Sent from my iPadMy husband & I have been together for 13.5 years. Married 3.5.
This last Fathers Day my husband & I celebrated by ourselves. I made him a beautiful card, handwritten, telling him what a great father I knew he was, giving examples. I made us a beautiful steak dinner over the pit, keeping the fire going, cranked up the 70's music & had a very nice dinner outside at the picnic table. The next day we took a road trip & had a very enjoyable day together.
The following weekend we were invited to 2 BBQ's by his sons as a belated Fathers Day celebration.
The first was wonderful after having strained feelings.
The second BBQ was with #2 stepson & his longtime GF. We were invited, along with the GF, A's father & unbeknownst to me, the kids' mother, R.
R hates my & my husbands guts, barely being civil at previous graduations, weddings etc. She talks to me because I force her. She refuses to talk to my husband & evidently bad mouths him at every turn, even though she was the unfaithful one, wanting a divorce over 25 years ago, I might add.
The first hour, I was outside with my husband & stepson. R & A stayed in the house. I don't know what they were doing. It wasn't cleaning.
We then all went inside to eat. The kids are young, their house is dirty, whatever, they are kids. We all sat wherever to eat. My husband & I sat in the living room together. Twice during this hour of the evening, I was in close proximity to R. A disastrous & uncomfortable conversation about nothing was one instance. (She is odd) the second time I was sitting next to her on the couch & she is eye f$cking my wedding ring & diamond bracelet. I withdrew my hand. I felt really icky about her doing that.
At one point I started talking to #3 son about photography I had done w STEP grandchildren. (their emphasis, not mine) I could feel the hatred in the air coming from R. I will say I kind of rubbed it in. How dare she act as though grandkids can only love one person.
After this, my husband is sitting on the front couch, R gets up to search for a movie which the 6 shelves of movies is a few feet from where my husband is sitting. I was in conversation with A on a couch directly behind my husband & I notice out of the corner of my eye, that R is putting a lot of body language into, now cleaning the movie shelf. Hmmm. My convo with A dropped off. I noticed my husband is not watching, he is talking to his son. (it's crowded) I watched R for a few minutes, then I got up, openly laughed (for myself, no one noticed) & went out to the car. It isn't the first time R has pulled something. She does SOMETHING every time. When I stood up, I was irritated because women who play games like that piss me off but at that time I felt confident enough in my marriage. I thought, should I stay & see how his plays out? I thought "eff her, efff him if he watches, eff them both."
I went out to our car for at least 45 minutes entertaining myself on my iPad. (Thank you Jesus) When I went back in, no one had moved except for now my husband is eye f$cking R while she is cleaning the movie shelf. I told my husband "let's go" No problem-we left.
I didn't mention what I saw on the way home but I did ask my husband WHY would R come to a Fathers Day dinner when she hates your guts? He doesn't know but he didn't know she was going to be there. I believe that part.
The following week I knew stepson #2 & his wife/children were coming up. I knew my husband knew, yet he hadn't said anything. Hmmm. Sirens are going off. Friday night was the last night my husband had to tell me son was up. I purposely did not talk with him about work or anything else, to GIVE him the opportunity & he did not.
Saturday morning, my husband SPRINGS out of bed @ 10:30, he usually sleeps until 1, he works late. He scrambles around, I said nothing even though I understood what I was watching. 15 minutes he is getting dressed etc. LOTS of cologne. Then my husband announces "#2 son "dropped" in last night. Gonna run visit before I go to work, I'll go to work from there."
Even though I was seething, I knew he had manipulated this sitch, I said, "When you get in maybe we can discuss why you lied to me about #2 sons visit." He didn't have time to answer he had to go.
I noticed, before I blew his lie up, he was happy. I have told him, he laughs w a genuine laugh when he talks to R in the past. He doesn't have the same laugh w me. He was so happy of heart.
I ask him the next day if "R" was there & if he had gone to work. No she wasn't & yes he had. I think those things are true. It is OBVIOUS to me he thought there was a chance R would be there.
My husband is Hispanic & was raised Catholic. His marriage of 18 years were his everything. 4 boys, all born at home, the brothers cutting the embilicle cord as each brother was born. R for whatever reason, cheated and insisted on a quick divorce leaving my husband clueless & broken. 13+ years later, I enter the picture. I have always respected my husbands "first love", his upbringing etc. My husband, when we would be with the kids, (they were older teens) he would tell the boys "take care of your mom etc" I never had a problem with it & respected it.
NOW I have told my husband how dare he take something good I offered him & turn it into sh*t.
My girlfriend says "you don't want to get a divorce over an eye f$ck" No, I don't want to divorce at all but I am no longer secure in my marriage.
I confronted my husband about being secretive about son #2 coming up & he lied. Lied through his teeth. Even making up a conversation he says we had.
I then confronted him about watching R & exaggerated body language for 45 minutes. He lied. I expected that but all of the other things he said say he is guilty as sin.
One if his brilliant responses was "do you think I would do something like that this late in the game?" Game? What f$cking GAME are you talking about? I have always known he had a "soft spot" I thought a MATERNAL feeling towards the ex. She is not very bright. I've always felt kind of bad for her.
I give you my word she looks like an old version of the wicked witch of the west. It isn't about looks. I'm an attractive woman, I take care of myself. She is 5 years older than me
& haggard looking. It's not about looks.
I told my husband, there is something about R that does something for him, which I can not. I don't take it personally & never have. I DID feel loved & secure in my marriage. Now? No.
I think what happened is R coming to Fathers Day dinner & all the body language got my husbands hopes up. After all these years she came to her senses & wanted back the family they had.
I came to that conclusion after confronting my husband about going to meet the kids & not leaving ANY opportunity to go with him. He had had lengthy text messages with #2 son about when they would be here & the plans they made to ride motorcycles together.
He says I forgot. No I didn't because I had been waiting a week to see if he would mention it.
He called me crazy. Blah blah blah. ALL of the things cheaters say, he said it. He just doesn't realize it. It has been solely his response to my questions which bring me to the conclusion, I have wasted my time. I'm 55 & I am not about wasting my time.
I think I nipped a full blown affair in the bud but that's NOT what I signed up for. I told my husband I feel as though he views me as a side piece and I am NOT someone's side piece.
He thinks this is all going to blow away. It's not. He also took an additional day off during the blow out & didn't tell me until late night the night before. I think he was still trying to hedge his bets.
I am 180 as best I can. We just bought a house with my daughter & son in law last year. I won't do anything to jeopardize their property. I need to find employment which is trickier with my health but I am determined.
He won't come clean to anything. He has an answer for everything but they aren't answers. Kwim? Calling me crazy because he lied is a big ass deal to me.
Relationships are give & take & we have been through a lot in 13.5 years. He has been %100 in before but has not been for awhile. By awhile I probably mean a few years. I know I will cry when I think about it so I will wait a bit.
I'm strong & determined but I hurt & feel the wounds. I am so pissed off at him. He held me two nights in a row & he hasn't done that in 5 years.
I know this seems small in comparison to other stories, do I sound petty? No. I know what I saw, and what I saw was he left me to go to what he must have thought would be her. A gathering of all the family in celebration of #2 son visit. I'm still stunned to tell you the truth. He had cleaned the car, cologned up, lied & ran out the door. And he is STILL lying.
[This message edited by Duffy1958 at 2:36 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]