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Double Edge Sword

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Cheatedon23 posted 7/10/2013 08:25 AM

A little background: My WH had an A with his office manager. D-day was 9 months ago. We are trying to R and have taken several steps back, especially in the beginning, but I believe we are finally moving forward.

My WH was transferred to a different location right before D-Day and OW works at headquarters. She is the office manager for both locations, so WH has to talk "business" with her everyday. While he was still in his fog, their talk wasn't just about business.

Fast forward, my WH finally got his head out of his ass and I feel we have made some significant progress and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is dim, but I can see it. My issue is that since he is being transparent, I know when he talks to her and what they talk about. In one hand, I am grateful that he is being transparent and letting me know things and see his phone, etc, but on the other had, I know that he still talks to her even though it is only about business. So this is my double edge sword. Some days I handle it better than others, and this is one day where I'm not!

If anyone has experienced this, I would love to hear how you handle this.

FightingBack posted 7/10/2013 09:09 AM

I can't give you any advice Double, because I haven't had to handle this type of situation. I don't think I could handle it.

I told MOW to resign the morning after dday. She did.

I often think about what would have happened if she had stayed. It would have driven me insane, so kudos to you for handling it this far.

SeanFLA posted 7/10/2013 10:03 AM

I'm not sure how I could handle that either. My ExWW had an affair while traveling on work (one that I know of). I always trusted her 100% and said to myself many times.."She would never cheat on me." Wow was I off the mark. I had a gf in college who's father had an affair. She told me her father quit his really good paying job in NYC and they moved 1000 miles to Florida away from the whole situation because he committed to her 100%. His marriage came BEFORE his job. Although I obviously don't like what he did to her mother, I give him kudos now for manning up and doing the right thing at the request of his wife. And it was very hard on the family to sell the house they worked for and find a new paying job in Florida. But now I understand their situation. When I discovered exWW's A I told her she if she wanted to remain with me she needed to start looking for a new position somewhere that didn't involve travel of business socializing (she's in sales in a man's IT industry). Her response....she looked at me like I had 15 heads. Her job was more important to her than her marriage. It really said a lot about how she felt about me. I knew then and there that there was nothing I could do but let her go and allow her to figure herself out as to what was important in her life. Jobs come and go. Jobs change every five years to some extent. But people don't come and go in your life so easily.

My only advice...if he wants to be with you 100%, he will do whatever it takes to keep you. Point blank ask him if his job means more to him than you and his family. If he hesitates and says nothing, then you know what the answer is. At that point I would seek no holds bar and report his manager for inappropriate behavior with a subordinate and for breaking up your family. Odds are both will be let go. Yes it's vindictive, but if you read my profile you can see I reported a high ranking officer to his General. I could care less I ended his career. He contributed to ruining my life and that of his pregnant wife's. I wanted to work things out. She had other plans. Let them both suffer the consequences and the fallout.

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