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Newest Member: EllaE21 (60723)

User Topic: Pros and Cons of Fri-Mon am visitation???
♀ 35150
Member # 35150
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

POS STBX douche wants visitation to be every other Friday-Monday am and then wednesdays overnights. We have a pending mediation session and then court if this doesn't work. I'm sick about the time I'm giving up but this is truly the bottom line of which I could live with. % s don't work out so well for me and I know he'll try to widdle his CS down because of it and because he is a douche. Anyone out there have a similar visitation schedule? What are the pros and cons?? How does it work for you?? Thank you SI friends.

Digging Deep in the Mud

Posts: 235 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Virginia
♂ 36857
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My schedule is similar, but reversed. In other words, my xWW has them on the weekends and I have primary custody.

I think your schedule would work fine, with one exception. The Wednesday overnight, in my case, would be disruptive. The kids get into a groove during the week. I would hate to have them ping ponging back and forth during the week. It would,really disrupt the flow everyone's week, it seems to me. Instead of doing overnights on Wed., I would suggest offering that he can take them to dinner on Wednesdays.

(Note: my kids are 4 and 6. Although our parenting agreement says that my xWW can have them Fri after school to drop-off at school on Monday, we don't actually do that. Se brings them back on Sunday afternoon at 5:00 pm. That worked better for everyone.)

Good luck.

Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 6 (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12

Posts: 1288 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
million pieces
♀ 27539
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SO has a somewhat similar schedule, except for his weekday is Thursdays, so when he has them that week with the weekend, it is Thurs-Sunday overnight, no disruption. Works well for them.

Me - 45
2 kids, 12 and 14
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1646 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XWH has the kids EOW from Friday at 5:00 pm until Sunday at 5:00 pm. That part has worked out fine. He now wants the one weeknight, which is part of our legal agreement, so the kids are starting their Wednesday overnights as of tonight. I think it will be fine over summer vacation, but I worry about what nomistake said-- I'm afraid that once the school year kicks in, it's going to be very disruptive. I would prefer if we found another way during the week for XWH to spend time with the kids without getting overnights involved, but I'll just see how things go. I like what million pieces mentioned-- the Thursday overnight rolled into the weekend visitation would probably be the least disruptive arrangement that involves a weekday overnight.

FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 4079 | Registered: Oct 2011
♀ 35288
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We do EOW Saturday morning - Monday morning, Thursday nights and EOW tuesday dinners.

[This message edited by chikastuff at 9:27 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
♂ 32258
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think your schedule would work fine, with one exception. The Wednesday overnight, in my case, would be disruptive.
I agree with this. I have 50/50 custody and we alternate weeks beginning and ending on Fridays. We chose this so the kids could decompress/adjust over the weekend and be okay for school the next week. My situation isn't exactly like yours but just wanted to add my 2 cents to the mid week overnight maybe being disruptive.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 2197 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, we have this too.

STBXH tried to have DD with him overnight during school days, but it didn't sit well with me and is disruptive to her. It doesn't work with his lack of respect for boundaries like bed time, either, or his fly-by-night lack of planning and routine. So he visits her one night a week, which he's changed many times and gets grief from her, so I don' say anything.

I was petrified of not seeing her for that length of time, but find I am getting used to it. I make up little errands to do or go shopping for someone's present early. I make whatever I want for meals and take it easy on chores. I chat on the phone longer and have looked up old friends and have gone back to some very old hobbies.

I found a place to volunteer, also and am looking for some online things like pen pal programs, for I love writing and mail.

Also, a plus is that it gets him out of here for longer spells than every week visits did and I can create more consistency for DD in that time than just a few days and then it's all broken.

He doesn't keep the routines for her with time, either, so she has enough time to catch up on sleep, hygiene and behavior patterns also.

FWIW, they have a nightly phone call that helps put her at ease. Part of her difficulty was that he went into hiding when he first abandoned us, so she can think he is "ok" physically and know when she last heard from him.

As his life goes longer without responsibility, his lack of caring about detail and rules is showing, and this is what I think when she's gone and that I miss her. She also sees through him a little with this length of time. He is glittery now, always buying treats and taking her to events, but always being fun or "on" gets tiring.

The main reason it was hard for me was because he bullied to change it and his reasons were terribly selfish, and largely, because it was more change. Then he changed it again.

So I work to be very quiet about my reactions now to what he does and log things to show my lawyer. He is not timely-that's a boundary!-so I log this, too.

I wish you well.

P.S. At least in this case, L said that it won't bother the CS payments, for I worried about that, too.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ 24961
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How old are your kids or child? Just remember, if they are young, there are a lot of school years in there. If they are older, high school is coming and more clubs and things to do like a part time job.

My papers say EOW Fri after work until Sunday night, plus 2 overnights during the week. Reality 4 years down the road?

The kids hated the overnights on school nights, and haven't done them since the first year, and even then they didn't last the whole school year. (Him moving over an hour away to be with GF helped stop those...but even when he moved back, they said no)

So now, he's suppose to have dinner with them twice a week, but the kids cancel on him at least once a week each. It may or may not be on the same night.

The EOW? The kids bow out on that half the time too. He doesn't have rooms for them, and they do nothing, so they hate going.

He likes to think it's just because they are teens, but it's not. It's not even that they don't care about him, or want to see him, they just hate to have their lives disrupted. So, they cancel, and stay here. Heck even with me working 7 days a week, they still prefer to stay here even if I'm going to be at work every day.

The bottom line is, I agree with others, the overnights during the school days definitely didn't work. It's too hard when they need to study/do projects that require a lot of materials, etc.

BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5919 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 8

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