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General :
I did it!!!!!

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 sunshine226 (original poster member #38851) posted at 12:35 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

I told him that its time to make it official, to end our relationship, that I know he's not coming back despite saying he is (if he was, he would be back by now)

He moved in with OW the day after i found out about the A, but he kept telling me he loved me and was coming back, i held on all this time, waiting and hoping, not accepting that the man I just spent almost 23 years with would choose OW over me and his kids

He kept coming back and forth until 3 months ago when I told him that I dont want to see him anymore as long as she is a part of his life, so havent seen him since March 22, he hasnt been in to see his daughter, has never seen his 4 month old grandchild and has seen DS once in the last year and a half

I finally got the courage to say it is over (and mean it, have said it before) but this time, it is over, I love him but hate what he has done to us, but I need to accept it for what it really is. He wants to be with OW, not me, not his family, not our new home, not his life

He has a new life, a new family, and its time for me to move on officially. Its time to let go of the hope that he is coming back

Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

posts: 234   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2013
id 6401662
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itainteasy ( member #31094) posted at 12:53 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

(((((((((((((sunshine226))))))))))))))

You chose YOURSELF. That's wonderful!

posts: 3446   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2011   ·   location: NWPA
id 6401673
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newnormal ( member #21925) posted at 12:55 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

(((((Sunshine)))))

BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo

posts: 1034   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2008
id 6401675
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callmecrazy ( member #38765) posted at 1:10 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

You can hold your head up and honestly say you did all that you could have and this sets firmly on his shoulders regardless of who has to make it official.

Best wishes on the next chapter of your life.

posts: 304   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2013
id 6401686
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TrustGone ( member #36654) posted at 1:46 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

Good for you!!! You deserve better than what this POS has given you. I know it still hurts now, but it will get better once you finally let go. (((HUGS)))

XWH#2-No longer my monkey Divorced 8/15, Now married to a wonderful man.
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

posts: 10077   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2012   ·   location: Texas
id 6401716
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:50 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

Congrats!!! No spouse should ever be a second choice. Period.

Stay strong.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6401724
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Jaded4life ( member #37577) posted at 2:11 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

((((((Sunshine)))))) good for you!! Time to take care and live for YOU!

D-Months: Nov & Dec 2012. TT.

posts: 94   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2012   ·   location: Land of the lost
id 6401752
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 2:18 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

(((((((sunshine))))))))

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6401761
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Ostrich80 ( member #34827) posted at 2:25 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

Gosh sunshine that's awesome!! Ahhh hope to be on the other side one day too...yay for you!!!!!

BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

posts: 5738   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 6401770
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movingforward13 ( member #38405) posted at 4:33 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

I am happy for YOU. You made the choice and not waiting for him to do it. Stick to it, once he realizes you are serious he may try to come back. Don't let him.

Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

posts: 683   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2013   ·   location: DC
id 6401958
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simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 5:15 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

I wish I was as strong as you.

(((HUGS)))

Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)

posts: 6121   ·   registered: Jul. 31st, 2009   ·   location: In the darkest depths of hell!
id 6402013
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 sunshine226 (original poster member #38851) posted at 7:04 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

thank you everyone

Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

posts: 234   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2013
id 6402170
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Newlease ( member #7767) posted at 7:34 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

Good for you!

Trust me when I tell you that in a year or two you will look back and wonder why you were willing to wait around for someone who should have been putting you FIRST and working his ass off to win you back.

Sending strength and peace.

NL

Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

posts: 8471   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2005
id 6402211
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ElectricBlue ( member #35110) posted at 11:44 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013

I'm so proud of you! I love it when I see someone here who is able to take that step! I can't yet for myself but I'm very happy for you!

I'm the BW, 3 DDays since 2010....
6/28/12, the day I finally admitted to myself that nothing I did would ever matter to him, he's just broken. So I'm gonna just let go.....

posts: 283   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2012
id 6402553
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PinkJeepLady ( member #37575) posted at 12:16 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

Thanks for sharing your strength! I am proud of you too, way to go girl!

I wanted to ask you if it is getting easier than it was when you decided enough was enough?

Take care,

Me: BW Him: FWH
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas
Reconciled - thought so, but now divorcing

posts: 786   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2012   ·   location: Out West
id 6402577
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stillhere09 ( member #24924) posted at 12:51 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013

Good for you! Once the mind is made up to the point of no going back, it brings a peace that you haven't felt in a long time.

After that, you begin to realize that you can do anything you want to with your life. Old interests, old hobbies, etc. Life becomes fun - instead of tense days wondering where he is and who he is with.

The next phase you go through after that is discovering that you are getting yourself back, the self that existed years ago before you met him.

Happiness will reign again, trust me. I've been in NC with my WH for about 2 years, and I love life now. You have much to look forward to.

Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M

posts: 3204   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2009   ·   location: Ohio
id 6403035
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