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stupidstupidme (original poster member #11888) posted at 10:10 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013
I just got off the phone with DD's ex bf. Not good news. Worse than before. Pretty common I guess, but horrific for me to hear. She doesn't live with me anymore, and she's 20. What do I do? What can I do? What do I even still have the energy inside of me to do? Well, fuck... that's never ending when it comes to my kids...
After an exhausting two weeks in the hospital with Bunt, then a visit from my DS16 for a while, in which he was... well... typical 16 yr old and difficult... now this.
I'm not sure what to even do now... 
Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 10:22 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013
I don't know what you're specifically dealing with, but I am sending you all the strength I've got. (((((ssm)))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 10:43 PM on Tuesday, July 9th, 2013
SSM,
It's hard when they're under our roof engaging in harmful behaviors, and also very difficult in a different way when they're out of our homes.
Sometimes I feel relief because even though deep down I know DS is not okay, I don't see it every day and I can live in my happy state of denial...or maybe it's survival because really, I have no control at this point, and I had to work very hard to let go of the outcome, to give it over, because the constant worry was killing me.
So, I talk to him, reach out in the ways that I can, let him know I love him always, and pray.
I'm sorry for your pain and I hope your DD gets to a place of healing soon.
AN
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 12:06 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
((((SSM))))
Sending strength.
stupidstupidme (original poster member #11888) posted at 12:55 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson
metamorphisis ( member #12041) posted at 1:00 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
Talk it out with us SSM. We'll help you.
Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.
Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 1:06 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
Can you find an Al-Anon meeting? I think there you would find all manner of folks going through very similar issues, including having little-to-no control over their loved one's choices. That, to me, has to be the hardest part. Some of us are natural fixers, and working to accept that we can't fix this is tough.
That is what I would do.
Cat
FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 2:10 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
Naranon.com is a great site for support.
They even have real time daily meetings, in addition to a support forum.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
metamorphisis ( member #12041) posted at 2:14 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
That might be a good start SSM 
Just to be with others who really get it and who are maybe further out than you and know how to navigate this stuff with their children. I hate this for you but I know you'll figure it out. If its one thing I know from all these years with you.. you don't give up. Make sure to focus some of that fierce energy into helping YOU. Because you need a break too.
Go softly my sweet friend. You will always be a part of who I am.
painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 2:20 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
I'm right there with you honey.
It's agony, I know.
(((SSM)))
D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 1:00 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
How are things today SSM?
((((SSM))))
D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:53 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 3:47 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
Aw, crap.
Hugs, my friend.
(((((ssm)))))
AJ's MOM
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34
stupidstupidme (original poster member #11888) posted at 4:32 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
I feel pretty defeated today. An hour late to work - I can't even believe I'm here. Cried all damn night. My eyes look like someone punched me in the face. It's embarassing... I feel like my poor bosses have put up with SO much damn drama over the past 9 years I've worked here.... it's ridiculous.
I haven't talked to her. I don't even know how to right now. I'm still crying and my head is killing me. I feel like I must have done something terribly wrong in my parenting
Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson
redrock ( member #21538) posted at 6:49 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
I feel like I must have done something terribly wrong in my parenting
Wouldn't it be great if we had that kind of control? One of the hardest things to accept when you have an addict in the family is that YOU - cannot rescue another human being. No rescue is successful without their effort and participation.
Your parenting did not get her here. Please be kind to yourself right now.
The addict in our family is my BIL. It has been so HARD in so many ways- soulcrushing. I think I 'get it' but it isn't my child, so in some ways I know I don't understand completely.
You have been through the wringer and then some. Take some time to regroup. Consider what AN advised about reaching out for support.
I wish I had more to offer than hugs. Except to ask you not to pile on yourself by accepting blame for actions that are none of your doing.
((((((ssm))))))
I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)
stupidstupidme (original poster member #11888) posted at 3:38 PM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013
Spent most of yesterday with her. I just showed up at her apt and took her home with me. We talked for hours. She is in some serious denial and so busy justifying... but she listened.
We came up with a gameplan, and we will see how that goes. I can't force her to do anything, and she isn't ruling anything out either - so we'll try it her way, and if it doesn't work, she has agreed to re-think the next step.
This is indeed as horrific as Cystic Fibrosis. Maybe more so in some ways.
Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson
scarredforever ( member #23875) posted at 4:22 PM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013
So sorry for what you are going through.
Take care of yourself too, while you are helping your girl.
"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
Mark Twain
Me-BS 54
Him-WS 55
Together 35 years
6-5-06 Day of Reckoning
Familiarity breeds contempt.
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 5:47 PM on Thursday, July 11th, 2013
(((SSM)))
I don't know what you're dealing with, but I'm sending you a lot of love and peaceful thoughts.
You're a strong woman, I'm positive you'll know what to do and when to do it.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
hexed ( member #19258) posted at 6:26 PM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
((SSM)))
How are you doing today? I hope things are better.
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
Jen ( member #26584) posted at 7:32 PM on Friday, July 12th, 2013
(((SSM)))
Be a soft place to land, like a mom. She gonna need it when she realizes life is not all great and wonderful ...
(((hugs)))
Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah
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