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User Topic: Finally hit the fan! Blamed me! Denial!
Athena1979
♀ 39393
Member # 39393
Angry  Posted: 3:27 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I've been posting alot here this weekend.

Well...it finally happened. He actually read my phone with my texts, with my concerns of him and wanting to kick him out. So that worked out.

Brief story: lots and lots of prostitutes since at least 2010 when he got his smartphone. And, recently, a prostitute and him are planning on making a porno together.

I have integrated messaging on his phone, with his permission from the last time I kicked him out. This is how integrated messaging works, because its new, I don't think people know how it works.

I download an app on my iPad or I can log into my computer. Every time he sends a text message, a copy of it goes to my iPad. So even when he deletes his text on his phone, I always get a copy of it on my iPad. And it stays there until I remove it.

So I have texts back and forth with prostitutes. Explicit messages. I told him I can see these messages and that I get a copy. I have access to his emails, going back years to present of the prostitutes.

And when he says he's going to move out, what does he do? He says its all MY FAULT!!!

He then denies EVERYTHING! He says he hasn't been doing anything and has been a good boy!

I tell him that it doesn't matter that he deletes text on his phone because I still know what he has been doing.

And what's he say? He blames me some more, says I haven't been doing my part in the marriage.

And thanks to these forums, I say, "you're right. I'm responsible for 50% of the relationship. You're responsible for 100% of the affair. Oh wait, I mean, affairssssss! I'm the one who was cheated on. Not you! You have severe mental problems and you need help! And you're no going to get help until you take responsible for yourself and stop lying!

More denying. More blame.

Thank you to SI forums! Thank you for the healing library.

If I hadn't have read the forums and the articles here. I wouldn't have been prepared for the blame shifting and denial, when faced with the truth.

He was outright lying and I have him caught red handed!!!!

How can he blame me and keep lying!!!

Because he is constantly saying I'm the one who can't communicate well, I said to him, if you got help, you would be mentally healthy and then you would be able to communicate better.

He flipped his top, because I beat him to his punch line of blame.

Damn him! Damn him! Damn him an his lies! I'm tired of this stress!

[This message edited by Athena1979 at 3:35 PM, July 7th (Sunday)]


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
Athena1979
♀ 39393
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And now he keeps texting me, asking if he can just stay in the garage or whole himself up in the bedroom.


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
realitybites
♀ 6908
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hold your ground. I kicked mine out and asked for all keys and garage door openers. Shocked him but he knew I meant business.

Don't put up with it anymore. You know he is lying. Don't let him play you anymore.


Posts: 5706 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't think that is going to help you to detach, and that is the only way you are going to start and get some peace for yourself.

He should have thought about where he was going to live when he was dumping 225 an hour on prostitutes.

My 2 cents


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4171 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Athena1979
♀ 39393
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh and he asked me, "why do you think I came back last time?"

I missed this one because I WS getting so angry. I should have said, "you came back because I LET YOU COME BACK ON GROUNDS THAT YOU STOP BUYING PROSTITUTES!"


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
Athena1979
♀ 39393
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's the beauty of integrated messaging. It's an actual service that Verizon wireless provides for free. You can download an app to a device, if you want his text messages to go to your device.

But you can also access through My Verizon. You sign in under his phone number through my Verizon.

Then you go to "my Verizon", then to "my messaging". This brings you to another page. Click on "go to Web app" and then click on integrated messaging.

This will sign his phone up for integrated messaging. It will send a text to his phone. Enter the code on the computer ad then another text is sent to his phone to confirm.

There are privacy issues to this. And remember, I had his permission to do this and set it up with him in front of me.

Its kind of like call forwarding, except with texts and both devices get a copy of the text.

I actually began using it on my iPad when I was in meetings and didn't bring my phone. I could still receive the texts on my iPad.


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
Athena1979
♀ 39393
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm holding my ground. Hell no! I said, hell no, sisters!

This sex pervert, wanna be porno star is NOT coming back!

Such a moron! So short sighted!

What does he think an ultimatum is?

He thinks I'm going to fold. I know he's counting on it.

Not going to happen!

Hes so damn stupid he doesn't even realize how stupid he is yet!

I have counselor numbers through my jobs EAP that I will be calling tomorrow. After my breakdown on Friday, I need to get my head o straight.

And EAP is supposed to be sending me attorney numbers on Monday. I will find out what an attorney has to say.

Going to suspend my cable and phone services. To help save money.

Prinitng old emails for him to hand to an attorney.

