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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

User Topic: That wasn't honey OW was pouring on
tryin2havefaith
♀ 37165
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had a good talk tonight after his IC session. He now sees clearly that just about everything she told him was a manipulative lie in order to 'get him'. He is wracked with guilt and shame as he realizes the load of $#út she poured on and that he believed from OW. He told me he can't believe he did not see through it all , as it is so absolutely clear now, can't understand how he let down his boundaries for such a lying,manipulative, and predatory B. He is also in awe that I am still here and still love him.


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 265 | Registered: Oct 2012
RightTrack
♀ 36976
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, my WH too thought that OW was "nice". Nice! A nice person would have told him to go back to his wife! He's lucky he's got someone like you to stick with him through this.

Posts: 643 | Registered: Sep 2012
shatteredheart7
♀ 39734
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have wrote your post myself. My H thought she was so nice and at first felt bad for her. He dd was always in trouble, running away from home and in lock up. She would cry to him about how much she loved her kids. Was always telling him how she would lay her life down and die for them. Imagine his surprise when I pulled the news article up on the internet about what happened when her house burnt down in the middle of the night. She and her 2 oldest daughters climbed out on the roof and jumped down to safety, leaving her 10 yr old son and her 18 month old daughter, who had been sleeping in her crib in the same room as the ow, in the house. Her son had to rescue himself and his baby sister. Sounds like a great mom right, would die for her kids...give me a break!

I've said it before, I warned him she would do anything, say anything, to get him. I seen her for what she is, a lying manipulative piece of trash from day one. So glad he sees it now too. Especially glad he sees just how lucky he is and how good he has it with me and realizes how much he loves me!

Glad your H finally sees this too!


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Flatlined123
♀ 35862
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, the OW was "nice" and did tell H to go back to his wife. That was AFTER she had carried in a 18 month affair with him and I was making her world uncomfortable.

He wasn't worth the effort and she had already found someone else and was moving on.

No, they don't pour honey....they pour out bullshit!


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 692 | Registered: Jun 2012
Lalagirl
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my WH too thought that OW was "nice".

Same here...and "she's a good person." GOOD people don't try to break up marriages!

It's amazing what fog does. Ugh!


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5148 | Registered: May 2007
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is he also exploring his role? The things he did and said (to OW or himself) to make the affair possible? It's quite unlikely he was a hapless victim, and while it's nice he's no longer romanticizing OW, it's extremely superficial and not a great measure of huge progress. I think you'll feel even greater relief when he starts really digging.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9042 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
TheClimb
♀ 25895
Member # 25895
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"She listens to me". When we first married we used to laugh about people in new relationships. We called it the six months of good behavior. I could not believe he fell for this crap! When I called him on it, he also said she was a good person. How I was being unfair by "blaming this poor girl for our bad marriage". I don't know why I didn't leave that night...

To this day, I think he is too embarrassed to admit that she is just a stupid whore. He will say, "I knew she was desperate but I didn't know just how desperate she was".

I can see an ass kisser from a mile away. Why can't they?

[This message edited by TheClimb at 9:31 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


"That which can be destroyed by the truth should be" P.C. Hodgell

Posts: 468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Southern Maryland
tryin2havefaith
♀ 37165
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@solus sto - YES...he is. He has always taken responsibility for what he did. He is digging in IC for a long time now and continues to go weekly. He has finally been coming to terms that everything she said was a manipulative lie.
If you knew the man he was for years prior...this POS would have not gotten time of day from him; an A was never something he would have engaged in. But here we are and he did have an A. He IS doing the hard work of figuring out how he sunk to this.


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 265 | Registered: Oct 2012
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's great


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9042 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
crazyblindsided
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, they don't pour honey....they pour out bullshit!

LOL I just said something similar to my WH the other day.

Something along the line of, "the 2 bullshitters bullshitted each other." I then started laughing in hysterics. WH did not think it was so funny


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, Mr. Deluded aka FWH was so desparate for affirmation, adoration, or whatever, that he deluded himself that a stripper, A STRIPPER, was an appropriate person to have a 1-sided EA with. That she actually "cared" for him. That because she was willing to smile at him, remembered his (fake) name, and would actually talk to him for a little bit before he paid her to grind herself on him, that she and he had become friends.

It took him months before he would finally admit to himself that she was as much of his friend as a wolf is to a lamb. And only because he was spending OUR money buying her time.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5097 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Holly-Isis
♀ 13447
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prov 5:3-4
For the lips of an adulteress drip honey
And smoother than oil is her speech;

But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
Sharp as a two-edged sword.

Well now, an AP couldn't feed their ego if they were jerks, could they? MrH said that the time he knew xOw2 before the A, she was a downright bitch to him. It wasn't until a conference in HI that suddenly she became nice and complimentary.

During the A though, she began to revert back to her old ways, by then he was invested and held on to the A, maybe because he couldn't admit to himself how much he screwed up...again.

ETA:

She and her 2 oldest daughters climbed out on the roof and jumped down to safety, leaving her 10 yr old son and her 18 month old daughter, who had been sleeping in her crib in the same room as the ow, in the house.

I always think nothing else could shock me with some of the doozies I've read here, but this...I want to throw up. I honesty can't even imagine. I wouldn't be able to leave the house with my kids still inside.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 3:17 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11282 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
shatteredheart7
♀ 39734
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know Holly and to make it even worse my H has been a volunteer fireman for 15 yrs. When he read that article he was so pissed off I honestly thought he was going to call her and tell her what he thought of her. The only thing that saved her was he really wants nothing to do with her ever again.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 13

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