I want to post a conversation between the couples therapist and me. Reason is because is hard to believe what I posted about her support with the infidelity
Good afternoon Dr psychologist
Hi. Hope everything is ok with you. I was thinking about you for weeks now. I have tried to make time to see you,with or without Husband. I was specially thinking about our sessions today as a matter of reflection. Also read some of our conversations over email in an effort to remember your advices.
I am trying really hard to move on with my life since the infidelity. I went to dr Physician as you saw as an option for prescription meds. I am presently taking added meds tommy daily intake. Also increase dosage of antidepressants. It feels sweet and sour, though because I feel medicated now. And more than ever looking for solutions and answers to get my life more bearable to live.
I have an appointment coming up for couples April 23 with you. I know that in part you have been booked, but in part it is me that has put up seeing you. I make up for excuses and in part is the driving distance from my work. But in part is other reasons.
Which brings me for the reason why I am writing this letter. Once a therapist I met told me that if I ever leave a therapist for another one, to at least seek closure withtheformer one discussing or disclosing why you left therapy. I don't want to leave therapy with you. But the trauma of my affairis such that I blame myself and you, a little. Sorry for my honesty. But I feel that if I would've been counseled that the consequences or the risk outweighed the benefit of trying something new with someone of the opposites sex maybe things would be different.
You said that you did it because I beat myself up a lot. But in a catholic marriage you do have to beat yourself up with fidelity. Or any other marriage.
I don't know if a therapist gives neutral counseling or if he or she brings her own beliefs and thoughts to the table when counseling.
Please don't take this the wrong way, I am just taking the advice I received in years ago.
I still want your counsel.
But I have not been following your latest advice to finish conversations with this gentleman. I have kept with me your positive thinking and advice from the beginning sessions when we both were exploring and evaluating his behavior towards me. But it hurts too much to apply the latter one which were much more negative, that he abused me, mislead me, manipulated me.
If feels like the seed planted at the beginning of positive thinking refuses to die. Really
I feel I love this man, more than my husband. I love him. It feels like that to me.
I hope all is well. I apologize in the delay in responding to your email. I appreciate your honesty, and of course, welcome your sharing your feelings with me through email.
First, I want to address the issue of following the lead that I provide. It is not my intention to give you advice, but rather to reflect what I observe in you and to provide that feedback. So, it is not necessary to feel upset, guilty, or any other feeling if you feel that you haven't followed my "advice." Know that I am here to support you, not to shame you, and to help you make the best decision for yourself. If you are feeling things in response to your own actions, of course I'm more than happy to process those reactions with you. I look forward to our session where we can freely talk about your thoughts and feelings about where you would like to go from here. Until then, I welcome your emails since I believe it to be a good opportunity for you to share and process your feelings.
"You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere." Buddhist Saying