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The "Box of Evidence"-what did you do with yours?

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hurting7897 posted 7/10/2013 07:46 AM

Once I decided to reconcile with my FWH about a year ago, I bought a large Tupperware-like plastic box and put everything affair-related into it. This was huge for me, and a big step towards the "moving forward" effort I was trying to achieve. There had been letters and self-help books scattered all over the house, shoved into every drawer trying to hide them from my kids. His confessional letter. My rage-filled letters to him that I'd never forgive him (still haven't), and all my unsent letters of rage to the OW. This "box of evidence" has been hidden in my bedroom closet and I'm sick of seeing it every time I go in there. I have decided to burn the self-help books.

No, I do not want to donate them nor sell them. I did give one to a friend of mine, the one titled, "Too Bad to Stay, Too Good to Leave" as she contemplated leaving her husband (she has decided to stay).

I have become curious what other BS have done with their own "box of evidence", if anyone else has actually saved everything, when you were able to get rid of it, what did you keep and what did you give away/burn, and how did it feel? I think this is a huge step in my recovery and I can't help but wonder how other BS handled their own "box of evidence".

DWBH posted 7/10/2013 07:56 AM

Mine is virtual... emails, screenshots of FB msgs, letters, journals, etc. I'm not ready to part with it, and likely never will. As time goes on, I look at stuff less and less--hardly ever anymore. I just can't see ever feeling "safe" enough to throw it all away.

hurting7897 posted 7/10/2013 08:50 AM

WOW I hadn't even thought of the "virtual" evidence....I have a sh*tload of that too....

solus sto posted 7/10/2013 09:08 AM

I have very, very little. What I do have is in my bedroom closet, in a large envelope. I have not looked at it since I put it there after telling OBS shortly after d-day.

I had a bit more electronic evidence, but deleted it as it came in. It did me no good, other than to reinforce what I already knew of OW and Mr. Trac-Fone.

stunnedin12 posted 7/10/2013 10:40 AM

I have it with my daily binder. I did have it in my dresser, but don't want to take a chance of my children finding anything. They wouldn't touch the daily binder for fear of being told to do something on the chore list.

I gave wh copies of some evidence and told him he could do whatever he damn well pleased with them. I did this after his last contact attempt in April. I think it shocked him when he found out how much I knew.

tryinghard2013 posted 7/10/2013 10:42 AM

I got rid of it all it did me more harm looking at it daily.

simplydevastated posted 7/10/2013 10:45 AM

My stuff is stored in two different places. My hard copy evidence is stored outside the home with someone I trust and my electronic files, emails, text conversations are with my dear friend in Australia. I guess you can't get further away than that, right?

Once my kids are old enough and I don't need the evidence any more in going to toss it all our give it to him as present

MartlArts posted 7/10/2013 10:50 AM

Most of the communication was electronic. Since ow had mentioned in one of them that her H wasn't techie, I printed out hard copies of the most damning messages as well as saving them electronically. Put the printouts, plus some phone bills showing their phone calls, plus a "thumb" drive storing all the pertinent files, in an envelope. Kept at my desk at work for a couple of years. Took it home eventually and stashed in a dark corner of storage. I'll get rid of it when I've read her obituary, probably not before. She tried fishing long after he was done with her.

Ostrich80 posted 7/10/2013 11:22 AM

I used to keep it in my car trunk, the only place I could keep locked. I t was in a box shoved in a corner. I found him nosing around in it one day so I moved the box off premise to my sisters house. It's a year of printed out phone bills showing all the texts, my notes and observations. I look at it once in a while and see how I had her number circled as suspicious way back in the beginning. If I only knew who's it was, I could have cracked the case much sooner. It was suspicious because the volume kept growing with each month and it was while he was at work.

I had another box from the first 2 yrs of thinking hmmmm. It was from another phone provider that only showed calls he made, not receiveed.I burned that evidence when I thought I was mistaken about him and he assured me he was being faithful. I wish so bad I would have kep t it because I could have gone back to see when her # started popping up, thus, showing a more accurate timeline. I was just am amateur then.

gma56 posted 7/10/2013 11:51 AM

I'm 5+ yrs from dday and now divorced. I just shredded all paper evidence and threw everything away a few months ago. I even moved the crap a couple times last year.

