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41andthankful (original poster member #38650) posted at 2:51 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
Healing had been progressing significantly since I filed. He's been gone over a month now and I felt good. We have been very civil and ok when we have to see each other. My dd (4) got sick and he came to check on her.
It felt like day one all over again. Before I knew it, I was asking the same a questions that I already had answers to and got angry all over again. It was so unexpected and I didn't handle it well. The venom was back and with a vengeance. He took it all and apologized when I was done. He said he is so sorry for what he put me through but most of all for how it has changed me as a person. He wants to know what he can do to help me get back to being me? I cried like it was day one when he left. What is this???
stillhere09 ( member #24924) posted at 3:06 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
This is why it's best to go NC when you separate. No 2x4 here, you did nothing wrong. It's normal when you see the one who devastated you, even though you've been just fine on your own since he's been gone.
And that's a sign that you are better off without him. You do fine on your own, but when he shows up, it opens old wounds all over again.
Hugs to you. This doesn't have to set you back. You'll be just fine again before you know it.
Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M
I think I can ( member #17756) posted at 4:12 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
Sounds normal to me, sweetie.
((41andthankful))
I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.
Duffy1958 ( member #39755) posted at 6:48 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
No Babe, you aren't going crazy. It is very hurtful to see STBX under circumstance of ill child. It is familiar. Family. And he bashed it up. You don't get over this all at once. You just needed to let off a little steam. Sounds healthy.
STBX gallant behavior just pisses me off. It's guilt & I don't appreciate small gifts of platitude & good behavior out of guilt. It makes me cry too. I don't know if it's the same for you. My husband has been attentive, best conversationalist etc AFTER he made a fool of himself lusting after his ex wife. I want to stab him in the eye. Please don't do that. I won't either. I'm just blowing off steam.
Temporary setback. If you think of something STBX can do, tell him. Otherwise, crickets to him.
I think you should also take time to feel good that he offered to help you heal. It's best to stay detached until you get further down the road though. Get use to this. You can even tell him, "let me get back to you, it might be a few months"
You WILL get you back again. You are already noticing it is better. You will notice more & more. You will notice your laughter, true laughter, coming back etc. This changes us but doesn't have to ruin us.
Me-SAHW soon 55
Him-asshat age 60
Married 3.5 years together 13.5
Step-children 8 altogether Grandchildren.
Cheaters are the same yesterday, today & forever. They may have different caveats but they lie the same & pull the same shit.
Where i
sammie ( member #7785) posted at 1:43 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
Get back to yourself? Is he fucking mental??? You don't take a hatched to someones heart and then expect them to just carry on as normal. He MURDERED a marriage, family, and other peoples emotional wellbeing! He can't expect NORMAL ever again!
Hugs.
If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
Never give more of yourself than you are getting back.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." ~Ernest Hemingway
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