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dmari posted 7/9/2013 01:48 AM

I've been feeling low ... missing what I thought was a pretty good marriage. Missing a mans physical presence to lean against. Reminding myself of the countless reasons why I am better off without him.

In the midst of this, my DD17 depression is kicking in. It's hard to describe how I feel. I want so badly to make it all better but once she is in that dark place, I can only do so much. I use all the "tools" that I have but it's never enough and this is what breaks me. She is pulling away from her friends and me. I hate this.

She is an Aspiegirl who also deals with severe social phobia, anxiety and OCD. When she spirals downward like this, she takes xanax but today even the xanax is not helping.

I pray that she can sleep soundly tonight and hope that tomorrow is a little better. I will think of something to do with her tomorrow ~ humane society or for her favorite pizza or both.

I know with depression there is only so much I can do but when it is your baby (no matter how old), you just want to do anything and everything to make it better.

Even when stbx was here, I dealt with the kids and their needs by myself so at least handling this is not new but I still feel so alone.

I'm definitely having a Debbie-downer day. Would love to have some respite but that's not possible. Just a small one. Doesn't have to be a day ~ just a few hours. Then I feel guilty for wanting a break. Then I feel so fucking pissed at stbx who just walked away from our children.

Any suggestions on getting through the tough single/only parent times?

ninebark posted 7/9/2013 07:01 AM

Dmari,

I don't have a lot to offer other than I know how hard single parenting can be.

I don't have the heartbreaking issues you have to deal with, but I know as a mom you would move heaven and earth to keep your children happy and healthy.

My ex is only home 1 week each month and in that time he only spends the bare minimum of time with DS, so I do everything.

It can be exausting and frustrating.
((dmari))

I hope today is a better day and for godness sake don't feel guilty about wanting a break, you are human, we all need a break from time to time. I lock myself in the bathroom everynight, soak in a long bath and read. That is my me time, DS knows not to talk to me during that time unless it is an emergency.

I just try to find time here and there while he does his thing. Whether it is read on the deck, watch some tv show.. have a nap..lol.

Gosh I hope things get better for you and DD soon!

homewrecked2011 posted 7/9/2013 10:27 AM

I, too, struggle with my children's low times, as they cycle thru all this just as we do.

Honestly, the only thing that helps our moods is doing something different. BUT you probably know how hard it is to get them in the car to actually do something different. So, on my small budget, I tell them, this weekend we are doing xyz in another city. I tell them they can stay in the motel room (still a change from home,you see), or they can do the activity I have planned. I always start with eating lunch out first (with coupons) so that they are already out of the room. Then we do the activity. In our case, they like frisbee golf, so I've already found a frisbee park in the other town.

Just the being somewhere else with different roads changes it up for us. It is temporary, I know, but for those few hours I get my children back,, if you know what I mean.

((((dmari))))

chikastuff posted 7/9/2013 10:56 AM

What I typically do when I'm feeling down about doing the single parent thing is I take DS and we go and do something fun that doesn't require any real "parenting". So it's just him and I enjoying each other's company one on one. We might go to the playground or for ice cream, but whatever it is I make sure he has my attention 100%.

I know your child is older, but what about going for a mani/pedi together? Just do something fun so you can enjoy each other.

peridot posted 7/9/2013 11:25 AM

Being a single parent is tough. I already felt like a single parent when I was married. The only real adjustment for me was working and taking care of the kids alone. At least after we were divorced I got a little free time.

Now that he is not in the kids life I never get free time. That's been hard because I got used to being able to go out or do something just for me. I got a break every other weekend.

You have to find some way to get time for just yourself. I haven't had to deal with the teen years yet. Will she go out with you and do something? Maybe getting out of the house will do you both some good. Maybe go see a movie.

For me, it's before the kids get up or after they have gone to bed. My kids are still kinda young. I try to get us out of the house as often as I can.

torn2bits posted 7/9/2013 19:19 PM

((((Dmari))) I know its tuff. I have a 17 year old daughter who is on meds for depression and this process makes it worse.

What we do is some of the natural stuff like go for hikes in the woods. One of the 5 stress relievers listed in a recent article is nature...the woods, flowers, camping, botanical gardens, etc. The sun is also great for depression.

As far as alone time, my daughter had a wonderfule break from me when she stayed with grandma for 3 days. She loved it. Don't know if that is an option for you.

dmari posted 7/10/2013 00:56 AM

Thank you for listening! and for the encouraging words and advice! Every single response is so appreciated! It also reassured me that what I'm feeling is normal.

When things are going smoothly with the kids, its so easy for me to feel grateful and humble that they are with me. I need to also be grateful and humble when things are tough too.

Today she is better. Managing mental illness is challenging and I really admire those who do it. I pray that my DD17 (who is practically an "adult") will be able to manage her illness long term.

Again, thank you so much for being there for me! Love you all!

Coraline posted 7/10/2013 02:42 AM

I'm so sorry you guys are having a difficult time.