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Conflicted1 posted 7/10/2013 00:12 AM

I haven't worn my wedding set since last dday. Never discussed it just refrained. WH noticed it and finally mentioned it to me over the weekend. Not in a rude or mean way just that he noticed. I slept on it and broached subject next day to see what wearing a ring meant to him. He said he felt it was not a symbol of his commitment to me but the other way around. Considering he has a right to believe differently in the symbolism I just left the conversation at that. To be kind today I decided I would wear the rings as we were meeting some of his colleagues for a get together and it would make him happy. He did notice and said something about me cleaning it but didnt say thank you as I expected. So a little later in private in the car I held up my hand and said you're welcome. He actually got a little huffy and said he didn't get that he owed a thank you because wearing wedding rings is just something married people do. My mind screamed WTF? You really think you are in a position to tell ME how married people should act? I held my tongue and counted. Just trying to find a way to discuss it calmly without going off the deepend.

[This message edited by Conflicted1 at 12:13 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

Nature_Girl posted 7/10/2013 00:20 AM

What is he smoking?

Kiwigirl posted 7/10/2013 00:22 AM

The wedding ring is a tough one. I wear mine just so my children and other people don't wonder what is going on. Since we are in R that makes things easier for me.

But to me it is a symbol of something that doesn't exist for me anymore. The vows that were broken, the circle which was meant to be infinite.

It is funny that your H expressed it as just something married people do. That really resonated with me - in my mind it was not just something we did, it was a sign for other people to back off, this guy is taken already, it was a symbol of that commitment we made, meant to remind us too. My H never took his ring off to screw his OW. If it is not respected by the people who wear it or other people out there in the world, then it is a pretty worthless thing IMO.

Take a few deep breaths by all means, but you are entitled to let him know how that made you feel and that he is lucky to have someone considerate enough to wear the ring in front of his colleagues so things don't get awkward for him

Jrazz posted 7/10/2013 00:28 AM

because wearing wedding rings is just something married people do.

Oh somebody SAVE me!!

There's a few other things married people do too. Maybe he should have read the WHOLE book.

(((Conflicted1)))

Sad in AZ posted 7/10/2013 05:18 AM

Rather than have anyone comment about my not wearing my wedding ring, I replaced it with a simple band that reads 'To thine ownself be true'. I call in my unwedding ring. The X noticed it at some point and it made him sad, poor muffin.

He had actually 'lost' his ring, but I found it carelessly laid aside on an odd windowsill and stowed it away. I gave it back to him at one point and he merely put it in his dresser drawer. When I was leaving, I took it; I figured it meant nothing to him. I had intended to sell it, but my conscience got the better of me, so I took it back on one of my trips to pack up and threw it behind his dresser (I guess my conscience isn't all that strong ) I guess he'll find it one day if he every moves.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 5:19 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

Lackingcourage posted 7/11/2013 00:01 AM

I still wear my wedding ring (although I have been tempted to take it off over the last few days) because we are still married , however I stopped wearing my engagement ring around the 2nd D Day (there have been so many that I can't rightly recall) because an engagement ring is a symbol of hope and promise and I have none of that anymroe. A wedding ring is a sign of commitment, and I haven't completely decided to break that commitment yet. Plus, it's really hard to get off now and is gong to require a lot of grease or something....

whatnow8 posted 7/11/2013 00:12 AM


because wearing wedding rings is just something married people do.

Oh somebody SAVE me!!

There's a few other things married people do too. Maybe he should have read the WHOLE book.

(((Conflicted1)))

You mean skimming thru to get the jist of it and pick up a couple quick pointers doesn't work?

Firea111 posted 7/11/2013 10:24 AM

OMG I stop wearing mine a few days after DDay. Glad to see other ppl did the same. H put his back on after giving me a story about why he took it off months ago. I told it meant nothing to me now except what he did. He doesn't get it.

