SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

On sunday we were diving together with some friends. We were having a great weekend. LH gave me a hug in a surface intervals between dives on Sunday and then as we were hugging he just said "I forgive you".
Just like that. Out of the blue...Huh? I replied a little taken aback.
"I forgive you for having a A".
"Really? Honestly?"
"Yes. I'm tired of being angry. It still hurts a lot that you had an A; but I forgive you."

Wow. I mean WOW.

This is huge. HUGE.

It hasn't really sunk in. I keep expecting things to back track. Not really sure how to feel but so, so grateful.

We've both come a long way, but it wasn't so long ago he still wasn't sure how this was going to pan out...part of me can't help but wonder if he wants to forgive so much he's said it, but might realise one day he actually hasn't. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I just wasn't sure this day would ever come. And certainly not so soon.

He even said he'd renew vows with me one day. Again, wow.

Taking it one day at a time...

I love seeing marriages continue to recover! Gives me a happy feeling to read posts like these.

I am glad for you guys.

Love this OKM. Love it.

Awesome!!!

I''m so happy for the two of you!

Super cool!

So happy for you.

As a BS, I can say that while your husband has "chosen" to forgive you, it will clearly be some time before he is truly past the A. He will likely go through cycles of feeling okay about it, not thinking about it much, to being unable to stop thinking about it and getting angry and/or sad.

There have been times I have brought something up about the A and to my husband, he saw this as a sign that I had not truly forgiven him. But that wasn't true at all. I chose to forgive him, but that doesn't mean my wounds aren't still gaping and that I'm not wrestling with "how could he do this to me"?

The fact that your husband chose to forgive you is, indeed, a huge step. He is, at the very least, in the early stages of truly forgiving and working through what it means to forgive. Sometimes we just have to choose to act on something we are having a hard time completely feeling just yet. Same with love. Sometimes we choose to show acts of love to someone we are having a really hard time "feeling" love for, whether a spouse, or an in-law or anyone in our lives. And the more we follow through with these acts of love, the feelings of love tend to follow. I think it can be similar with forgiveness. We choose to say the words "I forgive you", and may not even know if we really, truly feel whatever it means to feel like we've totally forgiven someone. I hope that makes sense!

Anyway, just thought I'd offer my two bits as a BS who has had to forgive not once but twice (same A, continued after it was supposedly ended). The second time around was a lot harder, believe me.

This is wonderful to hear.
(((OM & LH)))

Thanks guys.
Patchy - I understand and think that it would be most abnormal not to continue to cycle up and down.

And you know what I really felt like him saying it was a release for him rather than something for me; but it sure was good to hear.

Regardless, we keep moving on...keep working, it's just good to know where he is.

Awesome story! Keep up the good work!

So nice to hear!

I remember that. I'm so happy for you!

I am so happy to see this. I don't post much, but I look for anything written by you or LH as we share the same d-day. I was so sorry to read about the loss of your cat. I would be devastated to lose my Hercules (my 100 pound lap dog ) right now. But it was heart warming that is was such a bonding moment for the two of you.