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Lost my sense of belonging

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Butterfly7904 posted 7/7/2013 23:05 PM

This is hard for me to explain but I can't get over the feeling that I am replaceable. The minute I found out about his affair and how he told her and sent pics of our personal belongings, vacation home, vehicles, daughters ect... I felt like none of it was mine anymore. I don't want to do the things I used to take pride in like yard work, house work, decorating etc.. Because I feel like I did all those things and he wanted to share it with someone else. I guess because I am a stay at home mom and he told her all those things were HIS. I feel like nothing is mine anymore. Like any second I will lose everything we have worked so hard to build together, I am scared to enjoy it again. We are in R and he is truly remorseful and we are in MC but I can't get over the feeling that I am so easily replaceable. I can't believe how after 12 years of building a family and company together, our dream home, our vacation home, he met a girl in a Vegas bar for two hours,slept with her and wanted to risk it all. He knew nothing about her, she lived 3000mi away and yet he bragged to her about "his" possessions as if my girls and I didn't even exist. Like it was all his and I wasn't a part of any of it. Hope this makes sense.

GSmom posted 7/7/2013 23:49 PM

Yes, it does make perfect sense. Especially to find out that when he 'bragged' about these things that you had a great part in developing and making them happen, he is taking all the credit. I think this is a part of how some WSs may need to build themselves up, because for whatever reasons they truly don't feel that they are successful/accomplished/admirable. To me, it goes hand in hand with the reason for many affairs, that being that the WS is trying to find ways to feel good.

I found out just recently that my H had told the OW that 'he' gave our daughter money for graduate school etc., as though he and he alone gifted DD with this when in actuality it was money that I made doing some consulting work that enabled us to be able to help DD with that expense. Made me grind my teeth!

That all said, I hope that you can reclaim your pride in what you have done and accomplished and not let his boorish comments to others affect your sense of success and feelings of pride.

standinghere posted 7/8/2013 02:49 AM

It makes perfect sense.

Affairs involve a lot of pumping yourself and the other person up, bragging, complimenting, etc. All to cover up the terrible self esteem issues.

They also involve not mentioning the spouse much, particularly in any positive light, it dampens the mood by allowing reality to intrude.

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