[This message edited by Firea111 at 12:34 PM, July 19th (Friday)]

fyou143 posted 7/11/2013 10:31 AM

But to me it is a symbol of something that doesn't exist for me anymore. The vows that were broken, the circle which was meant to be infinite

This is what I believe in too and since DDay1 I stopped wearing my ring. I think he did notice but never brought it up. I know he doesn't wear his he would have it on and off and when he would take it off it was due to swollen fingers or something like that. I believe him but now I'm wondering. Either way I don't want my old rings because they don't hold that symbolism they had and don't mean nothing to me no more. If we R truthfully and with a renewed promise I told him that it would have to be with a new set of rings because the old ones didn't mean crap!

tushnurse posted 7/11/2013 11:13 AM

Uh Ya, I think I'd tell him I need a new one a big shiny new one if he wants me to wear it....

Seriously that was a douchetrolly thing to do/say.

I can say that I took my rings off the day I threw him out, and he got it. I think I put them back on the following week. When he had totally changed his entire attitude, and i knew that he really did get it, and was going to make the effort to R.

I still have my original ring, and my band that I primarily wear. He however has a new band. He had a ring when we married, and he tucked that away, and now wears a band, that shows his renewed commitment to us. I don't need a new one because I was always there, I never waivered. I didn't break our vows.

Now if he would like to get me a new honkiing diamond to go into it, well that would be ok.

sunflowergirl30 posted 7/11/2013 11:16 AM

On d-day I took off my wedding band and threw it in the trash.

My wh had stopped wearing his a few yrs into our marriage. I took a hammer to his and to everything in my jewelry box.

He expected me to wear my ring ALWAYS and was HURT i threw it away and hurt i crushed his.

Well i was hurt that he was a lying cheating hypocritical pos.

We now have our initials tattooed on our ring fingers. Fe, ironically my first initial capitalized and his next lower case is the symbol for iron


I wanted to get something pretty on my finger just because and the tattoo artist we have gone to for almost 15 yrs mentioned Fe...funny thing is he refuses to tattoo peoples names. Especially boyfriend/girlfriend. He had no idea whats going on with wh and I. We are the cute couple who beat the odds of being high school sweethearts, teen parents and married young...ya wtfe

SisterMilkshake posted 7/11/2013 11:35 AM

RIngs, schmings! I do respect all who feel strongly about their rings, I just don't.

Always wore mine, didn't take it off on d-day or after. FWH doesn't wear his ring, except on special occasions, because his ring would be a hazard in his job (seriously).

Rings are kind of like the renewal of vows that so many BS's (and WS's) want. Rings and vows are just words and things. What I want is action and authenticity. Don't give a darn about words and symbols.

However, yeah, your WH's take on how married people should act is very superficial. Show the symbol but don't do the actions of a faithful married person. Good advice.

I have a problem with my FWH that if I get snippy when he says something that triggers me and I react hostilely he will just shut down. I need to hold my tongue so I can discuss it calmly at a later time. Oftentimes, I find a letter works better for us. Good luck with your discussion.

heartache101 posted 7/11/2013 11:47 AM

I took mine off a few years back. Wearing them made me sick.. Once that phase passed I put them back on. He was pissed..To say the least.
We are coming up on our 30th wedding anniversary and we are buying a new set of rings and we ARE renewing our vows. For me it will be a new beginning of our marriage.

Conflicted I think I would sit him down and ask him again what the rings symbolize to him? Maybe he was just a blubbering fool at the time?

m334455 posted 7/11/2013 13:38 PM

Snort. He should be happy you still even have them. I melted mine down and sold the gold after I found out he was "texting" a new "special sexy friend" while I was pregnant last year.

m334455 posted 7/11/2013 13:41 PM

Uh Ya, I think I'd tell him I need a new one a big shiny new one if he wants me to wear it....

Oh -- and it was the bigger and better wedding ring Mach 2 that I destroyed -- since I took of the first one on Dday too. What a waste of cash.

nowiknow23 posted 7/11/2013 13:44 PM

He said he felt it was not a symbol of his commitment to me but the other way around.
He's wrong in so SO many ways, but just to make the point... well... pointier, most vows go something like this --

"Take this ring as a sign of MY love and fidelity yada yada yada."

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