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musiclovingmom (original poster member #38207) posted at 4:38 AM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
So why do I feel so worn down. My H is finally making some tremendous personal progress. He is wading through some tough crap that's been locked away for over 20 years. He finally realized he's not doing any of us any favors by sugar-coating details. We are physically and emotionally closer than we have been in months. But tonight, I'm here, alone. A call that interrupted a nice family lunch sent him suddenly out of town for the night. In order to have that lunch, naps were short and not at their regular time so my boys (3 mos and 21 mos) were grumpy until bedtime. My nephew (5) came waltzing in my house just as I had gotten the boys to sleep and was getting my daughter (5) ready for bed. I sent him home, which, of course, made her cry. Now, everyone has been asleep for an hour (at least), but I'm sitting in the dark feeling nauseous and stressed and sad for reasons I can't even put a finger on. I used to have it all together most of the time. Now, normal life can be too much. *sigh*
unfound ( member #12802) posted at 3:22 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
his recent efforts (and hopefully continued) may not make you feel any less worn down for a while. once they've been consistent, over a period of time ( that time is unique to everyone) you will probably start to feel less worn down.
also, it can feel heavy once they start to step up because you can start to let your guard down.. which in itself puts a whole 'nother set of emotions in place. take one away, replace with 9 
..
"normal" is something you get to make, and it takes time to tweak and bend into what you want/need it to be. it's not a straight road. it might feel weird, or taxing or exhausting because it's a work in progress and the both of you are still trying to learn the healthy way of doing it as a couple that has experienced one of the biggest blows a relationship can take.
life happens. kids get cranky, bills pile up, cars break down. it all adds to the already emotional load you're carrying. enjoy those moments when things are good.
ka-mai
*************
Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 10:40 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
What unfound said. 
Even if things are PERFECT on paper right now, it still takes a long long time to process the emotions.
You don't have to have it all together right now. Just be proud of the job you're doing when you can, and when the harder emotions hit just know that it's normal, and that you're going to be ok. With time comes relief.
(((mlm)))
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
musiclovingmom (original poster member #38207) posted at 11:34 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2013
also, it can feel heavy once they start to step up because you can start to let your guard down.. which in itself puts a whole 'nother set of emotions in place
I hadn't thought about it like this. And, honestly, had to come back and read it this afternoon for it to really sink in. I've been on my H for the last several months (once the shock wore off and I was really ready to deal with stuff around January). He has been great at supporting me and answering questions without anger or frustration. But, just in the last week or so, it finally really clicked with him that he was going to have to really work on HIM too. He's got some really ugly events that have been locked away for more than 2 decades. Seeing this new surge in his efforts (and learning what he's had boxed up for so long) may be exactly what's got me down. Today has been better.
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