I have his old phones that have old texts and emails still on them...to hand to an attorney.

His reasoning has been that he just started with cheating recently because I'm so big bad and mean.

The emails can provide proof that I am not at fault. And the only reason I care about that is for custody purposes.

My goal: to only allow him supervised visitations with my girls.

He's a sex addict and a sex offender and solicits prostitutes.

[This message edited by Athena1979 at 5:18 PM, July 7th (Sunday)]


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn, girl. Those bitch boots look FANTASTIC on you! So proud of your strength and determination. (((((Athena)))))


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26545 | Registered: Aug 2011
I think I can
♀ 17756
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job! Print out everything you can and put it somewhere safe--not in the house. With a friend or a safety deposit box. Print out the stuff on the phones. When he figures out you aren't backing down he will start looking to destroy evidence.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8849 | Registered: Jan 2008
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Athena - got your bitch boots on, kicking ass, and taking no prisoners.

Now, I caught earlier that you've nicknamed him: Movie Star, but I think we can do better don't you...? I think you should open it up to a vote, give a little background to his penchants and let the frustrated SI BS's take another stab at it. The porno movie thing is just too tempting.

You're doing great! Anger has its place and can help to get things done. Stay strong!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4171 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Phoenix9
♀ 39733
Member # 39733
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NIK!!!!!!!!! I love that.

I agree with everything said. And I agree with what you are doing. Kudos to you, girl. You are showing him you have bigger balls than him - just that you wear them on your chest.


Me (BS): 36 Him (WH): 35
Married 12 years (Each other's 1st)
Children: 9, 8, 6, 3 and 1 month
DDay#1: March 2008 EA turned PA (kissing, holding hands)
DDay#2: August 2012 (ONS with kissing on lips and certain body parts)
Hoping for true R.

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Phoenix9
Athena1979
♀ 39393
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can do a poll?

That would be awesome! My little movie star can earn something a little more bite to it.

He just text me and asked for my wedding ring back.

I told him, "no. You cheated. Not me."

And I left it at that.

I've been nice and civil to this jackwad of moronism long enough.

He will never make himself better if he never takes responsibility for himself. Idiot.

Btw, changing locks really was quite easy! Yeah me!

Oh...and you ever have something or do something out wish you never did. To fix it, all you have to do is say that it ne'er happened and ... Poof ... Magic! It simply never happened.

Ok. Lets give this a try, I was never with a rotten, dirty, no good, lying, cheating man...hmmm. It's not working.

Wow! My WH really was magic.

There ya go. New nickname for my "movie star" hubby. New nickname, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, introducing the magic entertainer who can make things like hey never happened, Mr. Houdini!!!!


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26545 | Registered: Aug 2011
Got2GO
♀ 26576
Member # 26576
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get rid of him for sure! Trust me when I say, he won't change. Get out before you waste anymore time!


BS (me) 47
WS (him) 70
Together 7 1/2 years
married 6 years
no children together
Happily divorced 1/29/13!

Posts: 111 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: got2go
Housefulloflove
♀ 38458
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job! Hold your ground! The articles and forum here on SI were a lifesaver to me too. Lord only knows how long I would have continued to lay down and play doormat hoping that it would make Ex change if I hadn't gotten the great advice here from people who have been there and done that.

You can see right through him and it's going to piss him off like nothing else. Just keep in mind that if it is coming from him it's pure, concentrated bull from the warped mind of a crazy person.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Kalliopeia
♀ 35053
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

since he is a movie star now, he can sell his "work" and then he will have enough money for a bathroom or something. and a cigar band to pretend is your ring.

Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On a serious note: Do get print outs of the things on his old phone - be sure to have back ups!!!

On a less serious note:

Mr. Houdini: Jackwad of Moronism

Now that^^ has potential!!!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4171 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Athena1979
♀ 39393
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The constant reinforcement is necessary. I will keep reading these forums for reminders.

I have to just keep repeating to myself: I'm not to blame. Im not to blame."

He's not going to change. He's a liar, he's a liar.

Well, the big day is finally over. The beginning of the end. I made it. I survived it.

Who knows what nonsense will happen tomorrow.

But tonight...tonight I am going to sleep in my own king size bed that I bought years ago. The bed I haven't slept in for months because I was so disgusted of the person sleeping in it.

I feel a bit sick to my stomach. But tonight I will sleep. And just sleep.

We will see what "magic" tomorrow will bring.


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
Topic Posts: 18

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