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crush3d posted 7/8/2013 22:21 PM

Nearly 6 years of forgiveness and hard work... and what do I get for it? Another kick in the nuts.

My 'gut' has been acting up a lot over the last 6 months, simple incidents that easily brushed aside individually, but the repetition of them and the increasing lack of coincidence was building.

OM's BS messaged me last week with the details of a txt she found on OM's phone that was sent to my (F?)WW.

So here I am at the head of the emotional roller-coaster again. Follow me, folks! Trust me, I'm experienced at this!

Already had the "I'm done" conversation with WW. Got an admission - of sorts. Its all I need at this point. I guess I'll be moving on to the 'New Beginnings' section, now.

Wish me luck!

byHisGrace posted 7/8/2013 22:36 PM

I'm sorry that it's happened again. The first time is hard enough (I'm only 2 months in) but if I found out it happened again I don't think I could handle it. I hope you find peace in whatever you choose to do.

karmahappens posted 7/8/2013 22:56 PM

I am so sorry, that is the most disturbing post!

If a WS doesn't learn by seeing the pain they have put us through during round 1 I couldn't ever go through it again.

Wishing you peace in the days ahead.

5454real posted 7/8/2013 23:25 PM

Sorry brother.

She's broken and not fixing herself.



Jrazz posted 7/8/2013 23:33 PM

Aw hell.

I'm really sorry.


crush3d posted 7/8/2013 23:38 PM

Thanks for the kind words and condolences, all....

I'm still in pseudo-shock, I think. Calm, not really angry, yet relieved - like an invisible burden that I've carried for these past 5 years has been lifted.

Granted... the sadness is a little heavy right now. After all, I still love her. I'm still going to miss her like hell. I just have to keep telling myself that I'll be better off and happier without her. *sigh*

5454real posted 7/8/2013 23:54 PM

Did she ever exhibit remorse? Ever *get it*? I do have to admit curiosity as to what "of sorts" means.

You sound certain. Are you?


crush3d posted 7/9/2013 00:20 AM

There was definitely some remorse and shock on her part. I had installed spyware on her phone a while back and just let it run, never checked it. It was just a backup plan in case something didn't quite feel right.

As it happened, most of the info came from OM's BS, so I never really had to rely on the phone spy info.

During our last conversation, while she was still trying to explain and/or deny everything from the past few months that I was pointing out to her which had set me on edge or didn't feel right, I mentioned the spyware.

I said to her "You saw how devastating it was to me to find the evidence of your last affair (found digital photos of the two of them together), at least have the decency to save me from that all over again. If you tell me not to look at the info gathered from your phone, I won't."

Her sobbing reply was "Don't look... please, don't look..."

That was all I needed to hear.

And no, I still haven't looked - nor do I plan to. Its water under the bridge at this point.

5454real posted 7/9/2013 00:29 AM

Just wow. I rescind my earlier question as to whether you were sure or not. After everything she put you through the first time.

Strength for the journey ahead.

vivere posted 7/9/2013 00:46 AM


You seem quite resolute in your writing - more strength to you. Best of luck for your future, hope it's filled with peace and happiness.

stronger08 posted 7/9/2013 05:13 AM

Sorry Bro. Repeat offenders are the worst.
I think your decision is a good one. Its time for her to face the consequences of her actions. The sex aside, its the blatant lying and disrespect that really gets to you. I gave R a try and after a few months I found evidence of broken NC via a keylogger myself. That was it for me, I was done. I think false R is probably more damaging than the A itself. You give them the gift of R only to have them piss all over you once again. After I left I was informed of other affairs prior to the one I knew about. She had no problem keeping those a secret from me. I'm a firm believer that a BS rarely gets 100% of the truth. Even if you R they keep those secrets in most cases. Its this type of behavior that leaves you no other choice but to file for D. Be prepared for the onslaught of her begging for another chance. And once she realizes that you are done she will turn real nasty. Get your ducks in a row and start preparing for what's going to be a very dark time. Stick to your guns and protect yourself and kids. Your gonna see a side of her that's not so pleasant. Its going to leave you asking yourself "Why the hell did I M this person" Good luck friend.

circlingthedrain posted 7/9/2013 05:55 AM


Sorry to hear you are experiencing and BS's worst fear.

