I has taken me a long time to get my credit rating back up so that I can buy him out and refinance. We met last night, and he is insisting on a monetary payment of 1/2 of the equity less the 1/2 of the marital debt on the date of separation. He will not give me any credit for the mortgage payments, repairs, or upkeep on the house.
I know that I can get more if I litigate the D, but I don't really want to go through that again, and I don't want to pay attorneys' fees. I am not really surprised that he thinks he is entitled to $ even after his affairs. He still won't admit the affairs, won't tell the kids where he lives, etc. He is broken and selfish.
Just venting, I guess. We will see what happens after we get an appraisal and meet again to talk about the split. Ugh.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ― Pema Chödrön
You really do need to consult an attorney to determine your options. You can probably just file the way you want and let it go until the divorce becomes final. Please do check it out; I would not acquiesce to his desires.
I don't really want to go through that again
The thing to consider is that if you give into this, then he knows he can keep pushing for more. He knows he'll wear you down, so stand your ground now and show him otherwise.
I'd do out a spread sheet and total the figures taken, spent, etc. toward marital bills, debt, mortgage (is his name on it - has he claim any of the payments on taxes?), cost of insurance, etc. See the real numbers in black and white... then decide what to do or give with actual figures to back you up.
The only other thing that concerns me is that if you were the bread winner - is it possible that he could go for support too? Not sure where you are - and that would make the difference...
I understand wanting to be done with it. I also understand weighing what you are fighting for vs. the cost financially to L's and court costs and emotional costs as well.
Your children are older and CS won't be an issue for much longer. Did you file your S, or ever file for CS, or even temporary support? If so, then support would be back dated to that point.
If you have never filed an order for him to pay CS, what he has paid, and what you have accepted from him with regards to paying off the vehicle and health insurance may be viewed as negotiated support by you.
You also say he is accepting half the debt at the date of S, which eliminates you from responsibility of the debt he ran up post S, am I reading that right? Also, he accepts the date of the S for figuring debt, then does he accept the date of the S for the date of the equity on the house? That should allow you to take the amount paid into the house since the date of S (perhaps not the taxes and interest, but the amount towards the principle for sure?)
I think only you can decide if the benefit (how many thousands does it take) makes it worth the fight... which costs how much??
Someday it will be over.
We are in Virginia, which bars spousal support to a party guilty of adultery. He still won't admit the adultery or even that he lives with OW, but he does and hopefully my old proof from the PI will be enough on that.
I filed for CS and then agreed to accept the amount he has paid towards DD's car payment, splitting gas for DS, and splitting both kids' car repairs. If he had to pay me CS, with the difference in incomes and the credit he gets for paying their health insurance, it would be a very small amount, and hopefully I break even with the agreement we have now.
I plan on making a spread sheet, etc. However, during our discussion last night, he balked at the concept of giving me any credit for the almost 3 and 1/2 years of paying all mortgage payments, repairs, etc. I feel that I protected his investment, and gave his children the ability to stay in a home that they knew and loved. I think a court will give me some monetary credit for that debt service, but I just have to see whether the attorney fees are worth it.
We are getting an appraisal, and maybe with time he will rethink his demands and be reasonable. I do not want to cave to his demands, but I do not want to pay lawyers $20,000 just to pay him $10,000 instead of $15,000.
Editng to add - At least as of last night, he is not agreeing to repay all that he put on the credit card post S, or to repay the $ he took in excess of the amount of his paychecks deposited into the account post S. He says "I always took more than I earned, because you made more." I calmly explained that, after the date of separation, he was not entitled to do that anymore. He is such an asshat.
Again - UGH!
[This message edited by stillinshockx2 at 4:23 PM, July 8th (Monday)]
The law is, in any place that I know of from listening to everyone on here, that no, his claim to the equity in the house ended the day of S. So since he has paid nothing for 3 years his claim on equity ended 3 years ago. You go with the appraisal from 3 years ago.
He ran up debt after S? His problem, not yours. Law.
You don't know you will have to litigate. Honestly? Doesn't sound like he has the cash to litigate against you. Just go to a L, with all your info, and have it all written up legally. Have him served with it, and see what happens. He will grumble...but I'm betting he will just think if he threatens, you will back down, and he will get to keep it all. When he realizes you aren't backing down, he will.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009. EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
I could either be divorced with more stuff, or divorced with less stuff. Either was, I was going to be divorced, but having the stuff is way more fun than not.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 2:52 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
Calculate what you think is fair, document it and say take it or leave it. In his position, with the smell of money so close, why would he fight for more just to pay it to lawyers anyway.
[This message edited by Twitchy at 1:16 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]
Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins. If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot
The market was in the dumps 3 years ago....too bad for him.
Additionally, you subtract 3% for realtor fees. Doesn't matter if you sell it today or 10 years from now, it is a loss that each party has to share.
Divorced!
~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown
