Reconciliation Road is long and bumpy but we are travelling it.
And there are things that I am still hung up on that cause me (or I allow them) to ride the brakes.
I never did get the timeline I requested (I'm patiently waiting)
WH never did send a letter of apology to OBS (I have accepted that this is not a good idea as at this point it will not help OBS)
WH has only had two IC sessions and will probably discontinue (therapist wasn't a good fit for him and funds are low)
We have difficulty finding alone time before the end of the day, so our talks are limited (we both find this frustrating and both wish we had more time together) but he still rarely volunteers discussion of his A.
A NC letter was never sent as it seemed like a moot point at the time. NC was demanded by me and they (WH and MOW) agreed that "it was over "
But what seems to really bug me is that I know that the OW hangs on to the belief that their LTA was one of a deep love for each other which ended because I found out and that WH stayed with me out of duty to his family. It burns me to think that she has warm fuzzy thoughts and memories about their affair while I live with the pain of those memories.
WH doesn't describe the A with any fondness at all. He would really rather forget it. He even says that thinking about it sickens him.
Why is it so important for me to want her to know that he feels this way?
Why do I want her to know that he thinks that it is the biggest mistake he has ever made and will regret it forever. Why is it not important enough that he tells me that he loves me, never stopped, even during the affair years, and never felt that he loved her (despite telling her so)?
Why do I want her to know these things he tells me?
I know that it is foolish, and childish. mIt should be enough that he is telling me, but I always wonder what he would say to me if she was here with us in the same room.
I almost want to ask him to write to her and tell her all these things so that she will not carry on believing that they were star-crossed lovers whose circumstances meant that they could not be together.
I want to stop feeling like option #2.
Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!