Welcome to SI.
You said "aside from the obvious." Can you give some examples of what these "obvious" things are?
From what I've read in books and SI, the #1 thing not to say is: "It's been X months/years. Aren't you over this yet?" Never ever say that.
At this stage, just about anything we WSs do or say can upset or trigger our BSs. I hope LonelyHusband doesn't mind if I quote what he had been feeling, before he forgave his WW:
For two years OktoberMest would say "you didn't wash up your breakfast bowl" and I'd think "well fuck you, you had an affair."
You're allowed to say whatever you feel, but in these early months that "well, fuck you" response (silently or verbally) is, I think, pretty common. ETA: And others will give you better advice, but IMO we just shut up, take it, and apologize again. Except if our BSs are overtly abusive, physically or verbally.
[This message edited by 20WrongsVs1 at 7:34 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)]