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We had a good talk tonight after his IC session. He now sees clearly that just about everything she told him was a manipulative lie in order to 'get him'. He is wracked with guilt and shame as he realizes the load of $#£t she poured on and that he believed from OW. He told me he can't believe he did not see through it all , as it is so absolutely clear now, can't understand how he let down his boundaries for such a lying,manipulative, and predatory B. He is also in awe that I am still here and still love him.

Yeah, my WH too thought that OW was "nice". Nice! A nice person would have told him to go back to his wife! He's lucky he's got someone like you to stick with him through this.

I could have wrote your post myself. My H thought she was so nice and at first felt bad for her. He dd was always in trouble, running away from home and in lock up. She would cry to him about how much she loved her kids. Was always telling him how she would lay her life down and die for them. Imagine his surprise when I pulled the news article up on the internet about what happened when her house burnt down in the middle of the night. She and her 2 oldest daughters climbed out on the roof and jumped down to safety, leaving her 10 yr old son and her 18 month old daughter, who had been sleeping in her crib in the same room as the ow, in the house. Her son had to rescue himself and his baby sister. Sounds like a great mom right, would die for her kids...give me a break!

I've said it before, I warned him she would do anything, say anything, to get him. I seen her for what she is, a lying manipulative piece of trash from day one. So glad he sees it now too. Especially glad he sees just how lucky he is and how good he has it with me and realizes how much he loves me!

Glad your H finally sees this too!

Oh, the OW was "nice" and did tell H to go back to his wife. That was AFTER she had carried in a 18 month affair with him and I was making her world uncomfortable.

He wasn't worth the effort and she had already found someone else and was moving on.

No, they don't pour honey....they pour out bullshit!

my WH too thought that OW was "nice".

Same here...and "she's a good person." GOOD people don't try to break up marriages!

It's amazing what fog does. Ugh!

Is he also exploring his role? The things he did and said (to OW or himself) to make the affair possible? It's quite unlikely he was a hapless victim, and while it's nice he's no longer romanticizing OW, it's extremely superficial and not a great measure of huge progress. I think you'll feel even greater relief when he starts really digging.

"She listens to me". When we first married we used to laugh about people in new relationships. We called it the six months of good behavior. I could not believe he fell for this crap! When I called him on it, he also said she was a good person. How I was being unfair by "blaming this poor girl for our bad marriage". I don't know why I didn't leave that night...

To this day, I think he is too embarrassed to admit that she is just a stupid whore. He will say, "I knew she was desperate but I didn't know just how desperate she was".

I can see an ass kisser from a mile away. Why can't they?

[This message edited by TheClimb at 9:31 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

@solus sto - YES...he is. He has always taken responsibility for what he did. He is digging in IC for a long time now and continues to go weekly. He has finally been coming to terms that everything she said was a manipulative lie.
If you knew the man he was for years prior...this POS would have not gotten time of day from him; an A was never something he would have engaged in. But here we are and he did have an A. He IS doing the hard work of figuring out how he sunk to this.

That's great

No, they don't pour honey....they pour out bullshit!

LOL I just said something similar to my WH the other day.

Something along the line of, "the 2 bullshitters bullshitted each other." I then started laughing in hysterics. WH did not think it was so funny

Well, Mr. Deluded aka FWH was so desparate for affirmation, adoration, or whatever, that he deluded himself that a stripper, A STRIPPER, was an appropriate person to have a 1-sided EA with. That she actually "cared" for him. That because she was willing to smile at him, remembered his (fake) name, and would actually talk to him for a little bit before he paid her to grind herself on him, that she and he had become friends.

It took him months before he would finally admit to himself that she was as much of his friend as a wolf is to a lamb. And only because he was spending OUR money buying her time.

Prov 5:3-4
For the lips of an adulteress drip honey
And smoother than oil is her speech;

But in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
Sharp as a two-edged sword.

Well now, an AP couldn't feed their ego if they were jerks, could they? MrH said that the time he knew xOw2 before the A, she was a downright bitch to him. It wasn't until a conference in HI that suddenly she became nice and complimentary.

During the A though, she began to revert back to her old ways, by then he was invested and held on to the A, maybe because he couldn't admit to himself how much he screwed up...again.

ETA:

She and her 2 oldest daughters climbed out on the roof and jumped down to safety, leaving her 10 yr old son and her 18 month old daughter, who had been sleeping in her crib in the same room as the ow, in the house.

I always think nothing else could shock me with some of the doozies I've read here, but this...I want to throw up. I honesty can't even imagine. I wouldn't be able to leave the house with my kids still inside.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 3:17 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

I know Holly and to make it even worse my H has been a volunteer fireman for 15 yrs. When he read that article he was so pissed off I honestly thought he was going to call her and tell her what he thought of her. The only thing that saved her was he really wants nothing to do with her ever again.