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Need mommy strength that I just don't have

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stupidstupidme posted 7/9/2013 16:10 PM

I just got off the phone with DD's ex bf. Not good news. Worse than before. Pretty common I guess, but horrific for me to hear. She doesn't live with me anymore, and she's 20. What do I do? What can I do? What do I even still have the energy inside of me to do? Well, fuck... that's never ending when it comes to my kids...

After an exhausting two weeks in the hospital with Bunt, then a visit from my DS16 for a while, in which he was... well... typical 16 yr old and difficult... now this.

I'm not sure what to even do now...

nowiknow23 posted 7/9/2013 16:22 PM

I don't know what you're specifically dealing with, but I am sending you all the strength I've got. (((((ssm)))))

authenticnow posted 7/9/2013 16:43 PM


It's hard when they're under our roof engaging in harmful behaviors, and also very difficult in a different way when they're out of our homes.

Sometimes I feel relief because even though deep down I know DS is not okay, I don't see it every day and I can live in my happy state of denial...or maybe it's survival because really, I have no control at this point, and I had to work very hard to let go of the outcome, to give it over, because the constant worry was killing me.

So, I talk to him, reach out in the ways that I can, let him know I love him always, and pray.

I'm sorry for your pain and I hope your DD gets to a place of healing soon.


jo2love posted 7/9/2013 18:06 PM


Sending strength.

stupidstupidme posted 7/9/2013 18:55 PM

IDK what to do

metamorphisis posted 7/9/2013 19:00 PM

Talk it out with us SSM. We'll help you.

Catwoman posted 7/9/2013 19:06 PM

Can you find an Al-Anon meeting? I think there you would find all manner of folks going through very similar issues, including having little-to-no control over their loved one's choices. That, to me, has to be the hardest part. Some of us are natural fixers, and working to accept that we can't fix this is tough.

That is what I would do.


authenticnow posted 7/9/2013 20:10 PM is a great site for support.

They even have real time daily meetings, in addition to a support forum.

metamorphisis posted 7/9/2013 20:14 PM

That might be a good start SSM
Just to be with others who really get it and who are maybe further out than you and know how to navigate this stuff with their children. I hate this for you but I know you'll figure it out. If its one thing I know from all these years with you.. you don't give up. Make sure to focus some of that fierce energy into helping YOU. Because you need a break too.

painpaingoaway posted 7/9/2013 20:20 PM

I'm right there with you honey.

It's agony, I know.


painpaingoaway posted 7/10/2013 07:00 AM

How are things today SSM?


tushnurse posted 7/10/2013 08:53 AM


ajsmom posted 7/10/2013 09:47 AM

Aw, crap.

Hugs, my friend.



stupidstupidme posted 7/10/2013 10:32 AM

I feel pretty defeated today. An hour late to work - I can't even believe I'm here. Cried all damn night. My eyes look like someone punched me in the face. It's embarassing... I feel like my poor bosses have put up with SO much damn drama over the past 9 years I've worked here.... it's ridiculous.

I haven't talked to her. I don't even know how to right now. I'm still crying and my head is killing me. I feel like I must have done something terribly wrong in my parenting

redrock posted 7/10/2013 12:49 PM

I feel like I must have done something terribly wrong in my parenting

Wouldn't it be great if we had that kind of control? One of the hardest things to accept when you have an addict in the family is that YOU - cannot rescue another human being. No rescue is successful without their effort and participation.

Your parenting did not get her here. Please be kind to yourself right now.

The addict in our family is my BIL. It has been so HARD in so many ways- soulcrushing. I think I 'get it' but it isn't my child, so in some ways I know I don't understand completely.

You have been through the wringer and then some. Take some time to regroup. Consider what AN advised about reaching out for support.

I wish I had more to offer than hugs. Except to ask you not to pile on yourself by accepting blame for actions that are none of your doing.


stupidstupidme posted 7/11/2013 09:38 AM

Spent most of yesterday with her. I just showed up at her apt and took her home with me. We talked for hours. She is in some serious denial and so busy justifying... but she listened.

We came up with a gameplan, and we will see how that goes. I can't force her to do anything, and she isn't ruling anything out either - so we'll try it her way, and if it doesn't work, she has agreed to re-think the next step.

This is indeed as horrific as Cystic Fibrosis. Maybe more so in some ways.

scarredforever posted 7/11/2013 10:22 AM

So sorry for what you are going through.

Take care of yourself too, while you are helping your girl.

Deeply Scared posted 7/11/2013 11:47 AM


I don't know what you're dealing with, but I'm sending you a lot of love and peaceful thoughts.

You're a strong woman, I'm positive you'll know what to do and when to do it.

hexed posted 7/12/2013 12:26 PM


How are you doing today? I hope things are better.

Jen posted 7/12/2013 13:32 PM


Be a soft place to land, like a mom. She gonna need it when she realizes life is not all great and wonderful ...


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