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Can I keep him from bringing ds around ow?

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rumorhasit posted 7/9/2013 09:05 AM

The OW has been telling people I am a stalker (I am not) and sent me a text in May telling me to stop contacting Xs family and a bunch of other nonsense or "they" would file a restraining order against me.

Can this be grounds to keep her from seeing DS?

Ashland13 posted 7/9/2013 09:18 AM

To me it sounds like OW is trying to claim her territory and make things very difficult for you, Rumor. For that added frustration, I'm sorry.

I don't know about where you live and how family law works, but in our state/papers, there is a section where "no OP is to interfere with formerly M couple or children of M couple or there will be legal ramifications."

I'm sure STBXH tells OW in his case every little time I blink, so I work very hard at NC, even if I suffer withdrawal.

It could be grounds for at least a legal letter with a warning or something, but the rules and laws seem so much to work from state to state that it may be worth checking with a D/family lawyer?

What I've been told is that some of the only ways to keep a child permanently from an OP is safety things and they have to be pretty awful, like sex offender type things, but don't quote me!

rumorhasit posted 7/9/2013 09:31 AM

In the custody agreement there is a statement about no parental alienation... sigh...

My mother is freaking out about this and trying to say I don't care about my child if I don't demand that he be kept away from the OW. I feel like thats a fight I will lose because whats she's done isn't bad enough and I don't have the energy for it. So now I'm a bad mom.

chikastuff posted 7/9/2013 09:32 AM

Yep, she's peeing on his family foot to mark her territory.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you maintaining contact with his family if only for the purpose of fostering a healthy relationship between them and your kids. You're entitled to have your own relationships with people, regardless of whomever they're related to. And feel free to tell them as much.

That being said, it would be in VERY poor form to use those relationships to try and damage his relationship with them or to malign the new relationship in the family's eyes. Let them come to their own conclusions and just try and present yourself in the best and most honorable light possible.

They're likely fearful of you pumping his family full of "stories" (i.e., the truth) and trying to turn them against the couple. You're a loose end in their carefully constructed reality and loose ends are often liabilities.

I don't think their accusations warrant a response. You know you're not doing anything wrong. Let them throw their tantrums. The family will know what your motivation is by how you conduct yourself around them and during communication. Just keep things about you and the kids and pretend X and OW don't exist. Then, when X and OW bitch and moan about you the family can say, "gee, we don't know what you're talking about. She never talks about you and is perfectly pleasant."

rumorhasit posted 7/9/2013 13:32 PM

I asked him today to not introduce my son to his gf. ("Current gf" as he called her in mediation, that was funny.) He said he wasn't going to.

My mother is still mad at me. She is impossible. I got mad at her last night and told her she is mean because she was mad at me about not declaring in mediation that my son not be around this woman, and nothing I said was right, she just wanted to tear me down. SHE is the reason I got with an asshole cheater. She taught me that I am responsible for other people's emotions. Namely hers. I cannot deal with her.

Kajem posted 7/9/2013 14:14 PM


You can't control him. I think you realize that. Unfortunately your mother doesn't.

I think you are doing a great job of picking your battles... and letting go of the battles that will not make a difference.

Hugs, I know it can be difficult dealing with a headstrong mom in this situation.. my mom was the same way. It made things so much harder on me. I hope you can get away from her for a while to think and relax.

More hugs,


Coraline posted 7/10/2013 02:48 AM

I agree with Kajem. Also, I think you should be proud of yourself for recognizing how it is that you would up in the sort of relationship you did. That's a hard pill to swallow sometimes - the fact that things could've been different if someone had treated you better along the way.

SBB posted 7/10/2013 04:15 AM

Tell your mum to get back in her box.

My mum was also full of crazy arse ideas and plans and sat there judging me.

50/50 is the norm these days - she doesn't understand that.

The courts don't tell people who they can have their kids around (I've heard here that they will in some countries/states but only until D is final.

Unless the OP is a danger to your child - even then it seems very very difficult to prove.

Unfortunately D solves the shit husband problem but not the shit father problem. The legal system is heaving under cases of life threatening child abuse cases - they don't give a shit about feelings or matters of integrity and common decency. It would be an impossible task anyway.

Do not communicate with her at all. If she keeps contacting you then you get an order against her. She can say WTF-ever she wants. She can't file a restraining order for you contacting a family you used to be a part of (that she is not actually a part of!).

("Current gf" as he called her in mediation, that was funny.)

Stop the press - did a WS just speak the truth???? Wonders will never cease!

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