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Newest Member: MaggieO (60733)

User Topic: my moment (sorry, possible tmi)
♀ 38139
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its been almost 7 months since DDay. In this time i have known more pain than i ever thought possible. I have struggled with the seemingly impossible task of deciding if i have it in me to R or if this is a deal breaker for me.

Yesterday, my WH and i had our MC session...followed by a wonderful dinner at a river front restaurant...followed by some playful shenanigans and some ridiculously overpriced drinks at a rooftop bar in the city. All in all, a really wonderful day, even with the MC session thrown in.

While walking to the car, my WH stopped me and thanked me...he said my decision to find an MC in the city instead of locally was the best decision i made for us, as it has given us some really wonderful opportunities for date nights, spending quality time together and making new memories together...he said that he was grateful for me and for everyday i give him to prove that he can be the husband i deserve. That meant a great deal to me, and really made a great night even better.

I think we were both in a really good place emotionally, for the first time in quite some time....i felt like we were really connected, in sync. On the car ride home, we started getting frisky with eachother...which eventually lead to me asking my WH to pull off to a location of my choosing...and we made love in the car.

After we finished, we were holding eachother, and my WH broke down. He was shaking, sobbing uncontrollably and harder than i have seen him cry in a while. He said how sorry he was, how he couldn't believe how he could do such a thing, how he could hurt me so, how regretful he was, and how much he loved me and would spend the rest of his life proving that to me.

I broke down as well. We sat there and cried together. After 7 months of not being able to say it...i was finally able to look at my WH and tell him i loved him...and that we are going to make it. For the first time in 7 months...i actually believe it. We still have a long, rough road ahead of us...i know that....but today, this day, i officially commit myself to R.

The people on this site have given me hope when i had none...strength when i was falling apart. You helped me hang on. I wanted to put some hope out there for those of you going thru R. Keep holding on.

What was your moment?? when did you look at your WS and realize that you did have it in you to R?

Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I knew early. My H was one of the few who showed true remorse from day 1. My DDay was 3 days before our wedding date. I spent that night, mostly in shock, interrogation and prayer. The next morning, I decided to go through with the wedding, knowing I still had 3 weeks before I had to file our license. I waited until the next to last day. From that point, I was all in.

Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 39246
Member # 39246
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Sorrow...

Your post brought tears to my eyes and gives me hope for better days ahead. I am so happy for you!


Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=Single Coworker
OW had a baby. We do not know if my H is the father.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 16 years
Married: 12
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 11, 6, 3
Limbo 2 + years after dday

Posts: 228 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a beautiful, beautiful moment and post. Thank you so much for sharing it!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 9776 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 36130
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Jul 2012
♀ 39755
Member # 39755
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very nice! Thank you & standing ovation for you & hubs!

Me-SAHW soon 55
Him-asshat age 60
Married 3.5 years together 13.5
Step-children 8 altogether Grandchildren.
Cheaters are the same yesterday, today & forever. They may have different caveats but they lie the same & pull the same shit.

Where i

Posts: 114 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
♂ 30434
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your question: What was your moment?? when did you look at your WS and realize that you did have it in you to R?

When my wife told me she WANTED to tell my parents that she had an affair. There was no reason other than true remorse that she wanted to tell them and this locked my decision to recover. Until this point I was only in it for the kids. It was an amazing point and I could have never guessed this was what I needed. It came out of no where.

[This message edited by still-living at 8:41 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]

WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14
Recovery is constructing a pyramid of inference from which to see clearer.
The process involves using the reflexive loop.

Posts: 1491 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H cried a few times after dday. But I got up one morning last week. When he seen me he held out his arms for a hug. I went for a hug and as soon as I put my arms around him he started crying really hard. He told me he was so sorry and he swore that he would never do that to me again, that he would never hurt me again.

That's when I knew I made the right choice to R

Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 36587
Member # 36587
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your post brought a tear to my eye. What an amazing day that must have been for you both even with the tears. I hope his genuine display of emotion helps you in your healing and brings you both closer together.

I found moments like that helped me feel as though my H and I are in it together. He may have caused the devastation but I feel we are working together as a team to heal our marriage.

I confronted my H over the phone once I learnt that his EA was actually a PA. He was at work and he was too ashamed to come home that day and face me. I told him I needed him to come home and he did eventually. When he got home, he couldn't even look at me. He ended up breaking down and sobbing. I took him in my arms and let him cry on my shoulder. I could see he was sorry and that he was totally ashamed at himself. I knew then that I was going to give R a try.

[This message edited by OptimisticWife at 7:10 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

Posts: 191 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 10

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