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Newest Member: DontWantToWakeUp (45711)

User Topic: Over 50 dating
cleo
♀ 9000
Member # 9000
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just wondering if any of you that are over 50, have had any luck with the dating scene, OLD or just otherwise.

Just wondering what to expect since it has been 30 years since I dated.


BS(me)54
WS(him)52 - diagnosed SA in 2011
2011 - Disclosed 14 affairs beginning 1 year after our marriage in 1986
Filed for divorce 11/2012
Divorce final 6/2013

Posts: 753 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Texas
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried OLD; hated it. My experience was that the pickings are pretty thin when you reach our age bracket.I pretty much met the dregs--the worst were the guys on the verge of losing their houses who want a contributing roommate.

However, you need to experience it for yourself. Everyone's experience is going to be different.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20432 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
fireproof
♀ 36126
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not over 50 but know people dating who are over 50. They say that the amount of men are less due to the life expectancy and they see the actual men their age looking at younger women because they are more likely to be at meetups. I have also heard because the number of women available the guys in their 50s are players and can be. Unfortunately I have seen this to be true first hand.

All that being said I think if you are solid in who you are and would be happy but not needing a partner than I think you will find someone if that is what you want even as just a friend. Most are divorced if single and some but few widowed.

Always move at the pace you are comfortable and 50 or not if the person wants to enjoy your company will be respectful of your boundaries.

I look at this second part of life as an adventure- sometimes it has been quite comical. Good luck!


Posts: 1055 | Registered: Jul 2012
hurtinky
♀ 26152
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had no luck whatsoever with OLD. In fact, it was a overwhelmingly frustrating experience. I gave up and now I'm enjoying all the time it freed up.

I don't meet many people IRL. I'm a nurse, so most of my co-workers are female. I work nights, and that drastically limits the number of people I come into contact with.

I've tried going to Catholic Match dinners. I know a few of the folks who consistently go to them, and it was always good to spend time with them, but I swear, it was sooooooooo incredibly depressing. There were a bunch of men who come to those things who were just really sad. I finally decided that I just couldn't go through the trauma of having to deal with them. I'd get stuck sitting next to one of them and it was awful. (For instance, one man always brought a box (yes, a BOX) of Kleenex to dinner, sat it out on the table, and blew his nose regularly. He also talked constantly about road construction, which was what he did for a living. Another man ranted and raved all evening about abortion.

Several men from work have tried to "woo" me with their sexual attributes. Yuck.

If I went to meet ups, I likely wouldn't meet a man because my interests lean towards the decidedly feminine activities of the world...knitting, scrapbooking, etc. I'd rather have my toenails pulled out slowly than spend an afternoon sweating while hiking or kayaking. So, not likely to meet a man while pursuing my hobbies.

Honestly, I like being unattached. I've found most men my age and older to be unreasonable, racist, homophobic, and just generally cantankerous. I'm not interested in complaining and whining about the government day in and day out. And, I really can't see myself spending time with someone who, strangely, has no contact with his children. That just about describes the caliber of men I've met. Hee Haw. Where's my knitting?

P.S. I agree with Sad. I met lots of men who were in foreclosure. A bunch who said they were "retired" but who were actually on disability at age 50...because they had a stroke (undoubtedly because they didn't take care themselves). I went out with men who could barely walk. Drove cars I'd be afraid to ride in. It was just more than I could deal with. I've worked hard all my life to protect myself in all areas, and I have a beautiful home, insurance, a decent car, my health, etc. I'm not about to get messed up with someone who needs a Sugar Momma Nurse.

[This message edited by hurtinky at 1:52 PM, July 8th (Monday)]


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
gogirl
♀ 26870
Member # 26870
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had pretty good results with OLD.


It's never too late to live happily ever after.


Posts: 572 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: North
justabrokendream
♀ 3075
Member # 3075
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what hurt said - not interested anymore in the games, the guys looking for someone to take care of them... It's funny because I've heard so much about "golddiggers" when referring to women, but believe me I've met my share of men who evidently thought that because I had my own place and made a good living - I was "ripe for the pickins."

Posts: 306 | Registered: Jan 2004 | From: CA
hurtinky
♀ 26152
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually had two men point blank tell me they "needed" a woman to help with their budget and raising their kids.

I never once went out with a man who I felt had his financial house in order.

