Topic: who drinks more now?
Member # 30314
| Posted: 6:31 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I drank more after my affair then after his but it's still about one to two cocktails every night now. I keep saying to myself, just feel that pain without using anything that makes you forget. Seems like I can't do it.
Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 38765
| Posted: 7:21 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I went from drinking basically never to every few days in the first weeks after things started up, but then it went to every couple weeks Id have a few and now back to basically never.
You should get some support to make sure it doesnt become an issue or you dont use it in place of dealing directly with your issues. If you arent already in IC, that would be a really good idea if you can. I get wanting a break from the pain, but at the end of the day we all know we cant drink it away forever.
Posts: 304 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 30314
| Posted: 7:36 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I'm in IC and I've told her about it.....
Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 39758
| Posted: 7:37 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
Over the past few weeks since i found out, i find myself drinking more than i know i shoud. But i have always been a happy if not mellow drunk, so i dont worry about doing anything stupid. It has taken my mind off of things in general, but if it comes up or something triggers me its harder after i had a few.
i guess what i mean is that it dosnt really change a thing, but i am using it as a crutch right now.
Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 38207
| Posted: 8:12 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I didn't. I was pregnant when I found out and am now nursing a newborn. I'm pretty sure I would have spiraled toward alcohol dependence if I hadn't been and our healing wouldn't be where it is today.
Posts: 1539 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 36622
| Posted: 8:15 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I haven't had a drink in almost 10 years. But this time last year I came closer than I ever have. I just wanted something to shut my head up but ultimately I knew it wouldn't really help. I'm so glad I didn't.
[This message edited by Chicho at 8:18 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)]
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"
Posts: 2859 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 17686
| Posted: 8:28 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I drank much more after D-day and I had been pretty much alchohol free for a decade or more due to being pregnant or nursing for a LONG time.
It has slowed down to almost a stop now, I rarely drink and when I do it is just one, I do not feel the desire for more like I did. I think that is due to shifts inside my mind from working through things, because it is not a conscious thing, as this thread is what caused me to realize this change. I value my health more now and I will not let the pain/wounds/whatever from the past do more damage to my body (trying to stop the stress damage though is another story, so much is subconscious, but I hope to get there) No one else will look out for me, I have to do it myself and this is one small way in which I am showing myself that I am looking out for me (and this pertains to me, no judgement of those who drink, I have health issues and drinking is very very negative in that respect due to those issues, if I did not have those issues, I may still be drinking, who knows right?).
We have a tendency to think the love offered us is a reflection of our worth and value.But in actuality,it's a reflection of the person that is giving it.We love out of who WE are-not because of who the receiver is.At least in terms of real love.TSMF
Posts: 3583 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: how far the east is from the west
Member # 39588
| Posted: 9:11 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I found out quickly that the couple glasses of wine I enjoy from time to time just turn me into a weepy mess. :(.
Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013
Finally this is R 8/14/13
Filed for divorce 5/8/15
Posts: 326 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 39210
| Posted: 10:37 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
but it's still about one to two cocktails every night now. I keep saying to myself, just feel that pain without using anything that makes you forget. Seems like I can't do it.
Ditto. It used to be something we kinda did together, after the kids went to bed. We'd make a drink and watch a tv show together or talk. Now it's usually two drinks just so I can go to sleep and stay asleep for more than 3 hours. I'm working on trying to replace it with listening to music with headphones in. Having the headphones in quiets my thoughts until I can sleep on some nights.
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'
Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 39375
| Posted: 10:50 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I went on (or rather increased a health kick) so I stayed away except for a couple times with buddies.
And then I started - after about a week of drinking whenever, I realized I was subject to this becoming a problem so I have made a decision to stay away.
Posts: 385 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 36711
| Posted: 11:08 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I drink more. I've been through some crap times in my life and didn't increase my drinking. But this time- yes.
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 30727
| Posted: 11:31 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
My ex is an alcoholic. His penchant for whiskey was a major turn off for me. I am talking first thing in the morning, pour half a bottle of whiskey into his coffee. And then it would go on all. Day. Long. Everywhere we went, including while he was driving. I am fortunate that he was not a cruel drunk, but he was a drunk, nonetheless. Sadly enough, I liked him better when he was drunk. He would try to quit, and his mood would always change to the worse to the point where I would just throw up my hands and say "Just go to the liquor store!"
The whole experience was so bad for me that after we divorced I told myself I was never going to be with another drinker again. And I lucked out in that my SO hates the taste of alcohol, and is teetotal. I definitely do not fault people who drink... my mother and my brother love the taste of beer and hard liquors... and when I see my mom I do traditionally have one bottle of wine with her... but I prefer it not to be in my life on a regular basis.
Funny enough, my ex quit drinking like a fish after we divorced. Now he's all perfect person in society with his new wife. So I figure I must have been driving him to it.
[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 11:32 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)]
Posts: 1835 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Member # 39670
| Posted: 12:19 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I've had a glass of wine every night since I found out. If I have 2 glasses I turn into a sobbing disaster, but one glass just takes the slightest edge off and helps me sleep.
Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 35387
| Posted: 4:19 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
WH and I really don't drink much.
We will have a drink maybe once a week for work few weeks and then we won't have a drink for months.
We really haven't changed in that regard.
Married 10 years, together for 12 years
2 children (9 years & 6 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)
Posts: 482 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 33867
| Posted: 5:02 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
My Wh drank every day for 30+ years. An alcoholic, yes. He drank to suppress the stresses of life, to escape reality, to feel the feeling of what he called euphoria.
He had his last drink on Dday, when his entire world blew up and he hit rock bottom.
Prior to dday he would deny being a functioning alcoholic. Today he would caution you that this path destroyed his life.
I did not drink before his affair, during his affair, or after his affair ~ not a drop. It is possible to deal with horrendous stress without it.
Seems like I can't do it.
If you can't, but you want to, then seek help before it becomes problematic.
ME: 55 BS
HIM: 63 WH
Married: 30 years
in R 5+ years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Posts: 2374 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 37091
| Posted: 10:37 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I was drinking so much leading into my A, before I even met OM. I know I was trying to bury my issues and depression underneath something and run away from it. During the A omg my drinking spiraled. I would barely have two beers a year before that if I had anything but during A I was having 7-8 plus cocktails. Never blackout drunk or even stumbling drunk but drunk enough that my head shut up. I haven't touched a drop in 10.5 months. There have been times when I wanted to run an down a bottle to black out and not remember anymore but those were the moments when I realized that I needed to build my inner strength. I want to make one year before I even CONSIDER tasting alcohol again. When I consider it if I feel I will use it as an escape mechanism instead of a beverage I enjoy once and awhile then I will continue my sobriety. SO's drinking has increased, not hugely but enough that I've noticed.
Posts: 3614 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 36976
| Posted: 10:58 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
Good for you Unagie! You probably wake up feeling much better in the morning. I drank alot while WH was having the affair. I had a lot of anxiety after chemo treatments and then WH just quit coming home so I was trying to manage to work and raise kids on my own. I know a lot of single moms do it without drinking but two glasses of wine a night relaxed my back enough so I could function.
WH never drank much but he said he had to get drunk with MOW to have sex with her. He hasn't had more than three glasses of wine in the last 18 months after they broke up.
Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2012
|Topic Posts: 17|