Before you say you are not going to look at the 'backup' of her phone, are you in a fault or no-fault state. If fault, you may be able to utilize them as leverage for a more equitable divorce. Please secure them until you talk with an attorney.

Strength in your journey.

Tred posted 7/9/2013 06:35 AM


Nothing much to add that hasn't been said...just sorry to hear this. I'm with the others that just can't understand how they would betray you the first time, let alone repeat it after they saw the destruction it causes. Strength.

TrustGone posted 7/9/2013 06:50 AM

It is all of our worst fear and I am so sorry that you have been put through 6yrs of False R. The pain that these WS's cause is just unbelieveable to me. It is so hard to believe that they would give up everything for a little bit of ego kibble. Is this the same OM she was seeing before or a totally different A? I was just wondering since you said OM's BS contacted you. Hang in there, the D process is not fun at all and really shows a side of the broken WS that you never knew existed. It's like they can't believe that you are divorcing them and usually do everything they can to cause even more damage to yo than they already have. Be especially careful that she doesn't pull the DV card. My XWH#1 tried that one. I was 5'2" and weighed 110lbs, he was ex-military. He knew it would ruin my career to get a charge against my record so he lied, said I hit him in the face with a piece of asphalt from the driveway, and filed charges. He was actually the one that pushed me down, but since I wasn't really hurt I didn't call the police. Luckily I took a picture when he was leaving which showed his face, with no marks on him. It still cost me $1500 for a lawyer to get the charges dropped. Be sure that you always carry a VAR on you when dealing with her to protect yourself. She may be crying now, but her true colors will show once she gets the papers. (((HUGS)))

crush3d posted 7/9/2013 09:29 AM

One restless night down, many more to go, I'm sure.

TrustGone, thanks for the kind words... I'm not at all concerned about the DV issue. But I am wary of how the D process may change her current outlook and demeanor. Lucky for me, she's working out of town and I'll be setting up the meeting with a common lawyer to draft our separation agreement. I will likely meet with independent counsel myself for a consultation on how to proceed while protecting myself throughout the process, too.

After that, hopefully it remains amicable and we can deal with the division of assets ourselves. If not... then we'll each have to lawyer up at that point.

And you'd asked if this was the same OM... no. Definitely not. It was, however, another coworker she worked with out on the job site. Just like the first time around. The kicker this time is that the OM is a guy I've known and worked with on and off myself - for 15 years!!!!

Needless to say, any rage I experience will be aimed directly at him. And I'm in daily contact with his BW (who recently signed up here) as well, making sure that she has any and all the support and information that she needs from me throughout her own roller coaster ride.

Ugh.... off to work. Stay busy, stay distracted, right?

[This message edited by crush3d at 9:30 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)]

tushnurse posted 7/9/2013 11:02 AM

You know that is the biggest deepest fear that those of us that R have.

Although you seem to be taking it with a solid, quiet resolve. I think I would as well.

((((and strength))))

SoVerySadNow posted 7/9/2013 11:06 AM

You are living my worst fear.
I'm sorry.

nowiknow23 posted 7/9/2013 11:11 AM

((((crush3d)))) I'm so very sorry. Just wanted to let you know the folks down in the D/S forum are great support as you start working through the D process - like a fierce army standing in your corner.

hangingontohope7 posted 7/9/2013 11:15 AM

I'm so sorry.

I am in almost the exact same situation.

I just found out a little over a week ago that my STBXWH is having another affair.

5 years... gone.

Different OW, but a co-worker just like the last time.

Sending you strength.

Faithful w/Love posted 7/9/2013 12:29 PM

Oh my worst fear. I am so so sorry.

Reading responses it seems the ones that have A's with coworkers and never find another job end up reoffending with a different co worker.

That is what I am afraid of as WH works with all women.

My heart aches for you but you sound so strong.

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