I hadn't looked at any of it for several years so went through each item and disposed. It was freeing but I think everyone has their own timeline. I had deleted all emails and computer files after the divorce was final.
I think about all the time and energy I spent and it amazes me. Was it worth it ? At the time it was and I still only knew about 20% of the whole story but it was enough for me to move forward and know I had made the right decision.
Hugs
Gma

Nature_Girl posted 7/10/2013 12:18 PM

Because my STBX isn't "just" a cheater, because he is a sexual pervert who includes in his perversion young girls, my evidence has been shared with many others and will probably be kept by me under lock & key until my children are grown & out of the house.

nowiknow23 posted 7/10/2013 12:23 PM

When I was ready to be rid of it, I had a lovely therapeutic bonfire with friends. And sangria. And dancing under the moonlight.

Williesmom posted 7/10/2013 12:26 PM

I had a stack of cell phone records a foot high.

I burnt them about a year ago.

That shit doesn't matter any more, but I still hope that he and MOW die a slow and painful death.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 12:26 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]

Alex CR posted 7/10/2013 13:25 PM

I still have hard copies of everything including letters between me and H about the A along with books about infidelity in my closet. Also have a file on my computer with copies of everything including photos of OW and all my research and its also saved on another hard drive.

I don't know why I'm keeping it....I never look at it now. I probably should get rid of it 'cause, God forbid, something happens to me, my girls would probably be the ones to find it all. I'd prefer to leave them my jewelry, not my pain. Guess it's time for a bonfire. Maybe on our 4th antiversary........

TXBW68 posted 7/10/2013 14:01 PM

Everything is in my office at work. I have many screenshots of FB/Twitter/Google chats, pictures, even a copy of the year lease he signed on an apt last year.

Last October, I gave him copies of everything I had to that point when I told him I wanted a divorce. He told me on DDay 2 (April)that he never opened it. So I brought my packet home the next day and read some of the more scandelous chats to him!

I don't know where his packet is now. But mine has grown over the last 6 months and is STILL safely tucked away in my office. I don't plan to get rid of it anytime soon.

doggiemom12 posted 7/10/2013 14:58 PM

I have all the copies and photos in a brief case and I still have his computers and cel phone. I haven't looked at them in several months but I am keeping them until I am ready. Ready for what I am not sure. He is dead. I think I keep them in case some friend or family member thinks I am lying about all affairs. I want the evidence to be on hand.

inconnu posted 7/10/2013 16:22 PM

The books I didn't want to keep I donated to SI members. (I posted down in the Book Club forum that I was giving away books).

The box of evidence got shoved into the closet after now-ex left 4 years ago. It took me about 3 years before I felt like dealing with it, then I just got rid of it all one day. Can't remember if I trashed it, or shredded it, but either way, it was gone and I had valuable closet space back.

omgnome posted 7/10/2013 16:32 PM

Scan it/take pictures. Save it to a digital file and archive and hide it all over.

I'm glad I did this. While clearing out my office my wife came across her 'timeline' (looking back it was never a time line and never revealed anything) she found it in a box in one of my desk drawers amongst a bunch of other papers. When she found it she destroyed it and only told me later.

If you never need to go back through the evidence having it zipped and archived multiple places will never hurt you. You will forget about it. If you need it though, you will have it available.

Pringle posted 7/10/2013 16:47 PM

Mine are saved on my laptop. Didn't get the juicy bits when I first found out-regret not having a screenshot of the fb messages though.Needless to say I have a lot of it sketched on my brain that will not go away. I keep it to remind me what an a-hole he was. But If we had to have reconciled,I probably would of gotten rid of it. I guess it just brings back all the unwanted hurt-at the end of the day we just hurting ourselves by the constant reminder.

Me 30
WF 33
DD 15.03.2013 (Wedding was supposed to be in June)

thenon-goddess posted 7/10/2013 16:48 PM

The A books were donated to Goodwill. I had one self help D book (helping your kids cope with divorce the sandcastles way) and a couple of children's D themed books, that I saved "just in case", and am using those now, so glad I saved them. Everything else was via e-mail/IM and I still have all of it and have no plans of getting rid of it. Family pictures that included me and stbxh have long been removed and hidden away.

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