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sunflowergirl30 (original poster member #28979) posted at 6:03 AM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013
But most of all I miss not thinking about his cheating. I miss back then, when my thoughts were filled with Dr. Appt. sports practices and what I needed to pick up for dinner. When my head was filled with nothing..well, nothing about cheating or lies and betrayal. I miss being kiss hello. I miss being kissed goodbye. I miss being kissed in general. I miss not being filled with self hate and doubt. I miss being able to enjoy life. I miss being happy inside. I miss feeling content and safe. I hate now. I am filled with hate, suspicion and resentment. I feel like i am trapped in a bad lifetime movie. I just want to yell "fuck you!!" To every person I see. I am afraid sometimes instead of a hi or hello...i will blurt out FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FFFFFUUUUCCCKKK YYYYYOOOUUUUUUUUUU! Sorry 
First D-day May 2010, Last D-day Sept 2015. Filed for divorce Nov. 2015
Divorce final March 4, 2016
To many false R’s to mention. One to many affairs to list. Cheaters suck, suck the life right out of you, as they smile in your face..
Ostrich80 ( member #34827) posted at 7:06 AM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013
I feel the same way. Sometimes I can't remember what is,was like to not be suspicious . I no longer trust my own judgement. Geez I can't even order off of a restaurant menu without 2nd guessing. I'm cranky and irritated. Some days I want to grab him and not let him leave, other days I want to kick him in the balls. I miss normal.
BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????
hurt314 ( member #31042) posted at 7:11 AM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013
Oh I know what you mean. I miss all those things too. It's so hard to feel like a completely different person than you once were.
I miss the sense of normalcy.
Me-W-34
Him 36.
3 little girls.
He ruined our lives. Currently married and trying to make the best life for my children. There is no hope for us but I have hope for them.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 2:52 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 2:58 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013
I miss being held. By anyone. He doesn't hold me. The kids - teenagers - don't hug me. Sometimes when I see my brother in law, I give him an extra long hug. When he looks at me with a question mark, like, "What's wrong?", I just say I was needing a hug.
Recently my 13 year old dog died. She drowned in our pool. It was my fault. She was blind and went outside - on the other side of the house - to pee. I should have watched her every minute.
After it happened, I was curled up in a ball, sobbing for hours. Not one of my boys, or my husband 'held' or hugged me. (I did get a sympathy card...yes...a card...from them the next day.)
I don't know how a person can see someone in such pain and do NOTHING.
Sorry for the t/j, but I was trying to express that I know what you are feeling. Just to be 'back', before all of this was happening.
"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy
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