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Had no idea how much my username would be true

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changedforlife posted 7/9/2013 14:46 PM

I didn't find SI until over a month after Dday. I wish I had found it earlier.

When I did join and had to choose a username, I gave it some thought and I realized that the relationship with my WH has been changed for life, hence the name. I also registered a little bit that I personally would be changed but I had no idea how much.

I am no where close to the person I used to be. I am so sad so much of the time. I can lose my temper with my DD so quickly now. I used to meet other moms at groups and be able to chat. I was quick to smile and laugh.

But not now. Since Dday, I have avoided going to playgroups but I went back to one today. I felt out of place but I tried to interact with the other moms. I just wasn't able to be the self I used to be. I felt alone even with everyone around.

I have been so sad over the last couple of weeks. I feel like I am back at the start again but not quite as painful. I am taking an AD at a very low dose. Last night my mind was racing again and I ended up taking a sleeping aid that I haven't had to take in a months. I guess this is the roller coaster that everyone speaks of. I've never been a fan of carnival rides.

I'm not even sure where I am going with this post. I guess I just needed to get it out of my brain and put my thoughts out there.

MovingUpward posted 7/9/2013 15:03 PM

Keep a watch over yourself here to see if it is just part of the roller coaster. If not then I'd get back to your doctor and tell them what you are feeling. You might be on too low of a dose or even the wrong AD.

changedforlife posted 7/9/2013 22:15 PM

Thanks MovingUpward. I was thinking of going to the doctor to ask about going off the AD because I never felt like it really did anything for me and I hate taking any kind of medication. Maybe I need to consider asking about increasing it.

I have a hard time figuring out what is normal sad because of circumstances and what is depressed. My WH is diagnosed with BPD and has major depressive states so those have been my experience with what depression looks like. I think WH also thinks that I am not in a depression because I can physically get out of bed each day. I feel like such a failure in so many things and I can't even get being depressed right.

ETA - Sorry, I think I am having a pity party for one right now.

[This message edited by changedforlife at 10:17 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]

nowiknow23 posted 7/9/2013 22:21 PM

My WH is diagnosed with BPD and has major depressive states so those have been my experience with what depression looks like. I think WH also thinks that I am not in a depression because I can physically get out of bed each day. I feel like such a failure in so many things and I can't even get being depressed right.
Depression can take on several different forms. It isn't the same for everyone, honey. I second the suggestion of seeing your doctor. Don't give up until you get the help you need, in whatever form that might take. ((((changed))))

girlsbird posted 7/9/2013 22:45 PM

Thinking you are on the rollor coaster. And like you I don't like carnival rides.

Take care of yourself and let your doctor know what is going on. As said earlier you may be on the wrong med or dosage.

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