Are you getting any help? Of course I didn't have a kid recently but it sounds to me like either you need IC or you two need MC

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA and 10/28/15 NEW dday.
Just surviving.

Posts: 1849 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
♀ 34197
Member # 34197
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JJSR, I agree that we need both.He only attended 3 MC sessions right after DDay and I continued IC until I left my job the summer of last year. Insurance has been the problem there.

The first step to living the life you want is leaving the life you don't want.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 37044
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes it's normal if you consider the timeline of 2-5 years to heal from an A. They were in luuuurve. That's not Love. I rarely quote the bible but I often refer to 1 Corinthians 3 for an idea of what love is.

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

One of the ideas that I have a hard time reconciling in my mind is that my husband actively pursued a relationship with someone else while he was still in a relationship with me. How immature is that? It's baffling. That's NOT love, that's denial, immaturity, self-centeredness and self-delusion, it is self-destruction, deception and manipulation but don't call that love.

BW, R last 4 years of marriage out of 15... FINALLY, HAPPILY DIVORCING!

We are in R.

Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 9973
Member # 9973
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate it for you.
I do same thing too.

I am stuck on certain things very similar to what you posted. Ugh.
Mine posted things that would be hysterically funny in another setting. They were so over the top if I saw it on a movie I would laugh.

Would love to be healed enough to tell you to stop
reading the cheesy crap they have spewed out, but truth be
told...I just posted very similar
and used exact term 'picking
the scab' I am so sorry you are in this horrible nightmare.

As of 10/30/16 I'm in WTF mode.
Ten+ years out. Stunned.
After several years of solid R, (F)MOW
CHECKS IN in to say Hi~ H CHECKS OUT briefly and "forgets to tell me" because IT HADN'T gotten
physical this time. 4 months out agai

Posts: 2875 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: The Valley
Topic Posts: 5

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