SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm in Maryland and they require a one year separation.

I really don't think I can get around it, but, if anyone has had luck with divorce in another country (I think Guam does them and Dominican Republic), I would love to know.

I'm sure I'm just dreaming, because we have many assets and dividing everything is going to be a nightmare.

Not to mention neither one of us can afford to buy out the other...we'll have to sell it all.

It makes me physically sick, but I have to start thinking about it.

Thanks

If you have many assets that will require a complicated division process, that situation usually precludes a quickie divorce.

My advice, having been there, is to proceed carefully and deliberately with the property division. Everything is on the table if the two of you are hashing out the division together, and anything can be used as a bargaining chip.

Gather advice from at least one good attorney on your side and think through all the consequences of your proposed division. The acquisition of various assets has different tax consequences, depending on the type of asset, and you need to be able to plan ahead.

Be careful and take your time. You're going to have to live with the property settlement agreement a long, long time.

[This message edited by josie11 at 5:42 PM, July 8th (Monday)]

Sadly, I knew the answer to the question before I asked it....

For now, I'm just postponing the inevitable....he doesn't have the spine to make a move to start the process...I would have to do it all...and I have other options at the moment.

Thinking of slicing and dicing our financial entanglements makes me physically sick.

Like Scarlet O'Hara, I'll think about it tomorrow.

Not to mention neither one of us can afford to buy out the other...we'll have to sell it all.

Depending on what kind of assets you own, you may not necessarily have to sell anything. We didn't.

Retirement funds, brokerage accounts, bank accounts can all be divvied up according to any kind of ratio you agree upon. One person may be 68%, the other 32%, depending on the earning power and work history of the two spouses.

Securities can be journaled from one account to another without being sold. However, there are issues of basis and tax liability to be considered.

You should consult a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst.

The following article contains valuable information about how assets get divided in divorce:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/jefflanders/2011/04/12/understanding-how-assets-get-divided-in-divorce/2/

Like Scarlet O'Hara, I'll think about it tomorrow.

The more information you have, the better. One important thing to do immediately would be to assemble a complete set of financial documents for your own future use: tax returns, brokerage statements, balance sheets, 401k documents, stock options or grants. Make copies of everything and keep your files somewhere safe (in a family member's home, for example).

Good luck. I felt somewhat as you do, but I did what I had to do. I didn't want to end up sleeping in a doorway downtown on a piece of cardboard, begging for spare change during the day.

I see women about my age who are pushing all their possessions around in a shopping cart. Fear is a great motivating factor.

[This message edited by josie11 at 1:00 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

Maryland is 50/50 unless agreed otherwise. And the court process is SLOW. OW/wifetress go a quicky div because she didn't contest anything and there were no assets to divide. (she walked away from her debt, but then didn't claim any equity in house). And then they lied about sep date, so her ex just filed, she didn't respond, and then he showed up in court a couple of months later.

The speed of your div will entirely depend on your ability to negotiate w your STBX. You could make a first draft, see what he says, etc. Then I would spend the money to go to a mediator to have a doc that will stand up to MD court put together based on your predone agreement. The more you have decided, the less time = less money. A good mediator will make sure all things are covered and will hopefully work w both of you. It is up to you to have the doc reviewed afterwards by a lawyer to see if it is in your best interest. After going to court in MD (AA Co to be specific) I would say ANYTHING decided out of court would be better than what a judge could come up with.