I also met a lot of liars. They would lie about smoking, living situation, jobs. It was crazy. Funny thing is, they didn't seem to feel that they were liars. But a person who says one thing on his profile (lives alone) and then tells you he has a roommate who just happens to be his ex (yeah right) girlfriend, and btw, don't call except the weekends when she is working...that's a liar. But they seem to feel that it's ok to lie on a profile as long as you 'fess up on the first meeting.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, I like being unattached. I've found most men my age and older to be unreasonable, racist, homophobic, and just generally cantankerous. I'm not interested in complaining and whining about Obama day in and day out. And, I really can't see myself spending time with someone who, strangely, has no contact with his children. That just about describes the caliber of men I've met. Hee Haw. Where's my knitting?


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Too_Trusting
♀ 99
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had a lot of the same experiences others have posted. Liars, financially insolvent, etc. I had one that STOLE from me.

The last guy I dated died suddenly from an aortic dissection. After his death, a lot of skeletons tumbled out of his closet. Like - probably was seeing his ex-W the ENTIRE time we were together. Oh, and BTW, she wasn't really his EXW - they never divorced! Oh, and yes, he "borrowed" $$ supposedly to pay his past-due HOA fees, and they never got paid and I never got paid back.

After that, I gave up on dating. That was 6.5 years ago, and I found that I'm perfectly content without dating or any kind of relationship. Honestly, I'm HAPPIER without a relationship. I do what I want, when I want, and answer to no one. I enjoy my life and I have my own routine established. I have good friends, hobbies, and a demanding career.

In short - I'm DONE with dating. Can't see myself EVER getting involved again. But that's just me...


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2491 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
Hope4TheFuture
♀ 25382
Member # 25382
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's my take on it

http://easton.patch.com/groups/pamela-porters-blog/p/bp--dating-over-50

Hope4


Posts: 607 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: in the void
KVille
♀ 29071
Member # 29071
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally agree with Hurt.
I would want an equal and this is not going to happen.
After my father died at 72 a couple men asked my mother out on a date. When she would not go out I asked her do you want to be alone? She said "Men this age just need a woman to nurse them" . Smart woman.


never ever getting back together

Posts: 167 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: North Carolina
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Believe me; seeing pictures of the OLD guy and his dog is no guarantee of normality. The Cheesy Nut Man had pics of him and his dog. I thought that was a positive. Sheesh.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20432 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
NaiveAgain
♀ 20849
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I won't do the OLD stuff; I don't like the impersonal feel of it.

Turning 51 in August, and I haven't had a problem finding a date but finding one I want to keep has taken a while. There is a different set of issues to deal with at this age, but there are issues with guys at EVERY age.

Many of the men in this age bracket seem to me to be more likely to want to settle down fairly quickly because they have been in a serious relationship before and they miss it. But they may have health issues or other issues to work thru (who doesn't?)

There are players in every age bracket and every sex. You avoid those by getting to know someone first before you start getting physical with them. If the person knows you are going to wait a while, if they are a player, they will generally lose interest before they get what they want.

Right now, I just celebrated my six month anniversary with my new boyfriend. We were good friends for a year before I started dating him. I had friend-zoned him because he is 20 years younger than me. We are very happy right now but we do have things to work thru...

If you haven't dated in 30 years, my advice is to take good care of yourself, fix yourself up, and then have fun for a while. Date around. Just for fun. Get to know what is out there. Meet new people. Have fun. Have fun. Have fun! (It is supposed to be fun.) The by-product of dating for fun is that you will draw more people to you because you are having fun, and everyone wants to be with someone that knows how to have fun....


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15391 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
moonview
♀ 37203
Member # 37203
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was 58 (now almost 62) and divorced for 2 years (had a 24 yr marriage) when a friend suggested OLD.

Frankly, life was good and I was so relieved to be in a drama free zone I initially balked at introducing potential "complications".

The cost of EH floored me (locked in for 3 months). I called them and joked with the woman and said "at the age of 58 I could be dead in 3 months!". She replied, "for you, $20!"

I am "old fashioned" and not really into OLD so I did not do the contacting and waited for guys to contact me.

Thank goodness for Google! I verified the first guy was a very high ranking official in the US govt with ties to former presidents and popular sports heroes. Fascinating dinner but no "chemistry".

Guy number 2 is a PhD chemist, and speaking of chemistry...oh yeah.

AND he lives 10 minutes away!

3 years later we are now engaged and I realize what a truly healthy relationship looks like.

Sometimes it's pure luck!

(I am not really a "new member" (long story). This site was a God-send when I discovered my now XH was a philanderer).

[This message edited by moonview at 7:54 AM, July 8th (Monday)]


"Barn's burnt down… now I can see the moon."
(Masahide, Japanese poet, 1657? – 1723)


Posts: 15 | Registered: Oct 2012
cleo
♀ 9000
Member # 9000
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the input everyone. I am not ready yet to date, but have been wondering about it.

Hope4 - that link is hilarious!


BS(me)54
WS(him)52 - diagnosed SA in 2011
2011 - Disclosed 14 affairs beginning 1 year after our marriage in 1986
Filed for divorce 11/2012
Divorce final 6/2013

Posts: 753 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Texas
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay...so I'm not 50 yet...but I think OLD all comes down to being super choosey and picky. I weed out the scaries with lots of conversation... emails...phone calls... and try to avoid the ones that just want to text without actually talking. Then, if they pass all of that, then we try a date! Needless to say...I've only been on one OLD date! haha! BUT....it was FABULOUS! And, I hope to see him again!

Don't give up completely on the process....I believe there are good ones out there....but like a needle in a haystack...it just takes time to find the one that is a good match for you... just be careful weeding through the hay... lots of pricks in there!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
meaniemouse
♀ 10798
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I divorced at 49 and waited two years to date. I swore I would never do OLD but the reality is that it's difficult to mean people in real life. Over the last 5 years I've done it off and on; I met some really nice men and have been able to do some fun things. I've not had a bad or weird experience and even had one LTR which didn't work out. Although I've been on many dates with a lot of different men I have yet to find one that really did anything for me. The one LTR I did have was basically a case of me "settling" for someone who was actually nice to me and treated me well which was a complete 180 from my marriage. At the time I thought it might be enough to build a real relationship but that was pretty stupid on my part and I learned my lesson.

I really enjoy my freedom and the ability to do what I want when I want it because after taking care of children and my widowed father I definitely needed some "me" time. I can't imagine giving that up for a relationship which is why I'm sure none of the perfectly fine men that I've met has really appealed to me or has made me want to change my mind about that. I do wish I had someone to do things with, especially on the weekends but I keep pretty busy with my friends, my job and my other interests.

I do feel, as others have said, that men in their 50s are often looking for women in their 40s or younger, and most don't have any trouble attracting women of that age. Sometimes I also get the impression that some men think they are doing you a BIG favor by even contacting you. At almost 57 I find that a lot of 64/65 year olds contact me in OLD and that just seems too old to me. And since I really won't consider dating anyone much younger than me, it kind of leaves me in the "no-woman's land" of dating. It kind of sucks but there are a lot worse things that could be happening so overall I'm pretty content where I am. And I'm still goofy enough to believe that if it's supposed to happen to me, it will.

[This message edited by meaniemouse at 1:13 PM, July 8th (Monday)]


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2140 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
UndecidedinMA
♀ 33732
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did OLD and had great success, I wasn't over 50 but darn close to it.

You just gotta trust your instincts, which I think as you age get sharper. I know I could tell the BS'ers real quick.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely older men contact me. I'm 42, mostly men 50+ are the ones emailing me. I clearly say I'm not interested in over 47, probably not even over 45...but it doesn't stop them at all. (Case in point...just received an email from a 49 year old as I'm typing this!) The issue is, I'm not attracted to them. I look younger than my age, and I tend to date my age or younger. Both ex and fSO are 2/3 years younger than I am.

So, I am assuming the men my age are contacting the women younger than me. Most of the profiles list they are looking for younger women. I pay more attention to the profiles that list they will date women younger AND older than they are. That means they aren't so seriously hung up on looks. Plus, to me, if you are dating someone with a 10 year age difference, (in my case, I had kids "late"...mid 30's), there is a lifestyle difference. A 50 year old guy sometimes already has grandchildren...both my kids are still in elementary school.

Doesn't stop them from trying. Most will even say, "I know I'm out of your age range, but...."

[This message edited by cmego at 12:39 PM, July 8th (Monday)]


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4215 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
InnerLight
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 52 and I had to do OLD to meet people as I live in a rural area and my profession is almost all women.

I hired a dating coach to help me navigate as it had been 20+ years for me and I was never good at dating when I was young. I learned a lot about myself doing OLD with good guidance. I met many nice men, some oddballs, and have been with SO for 3 years now.


BS, now age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years M and 20 together. In some ways I have not 'gotten over it'. But I am resilient and have created a good life where I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5895 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
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