I am not stupid enough to let a career opportunity pass me by, so I will certainly be going. My husband, due to his contract work, will not be able to join me.
I am now freaking out inside. I know it's stupid. My husband works from home a lot (whereas I am an office worker) so if he wants to, he could cheat all he wants now from 9 am to 6 pm without me knowing. So I cannot control him, right? If he wants to cheat, he will cheat, whether I am in town or not.
I just need someone to hit me over the head and say, no, you should go on the trip, and no, I cannot be co-dependent and try to control him, and no, if he wants to cheat, he will cheat no matter where I am.
Thank you very much to anyone out there who is listening. I feel stupid for feeling like this after 6 years when my husband has not cheated again during that time.
Love to you all,
GO ON THE TRIP.
This is just a trigger. You have been working on your marriage successfully for a long time. You're exactly right that had he wanted to continue in destructive behaviors, he could have done that without you going out of town.
Sometimes the normal mundane schedule of day to day only gives you the same things to think about. Doing something new can be both anxious, but exciting. Let it be exciting! Let it be an adventure.
Don't beat yourself up for triggering. Just see it for what it is and take advantage of the opportunity.
I'm so sorry you even have to go through this but 30 years later, I still do too from time to time.
In the end, I just accepted that I can't control FWW, now known to me as W, and she's going to do what she's going to do. I don't think she's screwed around for a long, long time, but sometimes I still trigger. Lately I've gotten some anger flashes for no good reason, just out of the freakin' blue.
Like they say, A's are life changing events, whether you stay or go. I stayed, and really glad I did almost all the time. Those others times are just part of baggage.
GO ON THE TRIP