Topic: Has your closest friend grown weary?
Member # 38384
| Posted: 9:35 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013|
I think my bf no longer wants to hear of my struggles even tho she asked me several months ago to please let her know when I was struggling. And I do share the good stuff too and I am conscious about asking her about her life.
In any event she said something tonight like "well, it is time to move forward" and that she has spent a lot of time/energy on this.
I know she has. I know she was hurt by H behavior and she was hurt FOR me. She would like for all of us to be like we were again at some point but right now that is not possible and I get that this summer is not the time
Just feeling a little lost where she is concerned and wondering if your woes got to be too much for your bf?
[This message edited by LA44 at 9:35 PM, July 8th (Monday)]
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
Posts: 3421 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Member # 16482
| Posted: 10:00 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013|
Yes I went through that. I hid my feelings to preserve "friendships" because I do understand that only those who have been through it understand. Eventually I did move on, but there are still times...
That's what SI is for.
I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Member # 28564
| Posted: 10:04 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013|
How frustrating. I understand where your friend is coming from but she should not of told you to rely on her during struggles if she was not fully prepared to take that on.
Do you have anyone else you can rely on during the rough times?
How about explaining or giving her information on the timeline of recovering from an A. That way she understands a little more why you have not moved on.
Married-14 years together 15
Kids 4: 17, 14, 10, and 5
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
Posts: 902 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
Member # 30862
| Posted: 10:08 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013|
Yes, this sounds like normal behavior unfortunately. While my bf just went through a divorce, in some ways it seemed that she thrived to hear about what was going on with me and at other times it seemed that she would cut me off.
Post here if you feel like you need to give them a break. That is what I do...until she decides she wants to hear about it again.
What we are going through is difficult to say the least. In many ways, it is consuming and draining, physically, mentally and emotionally. It is therapeutic to be able to get it all off of your chest.
But when they don't truly understand what you are going through, they just can't sympathize. She is right in what she is saying, move forward, but that is truly a work in progress. It takes time, therapy, healing, love, prayer and talking.
We understand where you are here. We are here for you.
Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 36401
| Posted: 10:10 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013|
Yes. I pretty much lost everyone I talk to. I did not talk about the EA much, but there were times I really needed someone to talk to and they would change the subject before i even got a full sentence out. I think it has to do with the fact that my WH didn't actually "Cheat" in their eyes. I mean it was just a little porn ring.
Posts: 283 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 34827
| Posted: 10:43 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013|
Yes...I don't discuss too much anymore with bf..seems she gets annoyed by my failure to launch. Hell I see why, I annoy myself.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Posts: 5729 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 38207
| Posted: 10:53 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013|
I notice that I feel like she is getting weary, because I feel guilty about dumping so much weight on one person. She has NEVER stopped listening or paying attention. She sometimes initiates the conversations and is quick to reassure me that I am NOT bugging her.
Posts: 1539 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 35846
| Posted: 11:01 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013|
I don't think people get it LA.
If you have never gone down this road you have NO IDEA how truly effing long it is.
We won't tire of it, talk to us.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
We have R'd
Posts: 3991 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 36576
| Posted: 11:26 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013|
Yes. And sadly, it's normal. I went to a conference a couple of years ago where a counselor was speaking. She said that most of the women that she had counseled said that they lost most of their friends. Most people aren't willing to walk with you thru the entirety of it. I think that's why most of us are here.
wtf?? How insane does your life have to get that you want to polygraph your freaking HUSBAND. ~ OldCow18
It's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on and too in love to let go. ~ unknown
Posts: 178 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 30314
| Posted: 6:28 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
my closest friend dumped me when I had an A. I don't blame her really and looking back I realize she was probably a BS and could only take so much.
I have to temper what I say, who i complain to. It's almost as if I have a rotation of friends I confide in so no one gets too much. The only person I could call weekly is my Mom. Most say, isn't it time to make a decision to stay or move forward? All want me to forgive him, people make mistakes, ya know.? So, there's so many who don't know and so many who I just have move forward with the friendship and post here or talk to my husband, and even then I temper about 90% of what I could say.
this is a very lonely journey.
Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 34692
| Posted: 6:58 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
Unfortunately my bf is in the same boat I am. Although neither of us wants to be in this situation, we are thankful (?
) that if we have to go through it, at least we have each other. Neither of us tire of listening to the other, we don't judge each other and we certainly don't expect either of us to rush our healing.
I do talk to my mom and sister, but I thank God that I have my bf to talk to and truly understand how I feel.
I have learned that there are some people I can talk to freely, some I need to limit what I say and others I don't talk to about the A at all. I have also made some wonderful new friendships because of this mess. There is nothing like shared tragedy to bond people together.
I hope you can find someone IRL you can connect with and who will fully support you in your healing in your time.
[This message edited by VeilLifted at 7:03 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)]
Me - BW
Him - FWH
DDay 10-29-11 2 month EA 1 time PA
He had ended it 10-28-11
Broke NC 12-20-11
S 12-21-11 filed D 1-4-12
R started/H moved home 2-8-12
2 wonderul boys 17 & 14(now 20 & 17)
Now we have a beautiful grandson!
Married 19 years(n
Posts: 230 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 36654
| Posted: 7:16 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I think sometimes she does grow weary. She knew my WH#2 a long time before I did and couldn't believe he had an A. Her husband and mine were BF also. They have since quit even talking to each other (not A related), which has made our friendship harder since they live an hour away from us. I also have an aunt who is like my adopted Mom since my own Mom died. She also went through an A with her WH (he is now deceased), so she can relate to alot of my situation, but she kicked her WH out for about 10yrs, but never divorced him and he didn't divorce her and supported her totally for all of their marriage. She finally let him come home, but they were never really husband/wife again. So she can relate to me like noone else I know can, except for my friends on SI. (((HUGS)))
Me-53 XWH#2-54 NPD, alcoholic
M-11yrs T-12yrs LTA-5yrs D-8/11/15
11/28/14 "Assault with a deadly weapon" and is now with OW
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"
Posts: 5681 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 13447
| Posted: 7:16 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I find that this happens a lot. To people who have never been betrayed, they have no idea the depth of the hurt and the issues to work through.
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
Posts: 11644 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 38405
| Posted: 10:29 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
Yes, they have. So now I journal my feelings and speak to someone after not talking to them for a long while. For now it is working.
Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!
Posts: 659 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
|Topic Posts: 14|