(((letitout)))
I get the financial dependence thing...that's a hard one when you're a SAHM or SAHD; however, good for you for starting to get smart on the finances and cash flow in the household. That's one thing, fortunately, that I've always handled, but I still have felt the vulnerability of not being the breadwinner. Like others, I'd always had a professional life prior to kids, and even before infidelity raised its ugly head I struggled with that sacrifice on a purely emotional level (aside from a paycheck, think of all the other things one gets from a professional life, such as an element of identity, job reviews, a professional reputation, social interaction, and intellectual stimulation....who wouldn't miss that?!)
Developing a sense of COMPETENCE again could be a turning point for you. I don't mean just knowing who to pay when, but also learning new skills. Stuff breaks in the house? Can you read and follow a recipe? Chances are a lot of the stuff you can tackle yourself. Having a Y chromosome or not has zero bearing on your ability to acquire the necessary information. Between YouTube videos and the all the DIY books out there, one is really empowered these days, with no waiting on some darn repairman!
I'm also in favor of an individual bank account belonging to the BS. It doesn't have to be anything more than a Christmas Club account at a credit union....just something in your name alone that has a few dollars in it that you can add to when possible. I believe in back-up plans, now, and particularly in the case of BSs who've been in that sidecar role relative to family finances.
There are modest ways to make a buck here and there even as a SAHM; I learned of mturk through SI (if I remember it's associated w/amazon) and I also have sold things through cafepress.
Aside from all the above, both spouses in any marriage should be able to pick up the reins should the other suddenly not be there due to deployment, death, or incapacitation. That alone is incentive to be co-captains of your family's ship vs. deck hand to the captain.
Honey, I don't think you owe your WH any "I'm sorry's" at ALL. He's the one that ran your family train off the rails, and pretty damn recently.
I think you're on the right track by getting tech-smart and learning a 2nd language. Keep it up; determination and perseverance are keys to success in any quest.